Grumpalicious

I sometimes wonder if being grumpy is a technique that gets easier with age. Is it just practice that makes perfect, or does too much familiarity with life make it easier to complain to customer service? Either way I had another grumpy moment this week that I’m not proud of, and I’m going to chalk it up to age. Next, I’m going to figure it out and see if I can make myself a little younger by decreasing my grump proficiency.

My wife and I had just left a particular art gallery on Friday night, when I asked her, “Are you thirsty?” I was thinking large fruit smoothie. I could tell that she, on the other hand, was thinking, “We just spent our month’s date budget on eating out tonight. I’m not sure I want to spend more on a splurge.” She responded that she was thirsty, but water would do. Without verbalizing anything, even to myself, my mood changed. For the moment, being grumpy seemed about as delicious as the smoothie.

Grumpalicious is a term a friend of mine coined years ago as a nick-name for one of her younger brothers. It is a term that seems to describe very well one who is grumpy and is happy being so. On occasion, I have become aware that I have a grownup way of pouting when I don’t get what I want. Am I spoiled? I hope not. But perhaps I have more in common with my young children in that regard. Having said that, I am waiting for the predictable one-liner, “Well, I wonder where they get that from?” followed by a parenthetical wink and text message emoticon.

I don’t think my attitude is what the Savior had in mind when He taught his disciples, “Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3) His conversion, I believe, refers to the other half of the equation. I’ve noticed that my kids don’t harbor bad feelings for very long. In fact, an ice cream frosty or some other treat can fix most ill feelings. While we may have pouting in common, in whatever form we choose, I have to ask, “How am I doing in the other half of the comparison. Am I quick to turn my heart toward or away? Is the turn of my heart conditional?”

Moments later I said to my wife, “Liz, I’m not sure I like the new me. I tend to get grumpier easier than I used to.” As you can imagine, that led to a discussion on the subject of me for the next little while. I apologized and we moved on. I regret to say, however, that the turn of my heart took about 20 minutes. Can you imagine if you had to make a U-turn in your car on any given street that would take that long? If you saw another driver exerting that much effort, wouldn’t you question whether or not they actually knew how to drive? So when I am driving my own emotions, I wonder why it is so hard to steer. Hmmm. I think it’s time to review my driver’s manual.

It’s not that every circumstance to which I am inclined to be grumpy is that simple. Life is most often complicated. Complications are connected to expectations, exasperations, and other complicated words that end in t-i-o-n. Some of those “tions” are worth shunning. The simplest thing for me to remember is that I am in control, and if I am not in control of my emotions, I am at least responsible. I can choose how I react to any given circumstance.

One thing I remember pondering as I reviewed my personal driver’s manual is how I choose to define my choice. It’s not just what, it’s who. My choice was not just about a fruit smoothie, it was about my wife and how I feel about her. I had to ask myself, “Is the smoothie more important than my wife? Am I really going to place my feelings in front of hers, over a smoothie?” Suddenly I seemed, to myself, very small. My mistake was pretty small, too, but I had to fix it. I felt like I was groping my hands around a steering wheel where the power steering had gone out. It was all manual. I felt like I had to wrestle my feelings to the ground to make my U-turn back to my wife. See. I told you it was nothing to be proud of.

Feeling close to my wife again was a lot more delicious than being grumpy. Once I chose to consider what was really important, my difficult challenge became easier. It added power to my steering. Mind you, a good fruit smoothie has still been on my mind and I’m still thirsty, but it’s not worth being grumpalicious.


What I Believe…


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Out on a Limb

I like comparisons, or rather, I like healthy comparisons. Lately I’ve been thinking about some challenges in my life and how they seem to have something in common. The “something” is a recurring theme with a lot of variations. I think I know the theme well enough now that I’m not going out on a limb to share it.

When I was a kid, I liked climbing trees. I don’t remember ever falling out of a tree, or breaking my arm, but I do remember getting stuck in a few places where I needed some help. Feeling stuck is not a comfortable place to be. I don’t have to be hanging from a branch with four fingers to dislike it. Sometimes being in a place where I don’t feel like I can move without help is hard enough. That’s where faith comes in. It is a definite part of the theme.

The feeling of being stuck has been a familiar companion to my most difficult challenges. More often than not, it seems I am presented with a riddle that has no solution. The questions I have asked myself were not hard to understand, but the answers were elusive. Here are a few of my own examples.

How will my wife and I pay off a student loan and afford to start a family? How do I tell my boss I am uncomfortable with a company decision without losing my job? How can I possibly fit time in an already busy schedule to accept a calling and serve in my church? How can I complete my deadline at work without working on the Sabbath? How can I be at an important school play for my daughter and not neglect my client? With all that is expected of me, how will I possibly get everything done?

Whatever my questions may have been, I seem to have faired alright. In spite of elusive answers, my life hasn’t come to a screeching halt, and there isn’t a single question that has stopped me from moving forward. Yet, I have a tendency to freeze up when I am afraid. I avoid the choices I don’t want to make. Regardless of what is real, the way I perceive my circumstances can make it difficult for me to make good choices, especially if I worry too much about all the “what ifs.” The fact that I have navigated each of my challenges in the past is evidence that there was a way to do it.

This pattern of getting through difficult situations points to a significant personal observation – my biggest challenge has been my fears, not my circumstances.

The most successful way I have found through my challenges is to face them, and more importantly to face them with faith. Is this easier said than done? Yes. But, having the faith to believe that there is a way is a very important step. While many of my challenges have had the appearance of being impossible, or at least very unfavorable, not one of them has stopped me. One by one, I tackled each riddle, left my comfort zone, faced my fears, and went out on a limb. Where I thought I was stuck, I became a little less so by working to find a solution. My next step has been to turn to God.

If I truly believe that “with God nothing shall be impossible,” (Luke 1:37) and I won’t be tested “above that which I can bear,” (Alma 13:28) then I should also have faith in God that He will provide a way to get through every challenge. I can have confidence that He has already provided a way for me to get unstuck. This may be through my own efforts, or it may be from someone else who isn’t clinging to a branch. In whatever the circumstance, He will provide help. "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you," is what He has promised. (Matthew 7:7)

Truer than finding a lost object in the last place you think to look, needed help often comes when you are at the end of your rope, or at the end of a branch. It comes right when you think you can’t possibly do any more. This is because you “receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” (Ether 12:6)

God is our loving Father in Heaven. He wants us to be like Him. We become more like Him as we put our faith in Him – faith enough to do as much as we possibly can before He steps in. It’s the faith to act and face our circumstances, even when we are afraid or don’t want to. As we learn to face our fears and replace them with faith, we learn how to get unstuck faster. It happens with His help.

If you ever feel like you are being tested as much as you can possibly bear, hold on and turn to God. Don’t give up. God intends to test our faith to make us stronger. If you feel like you have to make an impossible decision, remember that help will be on its way. That’s what He has promised, and it’s worth remembering when you are stuck out on a limb.


What I Believe…


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Pleasure Central

Today happens to be a unique occurrence where the calendar resembles a slot machine in any of a large number of Las Vegas casinos. When written numerically, today’s date appears as 10-10-10. JACKPOT!! Right? Well, even if the numbers line up for someone on a slot machine, I’m not sure that is the best indicator of whether or not they are winning where it counts. It may be a small moment of achievement for the winner when certain bells ka-ching and lights bling, but what do these signals really mean?

Friends who have been in a casino when someone has won a jackpot have described what they saw. Not being an eye-witness, I’ll have to take their word for it. Perhaps you can correct me if your experience has been different. What I have been told is that casino representatives were quickly on the scene when a slot machine announced a winner. The machine was secured and checked to make sure that the person who supplied the winning coin didn’t win by deceptive means. There was even a level of doubt about the character of the winner, as if they had committed a crime by winning. Whether or not you like to gamble is not my focus today. However, I find it fascinating that a casino representative might be more concerned about validity of a small moment of pleasure than the one who is the supposed beneficiary.

We are surrounded by an endless number of voices that labor to persuade our attentions. Some of them ka-ching and bling, and others come as sharp warnings. The same voice may be pleasing on one occasion, and painful to hear on another. To me, this suggests an important principle about discernment. How good I feel about a particular voice may not be the best indicator of whether it is right or not.

A week ago in General Conference, I heard Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles talk about lures, addictions, and pleasure. This topic has been on my mind since, especially as it relates to voices. As he spoke of addictions he said, “According to the dictionary, addiction of any kind means to surrender to something, thus relinquishing agency and becoming dependent on some life-destroying substance or behavior.” This intrigues me – the fact that certain behaviors can cause us to relinquish our ability to choose, and perhaps even recognize.

He continues, “Researchers tell us there is a mechanism in our brain called the pleasure center. When activated by certain drugs or behaviors, it overpowers the part of our brain that governs our willpower, judgment, logic, and morality. This leads the addict to abandon what he or she knows is right.”

So I wonder, “How is it that the human body can be such a divine gift and yet have inclinations that can be so self-destructive? How is it that our own internal voice can be so difficult as to discern whether it is right or not?” I believe the answer was given by King Benjamin in a discourse to his people.

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, … willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” (Mosiah 3:19)

Though they appear as opposites, I don’t think it is a coincidence that the actions described by Elder Ballard are so similar to those taught by King Benjamin. Elder Ballard cautioned against surrendering to something that requires us to relinquish agency. King Benjamin encouraged his people to yield and surrender, even submit their will to God. It is not the act of surrender or submission that is good or bad. It is what we accomplish by doing so. Surrendering our will so we can make fewer choices is a damning principle. It stops our progression. Surrendering our will so we can make better choices, returns our will to us in better condition than when we gave it away. In this, the Lord is able to purify our hearts so that we have less desire to sin until, eventually, the desire to sin is gone altogether.

King Benjamin also described an important part about the voice of our souls that comes from within. It is in our natures, particularly because of the needs of the human body, that our desires make us enemies to God. It’s not that we desire to fight him, but our bodies have divinely given desires that must be controlled. And, unless we listen to God, we can easily become pleasure-centric.

In his second letter to Timothy, the apostle Paul warned “that in the last days perilous times shall come,” and that men would be “lovers of their own selves” and “lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God.” (2 Timothy 3:1-4) In this sense, pleasure becomes a more inconspicuous form of idolatry where we choose something else to have greater priority in our lives than the true and living God. When desire is shrouded in the secrecy of our hearts, pleasure becomes the invisible focus of our worship. In that moment, pleasure becomes our God.

The researchers that Elder Ballard quoted further describe the important role of pleasure in our lives. Addressing the pleasure center in the brain, the researchers indicated that our “brains are wired to ensure that we will repeat life-sustaining activities by associating those activities with pleasure or reward. Whenever this reward circuit is activated, the brain notes that something important is happening that needs to be remembered, and teaches us to do it again and again, without thinking about it.” (Drugs, Brains, and Behavior – The Science of Addiction, NIDA, p. 18) If what these researchers have indicated is true, pleasure can be a powerful influence, regardless of whether good or bad.

References in scripture seem to indicate that pleasure is neither evidence of right nor wrong. It is merely a condition. Instead, pleasure is associated with both. “The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him….” (Psalms 147:11) When we are willing to put God first and temporarily give up the things that our bodies may need, then we will find pleasure in the day of our fasting. (Isaiah 58:3) This suggests that we may find greater pleasure by occasionally abstaining. The opposite is also true. “He that loveth pleasure shall be a poor man,” (Proverbs 21:17) and, “she that liveth in pleasure is dead while she liveth.” (1 Timothy 5:6) The prophet Jacob taught, “Remember, to be carnally-minded is death, and to be spiritually-minded is life eternal.” (2 Nephi 9:39)

The body alone is not capable of distinguishing between right and wrong. It does not recognize methods the way it does results. If a person is hungry, the body knows when it is fed and the need is met, but it does not care how the need was met. The body does not know if the food was a gift or if it was stolen. It does, however, acknowledge pleasure. When a need is met, the body experiences feelings of pleasure which teach us to repeat the action again and again. Herein lays a potential danger. Unless we understand what pleasure is and how it can help us, we can set ourselves up for unpleasurable experiences later on.

Too often, we allow ourselves to be deceived with regard to pleasure. If we do something we either know is wrong, or at least acknowledge that there is a possibility of being wrong, and then feel pleasure because a need was met, the body attempts to reinforce that behavior. Most often, this feeling of pleasure makes us feel very good. Bells ka-ching and lights start to bling, indicating that we have won the jackpot. At least that is what the carnally-centered body thinks. The best defense to being deceived is to be spiritually-centered instead. Deceiving ourselves with positive reinforcement for behavior that is not good makes it harder and harder to recognize and accept truth. It also makes it more difficult to repent, having convinced ourselves that we are not in error.

Because the body doesn’t acknowledge the methods by which our needs are met, pleasure alone is not a good indicator if something is right or not. It may indicate that the result is right, but it doesn’t justify intent. That requires the spirit. It is by the Spirit that we are justified. (Moses 6:60) When our bodies tell us that an action or decision is right and our spirits tell us the opposite, we are left feeling conflicted. Internally we experience chaos which remains until we can resolve our feelings and make them feel at one.

If we listen to our bodies and ignore our spirits, then the Holy Spirit will withdraw His help and influence, leaving us to our own persuasions. When this happens, we truly become an enemy to God. If instead we listen to our spirits when we receive spiritual promptings and we override the potential temptations of pleasure, we learn restraint and we keep ourselves from being deceived.

Because the soul is comprised of the spirit and the body, we can’t find true happiness by only listening to half of the story. Pleasure is only half of the equation that equals lasting happiness. If you can find pleasure and keep the influence of the Holy Spirit as a constant companion, then you will find the peace that comes by living a life that is consistent with truth. When we master our bodies, and our spirits and our bodies work together, it is then that we become more like God. We shouldn’t confuse the joy of the spirit with the pleasure of the body. It is important to learn the difference. They can be congruent, but are often not.

There is too much at stake to gamble with our salvation by trusting in pleasure alone. Pleasure can lead us to lasting happiness if it reinforces good behavior. When it reinforces bad behavior, it will lead us in the wrong direction. The numbers might line up if we are lucky, but that only works well in a casino. If our bodies truly are temples, then we need to make sure that they remain a place where our spirits can choose freely without deception. We need to be able to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. Instead of reducing pleasure, this will allow us to experience more pleasure without the guilt. With a dose of restraint, we can learn to choose the will of God over a pleasure-centric life.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

A Sound Marriage (or, More Thoughts on Differences)

I can’t think of “making beautiful music together” without remembering Looney Tunes’ Pepe Le Pew from Saturday morning cartoon fame. Growing up, I watched this ill-fated skunk continually look for a willing recipient of his devotion and passion. Quite often it was a black cat with a white stripe painted down her back by some unfortunate mistake, causing Pepe to think that she was his perfect match. Sadly, his reek was a difficult difference to get over. Regardless of how good his intentions were, he seldom had any success in his relationships of devotion.

Many couples face the same challenge as Pepe, especially after they have been married for some time. In most marriages, the challenges are not one sided. Each partner may have a difference that the other has to manage. At the risk of being cliché, I hope to share some additional thoughts about marriage, differences, and music. The notion of making music together in a marriage has merit, especially when we consider the theory behind both music and marriage.

Some things sound good, and some things are sound. While similar words are used to describe a particular quality, they may not describe the same relationship. Occasionally I will hear of a marriage that sounds like it may not last. In a few instances the opposite is true – the relationship sounds too good to be true. What truly makes a difference is not what I hear, but how sound the relationship really is.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a musician, you may be more of a musician than you think if you have learned how to manage differences in your relationship. If the opposite is the case, here is some theory that might help.

Unison
Singing in unison is one of the most common expressions of music. Not everyone plays a musical instrument, but I personally don’t know anyone who can’t sing a round of “Happy Birthday” on occasion. Most people know the melody and will join in the celebration of a friend or family member without much coercion. Culturally, it’s just what we do. It’s expected. Singing the same notes as someone else is the easiest way to express music together.

In marriage, being on the same page, or in agreement, is also what we expect culturally. It is beautiful when two people make a decision to follow a certain path and stay together in a long-term commitment. They find a way to sing the same notes by spending time and sharing things in common with each other. Not only do they live together and love together, they make a commitment to work out their differences, for better or worse. The happiest and healthiest marriages I have seen are usually a result of two people who are willing to put self as a second priority to their marriage. There is a great deal of unison in their lives.

Harmony
Having sung in numerous choirs throughout my life, I love harmony. I love the fact that multiple individuals can sing different parts to contribute to an overall effect. As varying musical notes are arranged to compliment each other, they create chords that blend and sound good. The result is harmonious and pleasing. Combined, the various notes are able to create a richer and fuller effect than can be achieved by singing in unison alone. Some harmonies are tight, and others are loose. Different methods are employed by composers to achieve different effects.

Harmony in marriage is easiest to achieve when a couple blends their efforts for a common purpose. Recognizing that we can have unity without requiring each other to sing in unison can provide richer experiences. In this instance, differences of taste, interest, and opinion, can provide more opportunity to experience all the good that life has to offer. Each person can then share the parts their spouse may be most interested in. They key is to make sure that there is a consistent melody to blend with. Common goals, balanced effort, and the opportunity to share and exchange are critical to making a marriage work.

As other parts are added to the marriage duet – and this may be the inclusion of children, other family members, or even close friends – the key to maintaining a harmonious marriage relationship is to stick with your melody. A melody in this case may simply be the decision to get married and be faithful. If another part of your life becomes so dominant that the melody is no longer recognizable, the ability to sing in harmony is left up to chance. That is a precarious place for a marriage to be, and it could jeopardize the relationship. On the other hand, what an incredible experience it is when multiple parts are combined to emphasize the beautiful melody of a sound marriage. As these parts compliment the musical theme, they can further enhance a marriage that might be strong on its own.

Symphony
In the case of a symphonic orchestra, an elaborate composition of three or more movements is performed by a large number of string, wind, and percussion instruments. Each group of instruments will typically have a different role to play in the composition. The violins will play different notes than the cellos or basses. Their rhythm may also be different. Flutes, trumpets, and clarinets offer a different feel and mood than the stringed instruments. The addition of a piano, drums, and cymbals can add energy and emphasis to a strong musical theme. Alone, they would not accomplish the same result, but together they portray a story with broader range and depth.

Outside relationships can also have a profound effect on the success of a marriage. While these also add depth and energy, a symphony requires a conductor to lead, pace, and keep a good balance. In this instance, a musical theme is more important than a single melody. Life becomes more and more complicated as I introduce other parts and instruments to my life. In order to keep proper balance, I rely heavily upon my conductor to lead me. God is our conductor. He is always willing to direct us if we will watch and follow.

Dissonance vs. Cacophony
Some of my favorite music has parts that aren’t very harmonious. The music has character, depth, and feeling, but it doesn’t always make me happy. Sometimes the music doesn’t seem either comforting or pleasing. Instead it is dissonant. Chords seem incongruous; they lack agreement or consistency, or they are harsh and unsettling. In a musical composition, this is often used to create certain moods, or a deliberate tension that builds just before resolution. The dissonance can last for a few notes, or for an entire movement. The use of major and minor keys can influence the way we feel about a musical theme, as well as aid in telling a story. Without some sort of resolution to compare the dissonance with, it may be mistaken for cacophony.

I don’t know that I would recommend looking for dissonance in a marriage relationship on purpose. Differences seem plentiful enough without having to look for more. At the same time, I don’t know that I would fear the music, just because a few measures are incongruous or unsettling. Dissonance in marriage doesn’t mean that the marriage is bad or failing. It simply means the relationship is in some need of resolution. My resolution has more to do with me being resolute in sticking to my melody or musical theme than it does with having a perfect marriage. Yes, dissonance may have an associated mood that is hard to overcome, that is unless there is a conscious effort to resolve differences.

As a couple works through their issues of dissonance, something is needed to bring them back together again. Singing in unison is one way to do this. The results are easier to predict when a couple is doing the same things together. This may be especially helpful when partners want to fix their problems, but smaller efforts haven’t seemed to work. In many cases, however, unison may not be required. Mere acknowledgement of the melody or musical theme may be enough to get the couple back in harmony. A decision of what key to perform in will help. If one partner is playing a major key, and having a very positive experience, while the other is playing a minor key and is not receiving the same benefit, dissonance will turn to distance until the matter is resolved. Failure to be resolute in keeping covenants or commitments of loyalty will leave the couple in a state of cacophony.

Fidelity
Some musical performances are worth repeating again and again. Back by popular demand, a musician may repeat a show, or the performance may be recorded so that it can be enjoyed as often as a listener wants to play it. Fidelity in this sense refers to the quality of the recording, or the degree of accuracy to which the recording reflects the original performance. If the sound quality is diminished, there is less fidelity in the recording. If the best instruments and tools are used to record the performance, the music can achieve high fidelity. Hi-fi performances are much more valuable than music that diminishes over time.

A married couple looking for ways to create a hi-fi marriage would do well to employ the best instrument possible, namely the heart – the truer the heart, the greater fidelity in marriage. Strict observance of covenants, not just in actions, but also in intent, will help a couple to remain faithful to their original commitments of marriage. It will help them stay true to the feelings and emotions that brought them together in the first place.

Prior to the advent of the digital age, analog recordings could be damaged and altered if a record was scratched or a cassette tape was stretched. The music was no better than the means to record it. Similarly, marriage is no better than our methods to protect it and maintain its definition. Remaining loyal to our initial commitment and investment of marriage is a choice. If we maintain our choice each day, keeping it free from scratches or distortion, it will not only retain its value, it will increase in value because that kind of fidelity is less and less common in society.

Fidelity in this case does not only refer to sexual purity, but purity of thought, and intent. If covenants are made to honor, support, and love a marriage partner with a fullness of heart, anything that diminishes that level of commitment also diminishes the fidelity of that marriage. Alternates and substitutes can begin to eclipse the marriage relationship which result in distortion and failed fidelity, even when no serious transgressions are evident.

In some cases, the original commitment of marriage may seem damaged beyond repair. A weakened relationship may require re-mastering to get back to the original quality. There are ways to fix these types of challenges, but it requires the efforts of both marriage partners to accomplish. Usually it also requires a deep faith in God, and a willingness to include Him in maintaining the relationship as well. With God, nothing shall be impossible.

The pursuit of high fidelity requires an honest look at the influences we allow into our lives. Simply put, differences, interests, or outside influences that detract from or weaken a marriage relationship keep that most important relationship from being what it could be. While it may not be wrong, it prevents the married couple from having high fidelity and limits the potential of the relationship. In contrast, outside influences that improve a marriage relationship could also be deemed to improve fidelity. A couple seeking a celestial marriage with eternal increase should not settle for an acceptable relationship. Their goal should be higher, always looking for ways to improve their fidelity at greater and greater levels.

I believe it is important to maintain a constant evaluation of your marriage. Some relationships only sound good, and some relationships are sound. Part of being sound is being true – true to each other and true to your covenants. A sound marriage is one where both partners work through differences in marriage by finding ways to return to each other. It’s all about sticking to your melody and maintaining high fidelity. Finding ways to stay true to the theme you started with makes the best music.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

What's the Difference?

Marriage was the main topic du jour recently as I sat in a small park with a friend. We had found a comfortable place to discuss an aspect that is sometimes a little uncomfortable. He described the memories he was happiest with in his marriage, as well as parts that were troubling. Most of these were needs-based. Sounds like most marriages, right? Occasionally the sweet is mixed with a little bitter? As he talked about his interests, and how he and his wife differed on several points, I recognized some familiar themes.

This conversation caused me to reflect on an old TV commercial from my childhood. A well known soft drink company advertised a simple taste test to help sell their product. The comparison of two different drinks required a taster to determine which drink was preferred based on taste alone. Though one drink may have tasted better than the other, I think the commercial was a bit biased as it highlighted the results favoring the soft drink paying for the commercial. Though expected, the bias is not very helpful if you are trying to improve a marriage. It’s really helpful to have both perspectives.

While I feel I have a great marriage, Liz and I also have some differences that are pretty common in most marital relationships. When taste testing our personal differences, I find that some of our differences taste good and some don’t. Many of our differences are so small it’s hard to tell the difference at all. We simply have the same taste, or you might say we just have a lot in common. Most of the time, this works to our advantage.

In a few cases, our personality traits are so varied that the differences are stark. If we are not careful, these differences can result in a contest to see which trait tastes better, or which one will come out as a dominant factor in making decisions for the two of us. I like to think that we take turns winning, or conceding, but you’ll have to confirm that with Liz. So I ask myself, if some differences are good and some are not, what’s the difference? I think the answer is worth digging a little deeper for. There is a difference between our differences and the way we perceive them.

As I look at my relationship with my wife, I find that our strengths are quite often weaknesses, too. In reality, they are just traits that define who we are, each one with its own set of pros and cons. For example, Liz and I are both quite methodical and organized, which makes us very compatible as we solve problems together. Yet when we look at the detail of how we approach a problem, our differences become more apparent. Liz tends to be more logical and rational. I tend to be more intuitive. I’ve noticed that these personality traits also affect how we react to circumstances when our needs aren’t met. We each get grumpy, jealous, and dissatisfied for different reasons. Quite often, Liz’s reasons are more logical and mine are more emotional. How’s that for a stereotypical gender switch? If we are not careful, it is easy to miss each other’s needs because they are different than our own.

No matter how similar we are, or how similar our needs are, we are still different people with different experiences. Our roles, activities, and choices shape who we are as well as our needs. In addition to eating and sleeping, we each have interests that fuel us and give us energy. Finding room in our lives for some of these things is in keeping with the Thirteenth Article of Faith. “If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” (The Articles of Faith 1:13) I believe there is a lot of latitude here for personal interests.

While Liz and I spend time together, more regularly in the early morning and in the evening, our focus during the daytime is often quite different. Liz has a degree in Elementary Ed and spends more time volunteering in our children’s school classes. She takes a greater role in their education and extra curricular activities than I do. My background, on the other hand, is in art and design and I spend most of my time during the day developing architectural designs for various buildings.

As might be expected, many of our personal interests are related to the things we do most during the daytime. Liz enjoys sewing and is an excellent seamstress. She also loves scrapbooking. In my spare time, I find other creative outlets such as fine art and music. I also love running. While there are similarities to our favorite pastimes, and we are both project-oriented individuals, our projects and interests are often very different. As we gain more and more experience in our interests over time, it would seem that our interests could take us further and further apart. Yikes!

These simple differences can seem much greater when a couple fails to understand each other’s needs, especially those deeper than pastimes. I recently spoke with a couple who was having some challenges in their marriage. One was looking for more of an intellectual and emotional connection. The other was craving more expression of love through touch and affection. The couple had a difficult time relating to each other and their differences were growing. Sadly, neither of the two understood the other’s needs well enough to help. They were only getting one perspective on the taste test.

I find it interesting that the adage, “opposites attract,” is often true, but not always. There are enough instances to prove otherwise. Some opposites such as gender are very attractive. We each have talents and experience that compliment each other, which in turn enriches a relationship. On the other hand, differences such as work ethic, spending habits, and favorite pastimes may detract from and even divide a relationship, especially if they are not managed.

Whether you have a fairly strong marriage or one that is feeling pretty rocky, taking a closer look at differences in marriage can make all the difference in how you perceive your relationship. Expecting a mixture of similarities and differences is not only healthy, it’s realistic. It’s important to note that some differences are attractive and some are divisive. Some are complimentary and some are competing. But it’s not the difference alone that makes the difference. There is something about similarities and differences that make them positive or negative.

Beyond similarities and differences lies a deeper issue, namely, attraction. If we are attracted to a similarity or difference, we move closer to it. As this happens we are more likely to adopt and become like the trait that attracts us. What makes some traits attractive and others not? What type of incentives does it take to make a stronger relationship? An obvious conclusion is a clear benefit.

Quite often we see differences as good when there is a potential for some gain or opportunity. I can’t say I know anyone who develops a friendship so they can experience loss, or gets married so they can be miserable. Most relationships are based on some mutual benefit. In a marriage I believe the benefit needs to go both ways. The benefit may not need to be the same, but it should be mutual and proportionate.

Similarities are attractive for obvious reasons. Finding someone who thinks like you, acts like you, and feels like you is very validating. It feels good to know that someone else can relate. I don’t feel lonely or isolated when someone else thinks like I do. It adds strength to my resolve and passion to my interests. In this case, the greater the similarities, the greater the attraction.

Differences can be attractive for similar reasons. Finding someone who thinks like you, but knows more than you, can be uplifting and encouraging. Sharing with someone who thinks like you, but has found a different way to express it, can be inspiring. I am grateful for friends who can do more than I can when they are willing to teach me a new skill. I am enthused by others who can do something I can’t when I can also see the opportunity for personal growth.

When I am fearful of differences, it is usually for selfish reasons, or because I am feeling a need to be protective. Finding someone who thinks like I do, and who has the potential to take something I have worked hard for, can be terrifying. Sharing my opportunities with someone who may use them against me is threatening. I am leery of differences that could result in undesirable change or loss.

I also believe there are times we should be fearful of differences in marriage. These instances have everything to do with the heart and intent. Differences of themselves are nothing. It is only what we make of the differences or what we do with them that makes them good or bad. If a difference in interest, opinion, or want gains enough importance that my marriage relationship begins to decrease in priority then I am on dangerous ground. Such differences create unnecessary distance between a married couple. As that distance increases it becomes harder and harder to repair; thus the council from the Lord to love and cleave unto your spouse and none else. (Doctrine & Covenants 42:22)

The safest way I have determined to evaluate differences in marriage is to ask a few simple questions. Will this difference make me a better person? Am I being selfish, or is this something that will help me to accomplish more good? Will this difference strengthen my marriage or weaken it? Does my spouse agree with me?

Earlier I suggested that there is a difference between our differences and the way we perceive them. Understanding this can help us to manage all of our differences in marriage. As I have looked closer, here is what I have found:

• We each decide whether differences will be attractive or divisive. It is a personal choice. No one decides that for us.
• Differences can be managed with mutual understanding and cooperation. Both spouses can shape whether or not their differences will be divisive by having a common focus. Making sure that each other remains the primary focus in the relationship, and not their differences, will help increase their unity.
• Taste is a personal preference, and our taste can change. Some differences can be an acquired taste. Trying to understand our spouse’s perspective gives us a taste of who they really are. We don’t have to swallow everything, but a taste of something else that is good might open our hearts as well as our minds, especially when it comes to understanding each other’s needs.
• Differences are less dangerous when we are less selfish. The more I can move the focus from me to we, and still have my basic needs met, the more I become like the Savior.
• Overcoming our differences can be different than overcoming weaknesses. We may not need to get rid of our differences to overcome them. When we struggle to work through our differences, and we feel that we are making no progress, Father in Heaven is always willing to help if we turn to Him in prayer. This works best when we first turn our hearts.

There is one crowning principle pertaining to differences that will help us become more like the Savior. We are all members in the body of Christ. We have differences that make us stronger. The key is to make sure that our covenant relationships stay intact and preeminent.

The apostle Paul taught, “For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ. … For the body is not one member, but many. … And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? … But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. And if they were all one member, where were the body? But now are they many members, yet but one body. … God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked: That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it. Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.” (1 Corinthians 12:12-27) Paul then talks about gifts of the spirit, and of charity.

The Lord also revealed, concerning His gifts, "that ye may not be deceived seek ye earnestly the best gifts, always remembering for what they are given; For verily I say unto you, they are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do; that all may be benefited that seek or that ask of me, that ask and not for a sign that they may consume it upon their lusts. And again, verily I say unto you, I would that ye should always remember, and always retain in your minds what those gifts are, that are given unto the church. For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby. ... He that asketh in the Spirit asketh according to the will of God; wherefore it is done even as he asketh. And again, I say unto you, all things must be done in the name of Christ, whatsoever you do in the Spirit; And ye must give thanks unto God in the Spirit for whatsoever blessing ye are blessed with." (Doctrine & Covenants 46:8-12, 30-32)

Jesus is our head. As we take direction from Him, He will lead us back to the Father. If we are honest in our efforts to do so, the Holy Ghost will teach us how. The Holy Ghost will also sanctify our hearts and remove the impurities that make us selfish if we will yield to His enticings. As we choose to honor our covenants, and honor our spouses whom we have made those covenants with, then we will learn how to make our differences become attractive. We will find that we have more in common then than we did before.

Understanding these principles is a lot different than understanding our differences in marriage. For those seeking a celestial marriage, we should expect to be tested in all things, even in matters of taste. There is a difference between being one and being the same. I’m much happier when I understand the difference.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Renewable Fuel and Individual Power

Thousands of windmills were spread across the hillside of the Altamont Pass. The impression of enormity was stunning. Each windmill in the wind farm towered over me by several stories. The experience of being next to a single windmill was vastly different than seeing the panorama from my home in Tracy, California. I remember many mornings looking through clouds to see the Altamont range in the west. Most of the time I could not see the windmills that covered those hills. Occasionally, the sky was clear enough to see the full array in the distance. For some reason, I recall more of those moments on Sunday mornings as I was leaving for church. Although not related, that relationship made an interesting association for me.

Contrasting this image with the effects of ever-present coal-burning in the Nineteenth Century suggests not only a different picture, but a different way of life. Poet, Thomas Hardy penned the following in his poem, The Darkling Thrush:

I leant upon a coppice gate
When Frost was spectre-gray
And Winter’s dregs made desolate
The weakening eye of day.
The tangled bine-stems scored the sky
Like strings of broken lyres,
And all mankind that haunted night
Had sought their household fires.

In American cities where coal was available for fuel, skies were often blighted with coal dust and smoke. Snow and clothing on a clothesline, alike, would be grayed from the use of this black fuel. Walls and ceilings inside of homes would be layered in soot. Coal dust would collect inside walls and attics, and would settle on the surface of drapes and furniture. The presence of coal was everywhere and dusting was a part of daily life. Many of the negative effects of this fuel were widely overlooked because it was such a powerful fuel.

Power and electricity are an integral part of modern life. We depend on power to heat and cool our buildings, to prepare and preserve our food, to light our homes, to run our appliances, and to power our computers. Technology scarcely exists without electricity. Without power, long lines of cars can be seen waiting to take turns passing through a busy intersection when a traffic signal goes out. Without power, businesses and industry come to a halt. We rely on power to fuel our lives, and yet fuel is required to generate power.

In past generations, it may have been difficult to separate the need for fuel with the type of fuel that was available, only because options were limited. However, after decades of ignoring the fact that some fuels create problems that don’t go away without intervention, the idea of stewardship for our environment is increasing. Why? Because there are better options.

The windmills of the Altamont Pass Wind Farm generate enough power to run 120,000 homes a year. This represents nearly a third of California’s emission-free energy. Harnessing the winds, such as those that approach 30 miles per hour as they pass from the coast into the Central Valley of California, is referred to as a passive energy solution. It is passive because it takes advantage of energy that is readily available without requiring additional fuel to generate it.

Similar to our outward energy needs, every individual person has a specific set of internal needs that fuels our motivations. This need for energy warms our hearts, preserves our hope, and lights our way. We are driven by desires. Our desire for comfort stretches our comfort levels to do hard things so that we can have more of what we want. Our need to eat and sleep compels us to put other interests aside. Our passions and appetites move us to act, which is a primary reason why we are here on earth – to learn how to act. As we learn to control these powerful motivators we learn to become more like God.

I believe that we often fail at separating our energy needs from the fuel that is required to acquire it. We may look at our desires and judge them as wrong because we associate them with pollutive processes. Or, we may justify the means of fueling our hope because our desires are so great. In either case, recognizing that there are better options will help us in our personal stewardships to control our desires, appetites, and passions.

Spencer W. Kimball taught that “Jesus saw sin as wrong but also was able to see sin as springing from deep and unmet needs on the part of the sinner.” I love this example because it demonstrates that Jesus’ ability to separate the sin from the sinner, and the need from the act. As I follow Jesus, I become better at making the same distinction. Most often, when I desire to do something wrong, or something that may not be good for me, it is usually not because I have evil desires, but because I have needs that aren’t being met. As I separate the need from the act, I can then determine the best way to make sure my divinely given needs are met.

Our passions can be great motivations when properly controlled. But all too often, when these needs go unmet, we become impatient. When promised blessings do not arrive when hoped for, we often accept alternatives. This willingness to settle for something less than what God intended makes us both vulnerable and susceptible to temptation. When a trial is delivered instead of a needed blessing, we are tempted to doubt God’s integrity. Instead of trusting that the pain is a sign that something greater is on its way or is about to be delivered, we question why God has forgotten us.

Considering the windmills of the Altamont, there are passive sources of individual power available for each of us to tap into. It does not mean that we can be passive in collecting the energy. It simply means that God has already provided a renewable energy source that will cover all of our needs. I don’t think I can overstate the full meaning of “all” in this sense. Father wishes to give us everything He has. He wants to provide for us. He wants us to turn our hearts toward Him and rely wholly upon Him as a source of our faith and hope.

If a windmill is not turned directly toward the wind, the propeller won’t turn as much as it could. If the parts are not maintained, the windmill won’t function properly and the initial expense will have been in vain. Similarly if our hearts are not turned to God, and if our necks are stiff so that we are not willing to adjust to changing circumstances, we cannot benefit from the blessings that He offers so freely. We will not be able to benefit from the price of the atoning sacrifice that was made up front by The Only Begotten. His effort will not have been in vain, but we may not fully benefit from it unless we choose to act in a manner that is consistent with His teachings.

One definite advantage of internal passive energy solutions is that I can access that power without having to pollute my own spiritual environment. I don’t have to worry about polluting my inheritance. I can find deeper peace and motivation to live fully with less expense and effort. The power of God is readily available to those who seek it. The cost, as always, is a broken heart and contrite spirit. The cost is choice. It’s not a cost to be undervalued, for sure. It is much better than the expense of a shattered life, heartache, or regret caused by a lifetime of ignored pollution and spiritual soot. With that kind of mess, if you haven’t been dusting on a daily basis, you will likely have some serious stains to clean. That is still doable, but much harder by comparison.

The beauty of this kind of individual power is that it is renewable. It doesn’t run out, and it isn’t a burden to maintain. Simply put, it is clean, and pure, and constant. When we turn to the Lord, his blessings flow over, even that there is not room enough to receive them. They are endless and eternal.

Recently I learned something alarming about the windmills of Altamont Pass. While there are many positive benefits to this passive and renewable power, thousands of windmills can also have a negative impact on the environment. It is estimated that these power collecting tools are responsible for the deaths of up to 4,700 birds each year. It is frustrating to find that something so good can still cause so much harm. In this case, the best methods we have found so far may be better than burning coal, but they still have some negative impacts. I guess we’ll keep trying and keep looking.

In my own life, there are times where I try to meet my own needs while making good choices, and then find that I have been successful at someone else’s expense. It is very disappointing to get a needed break only to find that one of my children was hoping to spend time with me. I would much rather spend time with my wife, knowing that it is just as rewarding for her as it is for me. For the most part, I think I am pretty successful. When I am not, well, I guess I have an opportunity to keep trying and keep looking.

There are other forces in the world that have greater energy potential. The ocean is deep and has a constant energy that doesn’t stop. The mass of the earth itself stores heat that we are only beginning to tap into. The sun radiates light constantly throughout the day. Our methods for tapping the resources that are already there without negative side effects are improving.

Perhaps there is yet a better way to find the personal energy I need. I don’t think I have to change my needs, I just have to adjust my methods. If I bridle my passions the way we bridle the wind, then I have a greater potential for my heart to be filled to overflowing. I may make some mistakes in the process, but at least I know that God’s way is always the best way. When I follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit, I don’t have to worry.

One significant key to finding this individual power that is renewable and constant was revealed by the Lord. It relates to the windmill being oriented directly toward the wind, or the source of power. He said, “And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.” (Doctrine & Covenants 88:67) I may not have all the answers now, but if I seek the light of Christ, I will be better prepared to comprehend better solutions, especially those that have fewer negative impacts.

The closer I get to the source of perfect power, the closer I get to perfection. I may have a long way to go, but at least I know my course. My desires, appetites, and passions provide motivations to live more fully. My needs aren’t wrong, they just need to be harnessed. As I practice, little by little I gain a greater understanding of how to put that fuel to work without pollution. I employ better methods. I take advantage of the power within and without. I look for ways to become more like God. As I succeed, I am not only sustained, I am renewed. I become better.

Individual power starts with the power to choose. As I control myself in a manner that is pleasing to God, I find more energy to do what I need to, as well as the things I desire. For me, that’s the best kind of fuel.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Maybe I’m Still a Toddler

This morning I sat a little more incognito in a church congregation other than my own. The setting was Washington D.C. The sermon was taught by a toddler. In fact he sat in the pew right in front of me. It’s not that the other speakers weren’t uplifting; I just discovered I could learn a lot from a two-year old.

The beautiful young mother who claimed the boy was doing a marvelous job of keeping his sermon under control. She was patient. Knowing the capability of her boy, it may have been that she didn’t want to take the spotlight away from the other sacrament meeting speakers. In any event, I couldn’t help but notice the dialogue between the two after the boy started with an object lesson. He leaned forward, cocked the trigger, and released his body movement backward where he hit his head on the top edge of the pew.

“Don’t bump your head on the bench,” she whispered calmly, “It will hurt.”

“No,” was his reply.

“Yes,” was hers.

“No.”

“Yes. It will.” Her voice remained loving and patient.

“No.” I could tell that he wasn’t trying to be defiant; it just came natural without any thought. He liked the “power word” he had discovered not long ago.

“See this wood right here?” his mother said, pointing to the back of the bench.

The boy looked at the bench, and having done what she said, replied, “No.” Then he repeated the backward movement again and hit his head on the bench. It is possible that it really didn’t hurt, and that is why he said no. I have a suspicion, however, that he was having more fun refuting his mother than he was trying to hit his head.

Sometimes I hit my head on the bench repeatedly, convinced it wont hurt that much. Even if it doesn’t – even if pain is not the issue – Father has prepared specific lessons for me, and if I miss what He is trying to teach me, I just keep banging my head on the wall. It’s more frustrating when, after the fact, I realize what I have been doing, especially if I have refused to look behind me at the pew.

Next it was time for the sacrament, but the boy didn’t pause his sermon at all. He proceeded to hold up his toy, and said, “Helihopter.” He then made raspberry sounds with his tongue trying to simulate the sound of a propeller on a helicopter. Looking at his mother, he asked, “Sacament?” The mother nodded her head. His retort was swift as though he had been preparing his talk for months. “I’na go home!” Perhaps he was convinced that she didn’t understand, or maybe he understood that good preachers will sometimes repeat an idea for effect as he himself continued to repeat, “I’na go home,” over and over, using every possible intonation variation he could think of. I think he was more interested in experimenting to see how many different ways he could say the same thing than he was in trying to get his point across. Eventually he was distracted by the bread and water being passed, at least temporarily.

The boy figured out a new way to make noise when the mother informed him, “don’t do that or you’ll have to go out.” It was amazing to see the thought process parade across his face in a matter of seconds before he looked at her and said, “I’na go out.” Remember, two-year-olds understand emphasis more than we give them credit when they can slow down the pronunciation of a key word by two to three times. The word, “out,” was said in just such a way, with his slightly-whining-tone dropping as he lengthened the word.

I couldn’t help but chuckle, mostly because I could relate. There are a lot of things I “wanna” do sometimes, but I can’t – at least not at the moment. Sometimes I whine, too. It isn’t hard to think, “I would rather be anyplace than here,” when things aren’t going the way I want them to. If I could take an easier way out of a difficult situation, I just might. Most of the time, it isn’t even offered to me.

Whether it is my home on earth, or my home in heaven, I know what it feels like to want to go home, too. That may be my most important goal, but I can often be distracted by what I want. If I am distracted too much, I may want to give up and get out. Seldom does that really get me where I need to go. It is simply another distraction that seems to offer relief.

Once the boy found a quiet activity book with familiar colors and shapes, he left his sermon for a time. I don’t think this had the same effect on me as an intermediate rest hymn (which gives us rest from what, I don’t know), but it too came to an end, as did his attention for the book. Next came another object lesson.

The boy walked over to his little baby sister and apparently wanted to hit her, so he did. This, like everything else in his lesson, came in a pattern that he repeated over and over. Whap, whap, whap. Again, similar to his other messages, I don’t think he was as concerned about hurting his sister as he was in wanting to hit her. Why is it that we have a natural tendency to hurt those we love most, usually without meaning to? His mother saw what was happening and placed her hand in front of her daughter, offering her hand as an alternative target. The boy caught on to the game quick and diverted his fire and brimstone toward a more eager participant.

In this case, the boy’s intent wasn’t wrong; it just needed to be redirected. He was chastened and he hardly noticed. More and more I try to look at what I am doing and ask, “What effect is this having on those around me? Am I hurting them without meaning to? How can I redirect my intent to avoid causing pain?” I really take no pleasure in hurting others, especially those I love most. In order to avoid doing this, I have to look through their eyes, which is not always an easy thing.

As the boy’s sermon drew to a close, he gave one more glance at his mother, paused until she was looking directly at him, and then he repeated his head-banging-on-bench statement to sum up his topic. Was he right? Maybe. Was his mother right? Yes. Did the two see eye to eye by the end of the sermon? No, I don’t think so. That may take a few years, or fifty.

The boy obviously hasn’t been introduced to the concept of a dénouement, or he would have recognized that he had the perfect conclusion to his message. Instead, he sat there smiling for a moment (as if to say, “wait for it…”), then suddenly he ruptured into tears. Kablowey! Instant meltdown. The fact of the matter was that HE WAS HUNGRY, and he just barely noticed. Sadly for him, he didn’t have anything to eat. After the closing prayer, the sobbing boy exited the chapel holding his mother’s hand, still missing the lesson. Or did he?

If I find that I have a greater understanding than a toddler and still exhibit the same behavior, can I rightly say that he understands any less than I do. Sometimes I cry when I don’t get what I want. I make up reasons of why my needs are greater than a toddler. And then, when I look through his eyes, I start to understand that we are not that different.

Each time the boy delivered part of his message, I could see that his intent could be taken wrong. He did one thing, but it usually didn’t match his intent. The truth of the matter is that he was just trying to do his best, staying where he should be, right where his mother and his Father wanted him to be. That was part of the lesson intended for him.

When life gets hard, I remember that my Savior has no intention of hurting me. In fact, in His case, he paid a price that I could not pay at all, just so I wouldn’t have to. He offers His hand to me, regardless of whether I take it or divert my fire and brimstone towards Him. I hope I never do that again. His hand gives me great comfort. His intent is to save me. Fortunately for me, He communicated that clearly without confusion when He offered not only His hand, but His life. I am so grateful for the lessons He has taught me. I am grateful for His gift.

Too many times, the lessons I was meant to learn are so obvious. They have been right in front of my nose the entire time. Sometimes, they are seated on a pew rather than a pulpit.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Change

While living in California for a couple of years, I missed a particular family get-together that has been repeatedly retold ever since. The story goes that my niece, a toddler at the time, was just catching on to the concept of Christmas and what it meant to be given a gift. One of the gifts that she received was unforgettable – a pair of socks. She was so excited! Because of her reaction, someone in the family decided to hand her another gift. The socks were rewrapped and presented to her again. To her delight she received “another” pair. I’m not sure exactly how long Christmas kept improving like this until she realized that she was continually reopening the same gift.

Boyd K. Packer once said, “Things that don’t change remain the same.” It’s a nice piece of common sense, don’t you think? With the scarcity of common sense sometimes, it is helpful to have the obvious pointed out so plainly. I often wonder why some circumstances in my life don’t seem to change as fast as I would like. Then I look to see if I have done anything to merit a different outcome. “Hmm. I guess not,” is my usual observation.

My wife and I have been discussing some of our observations about change this week on our early morning walks. I won’t steal too much of her thunder, but she had a great analogy for life’s lessons. We all seem to learn the same lessons, but we often learn them in a different order. Sometimes we don’t learn from them when the opportunity is given to us. Consequently, we keep opening the same present expecting a different result. I’m not sure about you, but I often find the wrapping paper looks a little different, but the bow that wraps up the gift seems to be the same each time.

Whether or not change is desirable seems to have everything to do with choices. If I have control over my choices, and the resulting change, I feel better about things. When I feel like the change is out of my control, and that it limits my choices, I feel very uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel trapped, frozen, or confined. I feel like I am being acted upon because I am not able to control my circumstances. It is interesting to note that agency is the freedom to choose within a given set of conditions. I don’t always get to choose the conditions, which leaves me with the feeling of not having control. This doesn’t mean I have lost my agency, or my ability to choose.

Liz and I recently talked with some good friends about the types of change we have felt and experienced this year. Some changes are a gradual deluge of blessings or trials. Some are more abruptly taken or given. Occasionally a change may appear to take everything you have learned and turn it upside down, as though it no longer is true, only to find out that you just had to shake out the parts that weren’t true to make room for things that are truer. Each type of change has its place in the lessons we get to unwrap. That said, it is still easier to make sense of a difficult lesson after you have gone through it and completed it than it is to get your bearings when you are right in the middle.

One beautiful example of change is the transformation of a caterpillar to a butterfly. The caterpillar has its own type of beauty, while the butterfly has an aesthetic quality that seems to be more widely recognized. Seldom, however, have I heard anyone say, “Hey, look at that! Have you ever seen such a stunning cocoon?” Yet it is inside the veil-thin walls of a cocoon that the beautiful transformation takes place. The separation is just enough for the caterpillar to become something new and amazing, no matter how confining it appears. Having experienced mild forms of claustrophobia before, I wonder what the caterpillar feels like during the process.

Another type of change is related to temperance, or the ability to endure lessened conditions. In the case of tempered steel, a piece of steel is gradually heated to a very hot temperature. At the appropriate time and condition, the steel is then plunged into cold water, which causes a reaction in the metal. The immediate change in circumstances may seem a shock to the system, but it makes the steel much, much stronger. There are times when I have had a gradual increase in blessings, only to have them taken away in an instant. Conversely, I have also had trials that increased gradually to where it seemed I could bear no more, and then there was instantaneous relief. I remember those sudden changes acutely, with both sorrow and happiness.

Whether a slow process of being confined with in a veil or cocoon, or the abrupt process of tempering, change becomes more manageable and endurable when I can count on someone to help me through the process who knows exactly what I am feeling. In many cases, the only one who understands completely is God.

C. S. Lewis compared this transformation process to God helping us with a slight remodeling job. “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right, and stopping the leaks in the roof, and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably, and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of– throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

It is often difficult to tell at the onset whether God is giving us a trial or a blessing. There have been many times that I have received a blessing only to discover that it was a test to see if I would do what I said I would do in a circumstance where I had less need. I have also found a number of trials to be great blessings after the fact because of the way they made me stronger, more capable, and more able to receive greater blessings. The more I experience change, the more inclined I am to hold out on passing judgment, and simply acknowledge that Father knows a better way.

The Lord taught Joseph Smith an important principle about accountability. He said, “He that receiveth of God, let him account it of God; and let him rejoice that he is accounted of God worthy to receive.” (Doctrine & Covenants 50:34) Each phrase in this sentence is worth looking at carefully. The Lord doesn’t specify whether it is blessings or trials that we receive at His hand, just that we should acknowledge Him if He is the giver. This also implies that accountability is not just responsibility, but acknowledging duty and devotion to the giver. Lastly, the fact that we have received a trial or blessing from God implies that He feels we are ready for it. Receiving an opportunity or a lesson from God is different than taking it. Perhaps there are trials that may be self-induced, but all blessings come from God and we should rejoice that He stays involved in our personal lives.

If I can get past my initial assessment of whether an experience, opportunity, or lesson is a blessing or a trial, and merely recognize when it is of God, then my perception of the experience undergoes a change. It may not be easy, but my attitude will likely be different and the change begins to affect me internally and not just externally. This requires me to change my mind about changing my heart, a softening that helps me to yield because I know God is always right.

Many years ago when I was a teenager, I read in Matthew 3 where there is a description of John the Baptist. I looked at a footnote to John’s name and saw the following, “The Greek word denotes ‘a change of heart or mind,’ i.e. ‘a conversion.’ ” Since I share his name, I was excited that my name had that kind of meaning. It gave me the desire to be converted to a greater degree. I was inspired to actively seek a change of heart and mind rather than fear it. This simple verse had a great impact on me for many years. It was only recently that I read that same passage again and made a startling discovery. I realized that I had read the wrong footnote. The note that I had attached myself to referred to the word, “repent,” that appears in the adjacent verse. I had been mistaken about the reference perhaps, but I hadn’t been wrong about the meaning.

This epiphany (or rather, apostrophe, if you will) didn’t shatter me because I had been wrong about reality. Whether or not the verse pointed to the footnote that meant so much to me was irrelevant. The important truth, in this case, was that I saw something that inspired me, enough that I wanted to change for the better. I made a choice. The truth was, I had read something full of meaning and I internalized it. It was powerful enough that it caused me to make changes on my own. I had followed a partial idea that led me to a much better place. Occasionally when I experience a change, and the world as I know it seems to turn upside down, I find that I am just shaking off the things that may not be true. Then when everything turns right-side-up again, I have a more accurate picture that leads me to an even better place. So much of my ability to do this depends on faith and intent.

Alma the younger spoke of his father, Alma, and the change that he underwent as he listened to the prophet Abinadi. He said, “And according to his faith there was a mighty change wrought in his heart. Behold I say unto you that this is all true.” (Alma 5:12) Changes were occurring all around Alma the elder. He was being taught that many of his choices had been wrong. Even though he was a priest called to lead the people to do good, he was leading them astray. Alma began to internalize what he heard into something that he could feel. Instead of hardening his heart and resisting change, he softened his heart and acted upon what he knew to be true. Because of his faith, he wrought a mighty change.

The beauty of this example is that Alma was in control of whether he was acting or being acted upon. Rather than choosing to be angry at the implications on his character, he chose the path of greater freedom. He chose not to resist the changes the Lord wanted to make in his life. Alma also records what the Lord did for others. “Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God.” (Alma 5:7) This suggests that a hardened heart is sleepy and not very cognizant. Choosing to resist God lulls us further to sleep to where we have a diminished sense of reality. On the other hand, obeying God gives us increased understanding, ability, and awareness. When we are presented with an opportunity for positive change, it always leads to a better place.

As a creature of habit and weakness looking for stability and security, change does not come easy for me. A willingness to be obedient doesn’t necessarily make obedience less painful. Instead, that willingness may provide an opportunity to get to a better place with less lingering in sorrow or sleepy resistance. The difficulty of the change does not dissipate or disappear, but the opportunity to change increases my opportunity to find greater happiness sooner. If I wish to be like God, I have to be willing to change. I need to depend upon Him and rely upon His understanding to get me through the transformation. I have to trust that I will be safe within the veil of my understanding. The cocoon is there to protect me as much as provide a reason to have faith. As I am tempered, my desire may grow stronger, but so does my ability to make correct choices. Through practice, I become more and more comfortable with change, even when it is difficult. Through obedience I become more like God.

There is a small irony with change. God is constant and does not vary. “I am the Lord, I change not….” (Malachi 3:6) And yet He asks us to do something that He does not do. Why? God only asks us to change so we can become more like Him. He wants us to eliminate our imperfections and our sins. He wants us to change our hearts to match His. When we have done that, we will no longer be required to change. Until then, He will continue to provide us with opportunities to change for the better. If we see them for what they are, and we internalize these changes in our hearts, He will provide more opportunities. If not, we may find that we keep getting the same opportunity again and again. The wrapping may be different, but the bow that ties it all together is usually the same.

Change is rarely easy, but it is the path back to Father. Placing my faith in Him allows me to internalize the changes occurring around me and soften my heart. As my heart becomes more flexible, I become more like Him. I become more eligible to access His power that makes all things seem possible. All I have to do is turn to Him. Difficult challenges become more manageable and endurable when I can count on someone to help me through the process who knows exactly what I am feeling. In most cases, the only one who fits that description is the One who provided the opportunity for me to change in the first place. Receiving positive change is receiving God. Placing my faith in Him as I open my heart to change makes all the difference in the outcome.


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Lose Your Self, Not Your Perspective

There is often a difference between “being right” and “being righteous.” Wanting to be right isn’t a bad thing. This desire can stem from a desire to do good, to be obedient, and to be sure that the path we are on will take us to the right destination. It suggests that we are not only seeking good, but that we have found it, or at least some part that is worth holding on to. It may also be evidence that our faith has resulted in a knowledge of good and evil.

Our actions after we have found something good are what determine our own goodness. It is then that we find whether we match the goodness we have discovered, or if we merely admire something that is better than ourselves. I often sorrow for my own weaknesses when I have discovered the latter. Yet if I didn’t recognize this truth, I could never get past “being right” to “become" righteous.

I believe the desire for security to be innate in all of us. We want to be happy. We want to be successful, and we want the happiness we have found to continue. In order to do so, it is natural to guard what we have and what we know. We settle. We are willing to accept the little bit of success we have gained at the risk of forgetting there is much more. So, here lies the heart of the problem, and the difference between being right and being righteous. I have to be willing to ask myself a difficult question. “Am I protecting myself, my success, and my possessions, or am I protecting my ability to gain more truth?” My answer to this question should clearly define where I feel safe and show where my insecurities are.

Settling for a lesser truth can be very risky. Consider a difficult court case where a defendant is being tried for a serious offense. It is difficult to know whether the person is innocent, guilty, or merely negligent without proper evidence. If a verdict is determined too quickly based on a single piece of evidence, the judgment may not be fair. We may want to find a person either guilty or innocent, hoping for black and white clarity, when in fact the person may be some of each. I find that my imperfections put me in this camp more often than I would like. Just because I am trying to do what is right doesn’t mean I am completely right. Understanding this valuable truth will help me to turn to a more complete source. Personalizing this trial of faith will help me to understand that I have to defend truth without being personally defensive. If my own interests get in the way of the truth I am seeking, I become blinded and I stop seeing clearly.

In the coasts of Caesarea Philippi during his Galilean ministry, Jesus asked his disciples, “Whom say ye that I am?” Peter answered, “Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God. Jesus then told Peter he was blessed because he had received this witness from the Father. Immediately after, Jesus began to teach those who were with him of the things he had to do as the Christ and Savior of the World. He told them how he would suffer and be killed. Peter quickly began to rebuke him, telling Jesus that this wouldn’t happen. Jesus’ response to Peter is a little disturbing. “Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.” (Matthew 16:15-16, 22-23)

I feel for Peter. What a difficult thing to have just had a spiritual experience – to have born witness by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, to be told that the Church would be built upon the principles of revelation and priesthood keys, and that Peter himself would be given these as well as the sealing power to perform God’s work – and then to be told that you are Satan because you care not for the things that are God’s. I think if I had been in Peter’s shoes, I might have been a little confused and frightened. It would be easy to take the accusation personally without some degree of faith that Jesus was merely preparing Peter for something greater. Shortly after, Peter was given those keys as Moses, Elias, Elijah, and John the Baptist appeared to him on the mount of transfiguration. He continued to grow from grace to grace though he was not perfect. He learned how to see larger perspective through God’s eyes. He learned how to be trusted.

The struggle with self is perhaps the most difficult battle we will ever face. So much happens in the heart that goes unseen. Each of us places things that we treasure in our hearts. We make rooms for people who are important to us. We choose what we will think and how we will act by what we allow into our hearts. If we are selfish and self focused, we will savor the things of men rather than God. Yet if we enlarge our perspective so that our focus is on truth instead of our desires only, then self gets swallowed up in something greater. We become greater. Our outward beauty becomes a reflection of the change that takes place in our hearts. It demonstrates whether or not we have taken the Lord’s image into our own countenances.

Being swallowed up may sound like a negative thing, but this should not be compared to a hostile corporate takeover. Jesus invites us to come unto Him, so that we can follow Him and be with Him, He offers us a grand gift, to be a joint-heir of all that the Father has. He asks us to do what He has done. Offering ourselves up to be swallowed up in the will of the Lord is much like Jonah recognizing his mistakes, offering to be thrown off the ship only to be swallowed by the whale, and then be delivered safely. Had Jonah accepted this principle sooner, he could have swallowed his pride and been blessed instead of having to endure the stomach of a whale. Consider the sign of Jonah. (Matthew 16:4)

The prophet Abinadi foretold the difficult things Jesus would do during his ministry. Interestingly enough, it is the same thing that Jesus foretold to Peter. To King Noah he said, “And thus the flesh becoming subject to the Spirit, or the Son to the Father, being one God, suffereth temptation, and yieldeth not to the temptation, but suffereth himself to be mocked, and scourged, and cast out, and disowned by his people. … Yea, even so he shall be led, crucified, and slain, the flesh becoming subject even unto death, the will of the Son being swallowed up in the will of the Father.” (Mosiah 15:5-7) By yielding to the Holy Spirit and submitting our desires for sanctification and approval, we allow our will to be swallowed up in the will of the Father.

After Jesus chastened Peter, He taught him how to keep a clear perspective. He said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24) His disciples hadn’t seen him carry his own cross yet, but would according to his word. We may assume that they had seen others crucified along the roads of Jerusalem who had born their own cross before receiving their final sentence of death. In this symbolic act, if we take up our own cross, we may do something difficult that acknowledges the death of the natural man so that we can more properly follow the Savior. Jesus continues, “And now for a man to take up his cross, is to deny himself of all ungodliness, and every worldly lust, and keep my commandments.” (JST Matthew 16:26)

Jesus spake of His Cross and His deliverance as things that had already happened. He was obedient to the Father at every step. He also taught how we could follow him without having to make the same sacrifice, if we would just be willing to do so and then do whatever else He asks of us. The account of this story is recorded slightly different in three of the four gospels of the New Testament. Each one adds some insight to keeping a proper perspective.

In Matthew we read, “Break not my commandments for to save your lives; for whosoever will save his life in this world, shall lose it in the world to come.” (JST Matthew 16:27) Less dire than saving our lives is an attempt to save a mortgage, pay a bill, or provide for our wants and needs by breaking the sabbath or withholding our tithes and offerings from the Lord. If we are tempted to break a commandment to provide for a want, will we not be judged more harshly than if we were trying to save our lives? Still, the instruction remains not to break the commandments to save our lives. Rather than judging others for their decisions, I feel we are better off judging our own intent to see if we are trying to be right or trying to be righteous. If we are unsure, the Lord will help us to know if we ask in faith.

“For whosoever will save his life in this world, shall lose it in the world to come. And whosoever will lose his life in this world, for my sake shall find it in the world to come. Therefore, forsake the world, and save your souls….” (JST Matthew 16:27-29) Jesus’ words here have everything to do with priority. Do I give too much voice to my current needs that I forget about the tomorrow of eternity? Am I so focused on self that I lose my perspective? What am I willing to offer to make sure this does not happen? I find when I am not only willing to ask these questions, but answer them with positive action and choices, my perspective enlarges and I feel closer to the Holy Spirit.

In Mark we read, “For whosoever will save his life, shall lose it; or whosever will save his life, shall be willing to lay it down for my sake; and if he is not willing to lay it down for my sake, he shall lose it.” (JST Mark 8:37) This account reinforces that our willingness is most important. We may not have to give up everything. In fact, it is Father who wishes to give us everything, but He can only do it if our hearts are set upon Him instead of the things He wishes to give us. We have to be willing to endure and not settle for anything less than Him.

“In Luke we read, “For whosoever will save his life, must be willing to lose it for my sake; and whosoever will be willing to lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. For what doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world, and yet he receive him not whom God hath ordained, and he lose his own soul, and he himself be a castaway?” (JST Luke 9:24-25) Jesus enlarges this understanding beyond the will of the Father to include the words of those servants who have been called to teach us and chasten us. He does not ask that we give our lives in death, but to give our lives in service as we follow the Lord’s anointed. “Therefore deny yourselves of these, and be not ashamed of me.” (JST Mark 8:40)

On another occasion, Jesus taught this same principle and said, “Remember Lot’s wife. Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” (Luke 17:32-33) He then continued to tell them of some of the signs of the second coming, how there would be two and one would be taken and one left behind. If we wish to have oil in our lamps when the bridegroom returns for the wedding, we should be willing to put self aside and purify our hearts.

Jesus Christ has shown the way to eternal life with the Father. He has taught us the truth and has paid the price for our sins. As we partake the emblems of His atoning sacrifice, and swallow them to become part of us, we demonstrate a willingness to let him into our core, into our heart. By so doing we swallow our pride and offer up our hearts and our desires to Him. This offering is not so that we will give up, suppress, or deny those God given desires, appetites, and passions, but to allow him to purge “self” from them, making them more pure and more powerful. This sanctification of our hearts removes selfishness and makes room for Him whose love is as broad as the universe.

The hardest decisions I will ever make will take place in my heart. I tend to have more fear when I can only see the instant of now and what I have to give up. When I understand the larger picture, my judgment is clearer and I am more likely to swallow and offer willingly. Recognizing that God is the only complete source for truth and happiness helps me to turn my focus from self and keep it on Him.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Inasmuch as Ye Were Born

He looked at me, and I looked back. A large smile appeared on his face and he began to bounce. His eyes were large and trusting. Though he didn’t know who I was, the little boy wrapped each of his small hands around my index fingers and pulled himself to standing position on my lap. In an instant I remembered what it was like to have a baby again as we played for about an hour.

The boy’s parents, who are good friends of mine, have had a very challenging year. Anticipating a premature birth, and then having to keep their son in the hospital for the first couple months of his life was not easy. Many, many prayers were offered for them before and after his delivery. He is the recipient of a lot of invested faith. Their experience reminds me of the instruction the Lord gave to Eve after being cast out of the Garden of Eden. “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children….” (Genesis 3:16) Yet, who can doubt that the joy and happiness, also delivered by the Lord, far outweigh the costs of arrival?

Innocence is a short season before accountability. As my friends’ son looked into my eyes, there was no fear present, only hope. He had no reason to be afraid. He has not yet been tarnished by transgression or doubt. Whenever he has a need, he simply cries and his parents take care of him. Life is simple. Yet, what is more beautiful still is the potential for him to become something so much greater. As he becomes accountable, power will be given him to choose for himself. He will be able to choose what he would like to become. A pure life is powerful, but a life that is pure by choice is more so.

If purity is such a powerful virtue, then why is temptation so appealing? Why do we sometimes doubt that obedience to God’s commandments is always the best course? We may not be willing to state this openly, but our actions show where our faith is. So much depends on our needs and how they are met.

Spencer W. Kimball said that sin is the result of “deep and unmet needs on the part of the sinner.” Each of us has divinely given needs, appetites, and desires. Our passions can be great motivations when properly controlled. But all too often, when these needs go unmet, we become impatient. When promised blessings do not arrive when hoped for, we often accept alternatives. This willingness to settle for something less than what God intended makes us both vulnerable and susceptible to temptation. When a trial is delivered instead of a needed blessing, we are tempted to doubt God’s integrity. Instead of trusting that the pain is a sign that something greater is on its way or is about to be delivered, we question why God has forgotten us.

Each time my wife delivered one of our children, she experienced a period of intense pain as she labored to get them here. As the father, I felt like I could do little but support her and watch as she experienced something that I could not take away from her. That was not my role. Instead I tried to encourage her. I held her hand and tried to comfort her. I sometimes wondered how tightly she planned to squeeze my hand as each wave of contractions became stronger and stronger. My efforts did not feel very heroic. Her endurance was.

As we become more accountable, the period in which we are allowed to cry before our needs are met may increase. Courage is required if we are to face our weaknesses with faith. We gain strength and become more like God as our abilities are tested. Each wave of trials becomes greater, as does our faith if we exercise it well. Our Father in Heaven bases each lesson, not only on our accountability, but our capability. While the duration of time before deliverance may increase, His promises do not diminish. If anything, they become more powerful because our faith becomes stronger. Thus, we have every reason to hold on a little longer until we are delivered.

Recognizing that by reason of the transgression of Adam, all mankind became carnal, sensual, and devilish by nature, we all become guilty of sin and are in need of repentance. It is an interesting irony that we become devilish to please and satisfy our bodies, when the devil who tempts us does not have a body. It is when we choose to act like him, in spite of the promises of God, that we become devilish. Whether by deliberate sin or unintentional transgression, we can only become like God when we do what he would do, and this requires correction.

After Adam was cast out of the Garden, God told Adam how his needs could best be met. He said to him, “If thou wilt turn unto me, and hearken unto my voice, and believe, and repent of all thy transgressions, and be baptized, even in water, in the name of mine Only Begotten Son, who is full of grace and truth, which is Jesus Christ, the only name which shall be given under heaven, whereby salvation shall come unto the children of men, ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, asking all things in his name, and whatsoever ye shall ask, it shall be given you.” (Moses 6:52)

After we repent and are cleansed, we are offered the precious gift that will help us see that our needs our met. We become worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, who, in spite of our imperfections, will help us know what to ask for, and it then it will be given.

Consider the counsel given by the Lord to Joseph Smith. “I, the Lord, am merciful and gracious unto those who fear me, and delight to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth unto the end. Great shall be their reward and eternal shall be their glory.” He wants to bless us. He is only waiting for us to choose to be pure in heart as He is. “And to them will I reveal all mysteries…. Yea, even the wonders of eternity shall they know…. For by my Spirit will I enlighten them….” (Doctrine & Covenants 76:5-8, 10) Sometimes, the greatest mysteries we do not understand have to do with the trials we experience in mortality. We wonder, and we want to know what the Lord expects of us. If we are faithful, He will tell us and make His mysteries known.

After the Lord taught Adam about the Gift of the Holy Ghost, Adam asked, “Why is it that men must repent and be baptized in water?” The Lord answered Adam and said that he was forgiven of his transgression in the Garden of Eden. Because his children were conceived in a world of sin, subject to mortal conditions, “sin conceiveth in their hearts, and they taste the bitter, that they may know to prize the good.” Therefore we have to teach them to repent or they cannot inherit the kingdom of God. (Moses 6:53-57)

The Lord then teaches Adam about baptism, and the powerful symbol it is for our conversion by comparing it to the birthing process. He said, “Therefore I give unto you a commandment, to teach these things freely unto your children saying: That by reason of transgression cometh the fall, which fall bringeth death, and inasmuch as ye were born into the world by water, and blood, and the spirit, which I have made, and so became of dust a living soul, even so ye must be born again into the kingdom of heaven, of water, and of the Spirit, and be cleansed by blood, even the blood of mine Only Begotten; that ye might be sanctified from all sin, and enjoy the words of eternal life in this world, and eternal life in the world to come, even immortal glory.” (Moses 6:58-59)

Inasmuch as ye were born into the world, even so ye must be born again into the kingdom of heaven. In order to do this we need to put off the natural man and allow the carnal, sensual, and devilish desires to die. When we do, then there is sufficient room for righteous desires to flourish and thrive. The womb has only so much room for a baby to develop. Our hearts likewise only have so much room for our faith to develop when crowded by other desires. The things that are conceived in our hearts will determine our actions, and the blessings and trials that are delivered to us. Devilish desires cause the heart to contract, while righteous desires cause the heart to expand as wide as eternity.

The Lord continues, “For by the water ye keep the commandment; by the Spirit ye are justified, and by the blood ye are sanctified.” (Moses 6:60) These three pieces are very important. The commandments, justification, and sanctification are all connected and are necessary for us to receive the grace of God.

We are commanded to be baptized because, among other things, it is a symbol of our spiritual death and cleansing. The water is symbolic of the protective water that surrounded us at the time of our first birth. Coming up out of the water represents our spiritual rebirth into heaven. As we keep this commandment we are justified because we have chosen to be pure. As a witness, the Holy Spirit enters our hearts and confirms this truth. It is the presence of His influence that allows us to be sanctified through the atoning blood of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Because of his blood that was dispersed for our sins, and because of His infinite grace that covers the things we cannot do for ourselves, we may truly become clean and not just by washing with water. The washing by water, symbolic of a temporal cleansing, prepares us for a deeper spiritual cleansing.

While baptism is a temporal act, its spiritual significance is much greater. Regarding the commandments given to Adam, the Lord said, “Wherefore, verily I say unto you that all things unto me are spiritual, and not at any time have I given unto you a law which was temporal; neither any man, nor the children of men; neither Adam, your father, whom I created. Behold, I gave unto him that he should be an agent unto himself; and I gave unto him commandment, but no temporal commandment gave I unto him, for my commandments are spiritual; they are not natural nor temporal, neither carnal nor sensual.” (Doctrine & Covenants 29:34-35)

By settling for lesser alternatives to God’s blessings, we show a weakness and tendency to appease the mortal body instead of God. However, when we are obedient to the commandments of God, we show that we are willing to submit the desires of our bodies to our spirits. We also demonstrate that we are willing to submit our spirits to the will of God.

Adam yielded to temptation when he was not accountable. After he gained knowledge and hearkened to God, then he yielded to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, that member of the Godhead who will be our constant companion and guide if we are wise and choose to receive Him.

When we receive the Holy Spirit in our lives, our actions, and all of our choices, his influence will permeate our hearts. He will then expand our hearts and our capacity to love God. He will sanctify our lives so there is more room for more faith. This faith will give us the courage to endure our trials and hold out for the promised blessings of the Lord without having to settle.

We all have powerful needs. When we cry unto God with all our hearts and look to Him to receive His promised blessings, He will provide for us, and He will deliver us.


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