How Long Shall I Suffer?

Mormon’s admonition to pray for charity with all energy of heart has been on my mind a lot lately. He understood a principle I feel I am just beginning to understand. While there are many good things we can do in life, there is only one way to return to our Father’s presence, and that is through His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. As we live the way He lived, as we choose to do what He did, we become like Him. We become pure.

The gift of charity, or the pure love of Christ, is described as the greatest of all the gifts of God. It is the gift that will lead us to eternal life. While this gift cannot be purchased with money or be received by giving our excess to a charitable organization, the gift comes with a heavy price. The amount is the cost of a single heart offered to the Lord – mine.

The prophet Mormon described this cost to his people. “And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” (Moroni 7:45)

In the scriptures the word, “suffer,” has two meanings that are related but different. One meaning is to endure pain, distress, loss, separation, or even death. King Benjamin described the suffering that Jesus would endure for our sakes in similar terms. “And lo, he shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer, except it be unto death; for behold, blood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his anguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people.” (Mosiah 3:7)

This type of suffering describes all experiences that are difficult and unpleasant. It is usually associated with pain that is either physical, or emotional. Some pain that we feel may only be temporary and fleeting. Pain can also be severe enough that it causes damage and leaves a mark. I find great comfort knowing the atoning sacrifice Jesus made for all mankind will take away our pain and heal our marks. He has made it possible to find hope.

The second meaning of the word, “suffer,” can be found in the New Testament. As a group of people brought their children to be blessed by Jesus, His disciples rebuked them. Jesus’ reply to His disciples was, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:14) The account of this story does not describe the experience of having young children come to Him as difficult or unpleasant. In fact, it was something that Jesus wanted. In this context the word, “suffer,” means to allow or permit.

As I consider these two meanings in relation to the cost of charity, I am left wondering how they relate. Suffering alone does not equate to love. Merely allowing unpleasant things does not guarantee us greater love, either. However, if I take both meanings and I add them to a common purpose, I get a different result. If I am willing to endure difficult trials and allow Father to direct my life because I trust Him, it may not be pleasant, but in the larger picture I can count on Him to make my life better. When I do hard things out of love, my love increases and my capacity to love increases.

Suffering can often teach us lessons we wouldn’t learn any other way. Paul in his letter to the Hebrews describes the prophet Melchizedek who offered “strong crying and tears” with his prayers that God would save him from death. Little more is known about his experience except that he learned “obedience by the things which he suffered.” (Hebrews 5:6-8) Melchizedek was a man of great faith, but that too came with a cost.

At the beginning of His ministry, Jesus went into the wilderness to pray. “And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights and had communed with God, he was afterward an hungered and was left to be tempted of the devil.” (JST Matthew 4:2) I find it interesting that Jesus was doing something good and was rewarded with a trial. That is how it may look from the first appearance, anyway. Instead, consider that Jesus went into the wilderness to submit to the Father. He wasn’t looking for a reward. He was there to worship. Because His vision was clear in spite of His lack of strength, He was true to the Father and chose not to worship the deceiver.

Sometimes, the only way we learn the lessons Father wants us to is through difficult experiences. Joseph Smith taught that Jesus “suffered temptations but gave no heed unto them.” (Doctrine & Covenants 20:22) He lived a perfect life, but He still suffered and learned grace to grace.

King Benjamin also prophesied of the suffering that Jesus would endure. He said that Jesus would subject Himself to the Father, and that He “suffereth temptation, and yieldeth not to the temptation, but suffereth himself to be mocked, and scourged, and cast out, and disowned by his people. … Yea, even so he shall be led, crucified, and slain, the flesh becoming subject even unto death, the will of the Son being swallowed up in the will of the Father. (Mosiah 15:5-8) This passage includes both definitions of the word “suffer.” Jesus suffered, and He allowed Himself to suffer, that He might gain victory over sin and death.

At a time in his life when it appeared that he could suffer no more, Joseph Smith prayed to the Father for himself and for his people, “O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place? How long shall thy hand be stayed…? let thine heart be softened, and thy bowels moved with compassion toward us.” (Doctrine & Covenants 121:1-2, 4)

The Lord’s reply was merciful. “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands. Thou art not yet as Job….” (Doctrine & Covenants 121:7-10) The Lord continues, “If thou art called to pass through tribulation;” and he lists a number of examples of suffering, “if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? Therefore, hold on thy way… for God shall be with you forever and ever. (Doctrine & Covenants 122:5, 7-9)

Poor Joseph. In his darkest moment, he had not yet endured as Job. He had not suffered like the Lord of all. But he did have a reason to hope. God did not abandon Job, but blessed him with increase. The Lord “gave Job twice as much as he had before,” and “blessed the latter end of [his life] more than his beginning.” (Job 42:10, 12) God did not abandon His Only Begotten Son, either. After Jesus knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane, he prayed, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” I love this example because Jesus prayed out of the honesty of His heart. He told Father what he wanted, but then clarified that He would submit to the Father’s will. He suffered. Then, “there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. And being in agony he prayed more earnestly: and he sweat as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” (Luke 22:42-44, JST Luke 22:44)

The Lord told Joseph Smith, “I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I; Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit – and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink – Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men.” (Doctrine & Covenants 19:16-19)

Knowing that someone else knows what you are going through can be a great comfort. Knowing that Jesus has done something for us so that we wouldn’t have to is a tremendous gift! Knowing that even He had a hard time and didn’t want to do it makes His experience that much more personal to me. Believing that God does not lie and He does not change gives me hope that He will help me and save me in my desperation, too. Faith will get me started in the right direction, and hope will provide motivation when things get difficult. But, it is charity, the pure love of God, that will see me through to the end when my trials seem unbearable.

As I compare the many tears I shed in my own suffering with the blood that was shed in my behalf by the Savior, I am tempted to feel small and ashamed that I am so weak and vulnerable. The thing that saves me from greater self-pity and despair is that Jesus does not ask me to do what He did. I don’t have to suffer the way He did. I just need to live the way He wants me to, and that will be enough. I am not as strong as He is, but together we can do anything. I am not perfect like He is, but I am trying. I am not required to be perfect in my weakness. If I want to be like Jesus, I am required to turn to Him in faith when I am having a hard time. As I turn to him, then I can suffer the difficult lessons. I can allow Father to take the time He needs to make me better. I find I can do more and more through practice and prayer, as long as I have hope.

In the midst of that dark moment for Joseph Smith, the Lord gave him some instruction that was also meant to give him hope. And here we come back to the idea that I started with – charity. “Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven. The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.” (Doctrine & Covenants 121:45-46) This strength all starts with charity, which never faileth.

Whether it is charity that helps me in suffering, or that I gain more charity through the right kind of suffering, I don’t know for sure. But if I am willing to endure, and allow difficult lessons to shape who I am because I am seeking charity, at least I know that I am moving in the right direction. Little by little, and grace for grace, my heart becomes purer and I become a little more ready to meet my Savior. Each time that my suffering increases, I turn to Father in prayer. And, like Joseph, Melchizedek, and the Savior, Father will hear and answer our prayers. He will send angels to comfort us and buoy us up. I know Father will bless us with that which we seek if we pray for charity with all the energy of heart.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Maybe I’m Still a Toddler

This morning I sat a little more incognito in a church congregation other than my own. The setting was Washington D.C. The sermon was taught by a toddler. In fact he sat in the pew right in front of me. It’s not that the other speakers weren’t uplifting; I just discovered I could learn a lot from a two-year old.

The beautiful young mother who claimed the boy was doing a marvelous job of keeping his sermon under control. She was patient. Knowing the capability of her boy, it may have been that she didn’t want to take the spotlight away from the other sacrament meeting speakers. In any event, I couldn’t help but notice the dialogue between the two after the boy started with an object lesson. He leaned forward, cocked the trigger, and released his body movement backward where he hit his head on the top edge of the pew.

“Don’t bump your head on the bench,” she whispered calmly, “It will hurt.”

“No,” was his reply.

“Yes,” was hers.

“No.”

“Yes. It will.” Her voice remained loving and patient.

“No.” I could tell that he wasn’t trying to be defiant; it just came natural without any thought. He liked the “power word” he had discovered not long ago.

“See this wood right here?” his mother said, pointing to the back of the bench.

The boy looked at the bench, and having done what she said, replied, “No.” Then he repeated the backward movement again and hit his head on the bench. It is possible that it really didn’t hurt, and that is why he said no. I have a suspicion, however, that he was having more fun refuting his mother than he was trying to hit his head.

Sometimes I hit my head on the bench repeatedly, convinced it wont hurt that much. Even if it doesn’t – even if pain is not the issue – Father has prepared specific lessons for me, and if I miss what He is trying to teach me, I just keep banging my head on the wall. It’s more frustrating when, after the fact, I realize what I have been doing, especially if I have refused to look behind me at the pew.

Next it was time for the sacrament, but the boy didn’t pause his sermon at all. He proceeded to hold up his toy, and said, “Helihopter.” He then made raspberry sounds with his tongue trying to simulate the sound of a propeller on a helicopter. Looking at his mother, he asked, “Sacament?” The mother nodded her head. His retort was swift as though he had been preparing his talk for months. “I’na go home!” Perhaps he was convinced that she didn’t understand, or maybe he understood that good preachers will sometimes repeat an idea for effect as he himself continued to repeat, “I’na go home,” over and over, using every possible intonation variation he could think of. I think he was more interested in experimenting to see how many different ways he could say the same thing than he was in trying to get his point across. Eventually he was distracted by the bread and water being passed, at least temporarily.

The boy figured out a new way to make noise when the mother informed him, “don’t do that or you’ll have to go out.” It was amazing to see the thought process parade across his face in a matter of seconds before he looked at her and said, “I’na go out.” Remember, two-year-olds understand emphasis more than we give them credit when they can slow down the pronunciation of a key word by two to three times. The word, “out,” was said in just such a way, with his slightly-whining-tone dropping as he lengthened the word.

I couldn’t help but chuckle, mostly because I could relate. There are a lot of things I “wanna” do sometimes, but I can’t – at least not at the moment. Sometimes I whine, too. It isn’t hard to think, “I would rather be anyplace than here,” when things aren’t going the way I want them to. If I could take an easier way out of a difficult situation, I just might. Most of the time, it isn’t even offered to me.

Whether it is my home on earth, or my home in heaven, I know what it feels like to want to go home, too. That may be my most important goal, but I can often be distracted by what I want. If I am distracted too much, I may want to give up and get out. Seldom does that really get me where I need to go. It is simply another distraction that seems to offer relief.

Once the boy found a quiet activity book with familiar colors and shapes, he left his sermon for a time. I don’t think this had the same effect on me as an intermediate rest hymn (which gives us rest from what, I don’t know), but it too came to an end, as did his attention for the book. Next came another object lesson.

The boy walked over to his little baby sister and apparently wanted to hit her, so he did. This, like everything else in his lesson, came in a pattern that he repeated over and over. Whap, whap, whap. Again, similar to his other messages, I don’t think he was as concerned about hurting his sister as he was in wanting to hit her. Why is it that we have a natural tendency to hurt those we love most, usually without meaning to? His mother saw what was happening and placed her hand in front of her daughter, offering her hand as an alternative target. The boy caught on to the game quick and diverted his fire and brimstone toward a more eager participant.

In this case, the boy’s intent wasn’t wrong; it just needed to be redirected. He was chastened and he hardly noticed. More and more I try to look at what I am doing and ask, “What effect is this having on those around me? Am I hurting them without meaning to? How can I redirect my intent to avoid causing pain?” I really take no pleasure in hurting others, especially those I love most. In order to avoid doing this, I have to look through their eyes, which is not always an easy thing.

As the boy’s sermon drew to a close, he gave one more glance at his mother, paused until she was looking directly at him, and then he repeated his head-banging-on-bench statement to sum up his topic. Was he right? Maybe. Was his mother right? Yes. Did the two see eye to eye by the end of the sermon? No, I don’t think so. That may take a few years, or fifty.

The boy obviously hasn’t been introduced to the concept of a dénouement, or he would have recognized that he had the perfect conclusion to his message. Instead, he sat there smiling for a moment (as if to say, “wait for it…”), then suddenly he ruptured into tears. Kablowey! Instant meltdown. The fact of the matter was that HE WAS HUNGRY, and he just barely noticed. Sadly for him, he didn’t have anything to eat. After the closing prayer, the sobbing boy exited the chapel holding his mother’s hand, still missing the lesson. Or did he?

If I find that I have a greater understanding than a toddler and still exhibit the same behavior, can I rightly say that he understands any less than I do. Sometimes I cry when I don’t get what I want. I make up reasons of why my needs are greater than a toddler. And then, when I look through his eyes, I start to understand that we are not that different.

Each time the boy delivered part of his message, I could see that his intent could be taken wrong. He did one thing, but it usually didn’t match his intent. The truth of the matter is that he was just trying to do his best, staying where he should be, right where his mother and his Father wanted him to be. That was part of the lesson intended for him.

When life gets hard, I remember that my Savior has no intention of hurting me. In fact, in His case, he paid a price that I could not pay at all, just so I wouldn’t have to. He offers His hand to me, regardless of whether I take it or divert my fire and brimstone towards Him. I hope I never do that again. His hand gives me great comfort. His intent is to save me. Fortunately for me, He communicated that clearly without confusion when He offered not only His hand, but His life. I am so grateful for the lessons He has taught me. I am grateful for His gift.

Too many times, the lessons I was meant to learn are so obvious. They have been right in front of my nose the entire time. Sometimes, they are seated on a pew rather than a pulpit.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Oh Brother

If you don’t know him, I’d like you to meet my older brother, Burke. Let me introduce you to a champion basketball player who speaks Japanese, has a background in CAD design, loves to travel, specializes in IT support, and manages an electronic vault for his national company. He likes digital scrapbooking and web page design, loves adventure, and above all, he’s a family man. Burke is very well-rounded and fun loving. Not only is he someone I have looked up to all my life, he is confident, friendly, charismatic, energetic, and very dependable. My only fault with him is that he got the lion’s share of good looks between the two of us. Well, I got over that, and I still love him. Grin. Recently his example has given me even more to admire.

Burke has spent the last several months learning to deal with cancer. It has been challenging for me to watch, and much more challenging for him to face. His first set of treatments was unsuccessful, and we are now waiting to hear the results of the second attempt. Typical of my brother, he has been very positive and calm. He has a lot of faith. He has also experienced a lot of discomfort without complaint. Family members have rallied around him, but there are some challenges where you feel helpless to do anything. This has been one of them. I have felt like I couldn’t do more than listen and pray.

My present anxiety for my brother has caused me to think about one of my personal heroes, Mahonri Moriancumer. He is an example of great faith that has taught me a lot about prayer. Fortunately he was a writer, and it was important for him to keep a record of his life. Were it not for this brief account of his experiences, we may never have known about this man. It was said of him that his words were so great that they were overpowering for man to read them. (Ether 12:24) One thing that is significant in his record is his relationship with his brother.

It is not the relationship of the two brothers that intrigues me as much as the example of their faith, prayers, and how those prayers were answered. I believe in this there is a significant lesson to be learned if we desire to return to God.

For reasons that remain unknown, we would only know Mahonri as “the brother of Jared” were in not for a modern source. While Jared is named in the record, and his brother is not, we know even less about Jared. Both lived a few thousand years ago in the Western Hemisphere. Before coming to this continent, however, they were contemporaries of Nimrod in the Old Testament and lived in Babel which later became Babylon. These two brothers left Babel with their friends and family and became a large nation of people.

At the time that God confounded the languages when the sons of men built the tower of Babel, Jared was worried for their families and friends, that they would be confounded too. The account does not say how Jared knew this, or why he was worried. It does not clearly say why God was disappointed in His children. What it does say is that the Lord “swore in his wrath that [the people] should be scattered upon all the face of the earth; and according to the word of the Lord the people were scattered.” (Ether 1:33) Somehow Jared had warning of this, yet it is his response that was significant.

Jared believed in God enough that he knew where to turn for help in his troubles – he understood the power of prayer. What is curious about the account is who he preferred to do the praying. It was his brother. Again, his reasons are not known, but we do know that the brother of Jared was “a man highly favored of the Lord,” so Jared asked him to appeal to the Lord for help. It was as if he said, “Oh brother, can you help me?” Jared said, “Cry unto the Lord, that he will not confound us that we may not understand our words.” (Ether 1:34) His brother did so and the Lord answered his prayer. Similarly, he prayed for their friends and their families, and they were not confounded.

Having had successfully received the desired answers to prayer, Jared again asked his brother to pray, saying, “Go and inquire of the Lord whether he will drive us out of the land, and if he will drive us out of the land, cry unto him whither we shall go. And who knoweth but the Lord will carry us forth into a land which is choice above all the earth: And if it so be, let us be faithful unto the Lord, that we may receive it for our inheritance.” (Ether 1:38) Jared’s request suggests that there was some concern that they would have to leave. It also suggests that he had enough faith in God to believe that he would provide a way. What that way was, he could only hope. However, Jared did have the desire to be faithful and he was again rewarded.

When the brother of Jared prayed again, the Lord told him to gather their possessions and make preparations to leave and He would lead them to a land that was choice above all other lands of the earth where they would become a great nation. The part of the Lord’s response that intrigues me the most is a simple sentence that explains why he would do such a thing. He said, “And thus I will do unto thee because this long time ye have cried unto me.” (Ether 1:43)

The Lord led this group of family and friends through a part of the wilderness where man had not yet been before. He spoke to the brother of Jared in a cloud, and gave directions where they should travel. These directions led them to a great sea where they pitched their tents for four years. At the end of those four years, the Lord again spoke to the brother of Jared in a cloud for three hours. It is unique that, during that conversation, the Lord chastened the brother of Jared for not remembering to call upon the Lord in prayer.

I have often wondered at this passage because it appears to be a strange contradiction. Here is a man who knows how to pray and is highly favored of the Lord. Not only did he pray and successfully receive answers to his prayers, but the Lord continually spoke to him to direct him. So what happened? Was the brother of Jared the type of person who would suddenly forget what the Lord had done? Perhaps, but I am not certain.

Four years seems a long time to camp on the beach. I wonder if this group of family and friends felt they had arrived at the promised land or if they were waiting for additional instructions, whenever it happened to be that they came. The record does not say. If, however, they were not convinced that they had arrived, then the sea would have seemed an interesting obstacle for them, one larger than they had faced to that point. At least it was enough to stop them for four years. Whether they were satisfied with a partial blessing as an answer to their prayers, or they saw the sea as an obstacle to their goal, I can find a personal application.

I know in my own life that I have had a pattern of prayer that has been consistent since I was little. I have prayed morning and night and often throughout the day. Yet there have been times that I have forgotten to pray with real intent. I haven’t forgotten Father. I have just forgotten to make a concerted effort to show him that I was serious. If my needs seem to be taken care of, it is easy to ease up in my intensity. Living on a beach may not be such a bad thing, unless it keeps you from praying for help to get to a better land or place.

There have also been other times that I have had obstacles placed in my way. For a long time I may consider the obstacle or trial, wondering how I am going to overcome it. Like the sea, it may seem impossible to cross or go around. Then, after some time, I decide to pray and ask for help. As often as I have prayed, the Lord has directed me. He hears and answers prayers. Repeatedly in the scriptures, he reassures us, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” (Matthew 6:7-8) For whichever reason the brother of Jared did not remember to call upon God, when he repented and cried unto the Lord, the Lord again heard and answered his prayers.

There are some interesting lessons we can learn at this point from Jared and his brother. Both provide valuable insight on our own requests to the Lord. As we follow their example, we may increase the likelihood of receiving similar answers.

Jared was conscientious of the Lord’s warnings and took them seriously. He knew that God could help with his troubles, and he believed in prayer. Jared had the desire for his family and friends to be faithful so that the Lord could bless them. He believed that the Lord would provide a way for their deliverance.

The brother of Jared was highly favored of the Lord. The Lord answered his prayers because he cried unto the Lord for a long time. Perhaps the importance was not the duration of a single prayer, but the duration of a heart-felt habit. Because of his faith, the Lord spoke to the brother of Jared and gave him directions that led him where man had not been before. This in and of itself is an act of faith.

After their stay at the beach, the Lord told the brother of Jared that he would take them across the ocean to another land, and that they would need to build barges to travel in. The barges were to be water-tight and could not have windows. They were to have an opening in the top and in the bottom for functional reasons such as letting in fresh air.

After the brother of Jared had completed making the barges, he prayed to the Lord and said, “O Lord, I have performed the work which thou hast commanded me, and I have made the barges according as thou hast directed me.” (Ether 2:18) Simply put, he was diligent in making sure that he had done everything the Lord had asked of him before asking for another blessing. Since blessings are predicated upon obedience, the brother of Jared wanted to do everything possible to increase the likelihood that the Lord would help him. But then he discovered a problem.

The barges built to the specifications the Lord had given to the brother of Jared did not allow for any light when the openings were sealed. This would have made for a long journey in the dark. When the brother of Jared asked the Lord what to do, His response was, “what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?” (Ether 2:25) The Lord expected him to be part of the solution.

To that point, the brother of Jared was used to receiving unique answers to prayer. While languages of other people had been confounded, his group’s had not. When they traveled through the wilderness where no one had been before, the Lord was their guide. As the brother of Jared pondered what he wanted the Lord to do for him, he again came up with a possibility that was unique. He fashioned sixteen stones out of molten rock that were transparent and white. And then he prayed.

“O Lord, thou hast said that we must be encompassed about by the floods. Now behold, O Lord, and do not be angry with thy servant because of his weakness before thee; for we know that thou art holy and dwellest in the heavens, and that we are unworthy before thee; because of the fall our natures have become evil continually; nevertheless, O Lord, thou hast given us a commandment that we must call upon thee, that from thee we may receive according to our desires.

“Behold, O Lord, thou hast smitten us because of our iniquity, and hast driven us forth, and for these many years we have been in the wilderness; nevertheless, thou hast been merciful unto us. O Lord, look upon me in pity, and turn away thine anger from this thy people, and suffer not that they shall go forth across this raging deep in darkness; but behold these things which I have molten out of the rock.

“And I know, O Lord, that thou hast all power, and can do whatsoever thou wilt for the benefit of man; therefore touch these stones, O Lord, with thy finger, and prepare them that they may shine forth in darkness; and they shall shine forth unto us in the vessels which we have prepared, that we may have light while we shall cross the sea.

“Behold, O Lord, thou canst do this. We know that thou art able to show forth great power, which looks small unto the understanding of men.” (Ether 3:2-5)

Following that moment of prayer, something wonderful occurred. The Lord stretched forth his hand from the cloud and touched the stones with his finger, and the veil was taken from off the eyes of the brother of Jared. As unique of an occurrence as it would have been to have seen the finger of God, the part I feel is most unique is the fact that the veil was removed from his eyes. It was the veil of unbelief that withholds our memory of premortal things; the veil that separates us from God. Similar to the veil of the Israelite tabernacle or temple, it is light enough that it can be lifted when the time is right. It may be lifted when our faith is sufficient.

After seeing this sight, the brother of Jared fell to the ground out of fear because he did not expect to see the finger of the Lord. When the Lord asked if he saw more, he replied that he did not and then asked the Lord to show Himself to him. Just as the brother of Jared described that God’s commandment for us to pray for our desires, the Lord granted the brother of Jared his desire and showed Himself unto him, and said, “Because thou knowest these things ye are redeemed from the fall; therefore ye are brought back into my presence; therefore I show myself unto you. Behold, I am he who was prepared from the foundation of the world to redeem my people. Behold, I am Jesus Christ.” (Ether 3:13-14) The brother of Jared saw the Lord in spirit as he would appear when born on the earth over two thousand years later. The Lord then showed him all the inhabitants of the earth from the beginning to the end, and withheld them not from his sight. (Ether 3:25)

Again, to me it is less important what the brother of Jared saw, and more important that he did see because he could not be kept from within the veil any longer. Regarding these things, the prophet Moroni invites us to follow the same pattern of prayer. He invites us to cast off our doubt and fear and have faith like unto the brother of Jared.

“Come unto me, O ye Gentiles, and I will show unto you the greater things, the knowledge which is hid up because of unbelief. Come unto me, O ye house of Israel, and it shall be made manifest unto you how great things the Father hath laid up for you, from the foundation of the world; and it hath not come unto you, because of unbelief.” (Ether 4:13-14) His invitation is not to the prophets, but to Israel and the Gentiles alike. It is to all, which implies that it is within the reach of all to do. It is also not a matter of if, but of when.

Moroni continues, “Behold, when ye shall rend that veil of unbelief which doth cause you to remain in your awful state of wickedness, and hardness of heart, and blindness of mind, then shall the great and marvelous things which have been hid up from the foundation of the world from you—yea, when ye shall call upon the Father in my name, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, then shall ye know that the Father hath remembered the covenant which he made unto your fathers, O house of Israel.” (Ether 4:15)

There is a certain amount of irony in the fact that the people of Babel were trying to reach God. It was their approach that failed. The brother of Jared not only reached the Lord, but he invited the Lord to reach toward him and touch the stones he had made. It was not the sky that separated the tower of Babel from the Lord, it was the veil of unbelief. It was something more intangible and less visible than even a veil.

So as I pray for my own brother, and consider the example of the brother of Jared, I wonder, “What is it I lack yet? What does it mean to have faith as the brother of Jared? What would it take for my requests for my brother to be heard and answered?” This is worth pondering. In part, it may be more than believing that God can answer our prayers and grant according to our desires. It may be more than believing that he can do all things. What would I need to change in my life if having more faith also meant making sure that what I ask for is aligned with what God wants? Here is a simple clue of how to find such faith.

When Jesus visited the people on the American continent after His resurrection, he prayed, and they prayed with Him. In the Book of Mormon we read, “And it came to pass that when Jesus had thus prayed unto the Father, he came unto his disciples, and behold, they did still continue, without ceasing, to pray unto him; and they did not multiply many words, for it was given unto them what they should pray, and they were filled with desire.” (3 Nephi 19:24) When we turn our hearts to the Lord, we turn our desires so they are properly aligned. When we are filled with His desire, then the Holy Spirit can teach us what to pray for and what not to pray for. Trusting in the Holy Spirit takes a lot of faith. Learning when to pray for our desires and when to yield takes a lot of restraint. It is an exercise in faith, trusting that God will deliver us. When we choose to follow the Lord, and we choose to follow His Spirit, the answer may not be what we want, but it will always be better.

Look again at the story of the brother of Jared. From the Lord’s perspective, He said He would scatter all the people on the face of the earth. He didn’t change His mind with Jared or his brother. The family and friends of the two brothers were still scattered, but they weren’t confounded. Something that seemed like a terrible thing, turned out not to be so bad because the Lord was with them. He spoke to them, He directed them, and He answered their prayers. He didn’t set them on a cruise liner for a vacation voyage across the sea for 344 days. Instead he put them in a place that was doable, though not exactly comfortable or desirable.

As they traversed the ocean, we learn that “when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.” (Ether 6:7) This was by design so that they would turn their hearts to God. The brother of Jared had not remembered to call upon the Lord at one point. The Lord provided an experience that would help ensure that that mistake was not repeated a second time.

My prayers for my own brother have not ceased. Perhaps I need to cry unto the Lord for 344 days. Perhaps it is the habit of heart-felt prayer that is more important.

For me, the story of the brother of Jared is less about an obstacle of water, and more about a veil of unbelief. It has less to do with merely praying for what we want, and learning how to pray in a way that will help us to rend the veil. Whether it is your own trial, or that of your brother’s, these experiences are designed to help us lift the veil and behold the Lord.

It is a great comfort when you can turn to someone like a brother and ask them to pray for you. Praying is especially comforting when you know the key to successful prayer.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Loaves, Fishes, and Hope

Every few days or so, I hear of another friend who has just lost a job or experienced a pay reduction due to our current economic recession. Times are hard. Sympathies are high, and I have seen an increased effort to help friends who are going without. While these efforts relieve some of the pressure that is borne by the shoulders of many, it may not be enough to see us through our trials.

When, suddenly, you have to rethink your financial situation because of conditions that are outside your control, it is not uncommon to think, “How can I manage with less?” If I have a place setting at the dinner table for a family of seven, and find that one of the plates has been broken, I have to consider getting another plate or finding a way to take turns. If I own two pair of pants and one is damaged so that it is not suitable for wearing, I have to find a way to repair it or do without. If I choose the latter, I may consider what else the material from the pants may be good for.

When my wife, Liz, and I were first married, she received a book from a friend titled, Something from Nothing. The story is based on a Jewish folktale where a young boy, Joseph, is the recipient of a blanket from his grandfather. After considerable use, the blanket becomes tattered and is about to be discarded. Not wanting to give up the blanket, Joseph takes it to his grandfather who is the village tailor. His grandfather salvages the material from the blanket and makes Joseph a coat. After further use and wear, the coat is salvaged to make a vest and finally a button.

Each time the gift from Joseph’s grandfather is modified, it was given new life. It was also reduced in size. Occasionally when we have to follow this pattern of salvaging in our own lives, our hopes may shrink proportionately. However, this need not be the case. It all depends on where we place our hope.

The Savior provided an alternate route of travel for overcoming what may seem impossible circumstances. His road is the road of faith. In Matthew 14:14-21 we have an account of a time when a multitude of people followed Jesus to be with them. He had compassion on them and healed their sick. When it was evening, His disciples were about to send the multitude away because they had no food. Rather than send them away, Jesus said unto his disciples, “They need not depart; give ye them to eat.”

Those who were faithful followers in Jesus did not yet see the alternate route. “We have here but five loaves, and two fishes,” they said. He merely replied, “Bring them hither to me.” After the multitude sat down, Jesus looked up to heaven, he blessed the food, brake, and gave the pieces to his disciples to distribute among 5,000 men, beside women and children. When all were fed and filled, there were twelve baskets full of the food that remained.

While I feel I have a certain amount of faith in God, I continue to marvel at the beauty of this miracle. I continue to wonder how I can apply this passage of scripture in my own life. Here are a few interesting points to ponder. First, the multitude was seeking Jesus. I don’t know that I can expect even the smallest miracle in my own life if I am not in the attitude of seeking the Lord. Second, His disciples brought what they had and turned it over to Jesus. They weren’t empty handed. Sometimes I ask for help without making an effort to contribute anything. The disciples brought everything they had. That should tell us something. Third, when Jesus performed the miracle, He looked up to heaven. It is critical that I look to Father, not only to ask for a desired blessing, but in an attitude ready to do His will, whatever it may be. Jesus did not have selfish reasons for performing the miracle. He was not only concerned with feeding the people. He was concerned about their faith and He wanted them to clearly understand that with God anything is possible. Or in other words, there is a better way to that which we have known in the past.

Pondering this passage of scripture, and comparing it with the Jewish folktale, I am left to wonder, “Rather than just manage, how can I make more with less? How can I take what little I have and create rather than just salvage? Is it possible to have a better lifestyle than I had previously, even though my means have been reduced?” The key is to put our trust in the master creator rather than listen to the destroyer of our souls. Jesus is the light and life of the world who has provided us a pattern to do the Father’s will. As Moroni said in Ether 12:11, “But in the gift of his Son hath God prepared a more excellent way; and it is by faith that it hath been fulfilled.”

We live in a time of trouble, darkness, and anguish. But if we turn to the Savior with full purpose of heart, he can replenish our diminished hopes. Nephi quoted the prophet Isaiah who said, “The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light; they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined. Thou hast multiplied the nation, and increased the joy—they joy before thee according to the joy in harvest, and as men rejoice when they divide the spoil.” (2 Nephi 19:2-3) The Creator of all has the power to increase our meager offerings. He has the ability to increase our joy.

In a prophecy regarding the Book of Mormon, Isaiah also said, “But behold, saith the Lord of Hosts: I will show unto the children of men that it is yet a very little while and Lebanon shall be turned into a fruitful field; and the fruitful field shall be esteemed as a forest. And in that day shall the deaf hear the words of the book, and the eyes of the blind shall see out of obscurity and out of darkness. And the meek also shall increase, and their joy shall be in the Lord, and the poor among men shall rejoice in the Holy One of Israel.” (2 Nephi 27:28-30) When we turn to the Lord in meekness, he will increase our blessings. He can change barren to a fruitful field that will eventually become a forest.

One more example from the scriptures where the Lord increased and magnified the efforts of His servants is the brother of Jared. After constructing barges to travel across the ocean as he was directed, Mahonri is asked by the Lord what he would do for light during their journey. After some thought and effort, Mahonri decides to molten out of rock sixteen small stones that are white and clear, even as transparent glass. He then takes the stones upon Mount Shelem and prays to the Lord that He will touch the stones that they may shine forth in darkness. The Lord agrees and touches the stones and “the veil was taken from off the eyes of the brother of Jared.” (Ether 3:1-6)

There are times when I feel I am asked to do something very difficult, or even impossible. I look, but I can’t see a way out. My only hope has been that, when I prayed about the matter, I had a calm feeling come over me that everything would be fine. In retrospect, I realize that I could not see the obvious answer because the veil had not been taken from my eyes. Father’s purposes in my trial were not yet realized, and my faith was not yet as was the brother of Jared’s.

Looking at the alternate route that Jesus showed unto Mahonri Moriancumer, I am again left to ponder, “How can I apply this passage of scripture in my own life? How can I get the Lord to touch my stones and make them shine with the light of Christ in my life? The answer is clear, but not so easy. I need faith like unto the brother of Jared. And yet I need not be discouraged because a veil is still placed over my eyes – because my faith is still wanting. Father rewards faith in whatever quantity it comes in, even the size of a mustard seed. Jesus told His disciples, “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed… nothing shall be impossible unto you.” (Matthew 17:20)

A part of this story that I find especially interesting is the manner in which Mahonri’s prayer is answered. After he sees the Lord’s finger, and after Jesus shows himself unto the brother of Jared, Jesus proceeds to show him all things from the beginning of the world to the end. Even to this point, he received a lot more than he asked for. Jesus then gives the brother of Jared something else he didn’t ask for.

When the brother of Jared went to Mount Shelem, he took with him sixteen stones. The beautiful part about this story is that this is not the number he returned with. Jesus gave him two additional stones, or interpreters, that were to be sealed up with his record. These two stones, a Urim and Thummim, were to bring to light hidden things out of darkness. It is as if the Lord were to say, “You want light? Let me give you light.” And the brother of Jared returned with, not sixteen, but eighteen stones. When we trust in the Lord and put our faith fully in Him, he not only answers our prayers, he gives us more than we ask for. The Lord always sweetens the deal.

Thinking about our current situation, I believe there is still wisdom to be found, and practiced, in the old pioneer adage, “Use it up, wear it out. Make do, or do without.” Perhaps it is when we are looking for ways to manage with less that the Lord can take the veil from our eyes enough for us to see how we can increase the meager offering in our own baskets. As our faith increases, we may find the veil slipping freely from our minds.

There is strength to be discovered as we do difficult things and turn to the Lord with our faith. This is what is required of us when the Lord asks us to do all that we can do, so that His grace may be sufficient for us.

The most reassuring thing to me about difficult times is my knowledge and understanding that Father truly hears and answers prayers. He has provided a more excellent way, and that way is through His Only Begotten Son. As we look to the Son and follow Him, we will begin to see an alternate route to the familiar road we have traveled so frequently. This way is the Lord’s way. It is a way of hope and increased happiness. It is a road filled with light that will lead us out of darkness and doubt. It is the only route home, and it provides hope for anyone who seeks it.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Adultery and Idolatry, or, “With All Your Heart”

I have long been intrigued by two of the greatest kings in all of Israel. David and his son, Solomon, were men of great character and ability. More than that, they were chosen of the Lord. In 1 Samuel 13:14 we learn that David was a man after the Lord’s own heart. Solomon was given wisdom unlike any other before or after him. (1 Kings 3:12) But for all their admirable qualities, both monarchs had lives that were punctuated with tragedy and disappointment, because of where they placed their hearts.

Just before the Lord gave Moses the commandments and the law on Sinai, he told Moses the blessing he was about to give Israel. In Exodus 19:5-6 we read, “Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people: for all the earth is mine: And ye shall be unto me a kingdom of priests, and an holy nation. These are the words which thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel.” The Lord’s blessings are certain when we are obedient. This understanding has caused me to wonder what seeds David and Solomon chose to place in their hearts that spoiled their gardens with weeds.

After the fall of King David with Bathsheba and Uriah, the prophet, Nathan, queried David and asked, “Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the Lord, to do evil in his sight?” (2 Samuel 12:9) At some point before his sin, David’s heart turned from the Lord. It was this choice that led to his great sin of adultery, which was followed by murder and deceit.

Solomon followed a similar path to his father and allowed his wives to turn his heart. In JST 1 Kings 11:4, 6 we read, “For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the Lord his God, and it became as the heart of David his father.... And Solomon did evil in the sight of the Lord as David his father, and went not fully after the Lord.” Solomon then promoted idolatry by building up high places for the worship of the gods of his wives.

While we may not intend a deliberate attack on God, our failure to remember Him demonstrates a serious misplacement of our devotion. The prophet Nephi taught, “For the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at naught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men trample under their feet; I say trample under their feet but I would speak in other words–they set him at naught, and hearken not to the voice of his counsels.” (1 Nephi 19:7)

It is sad to note that David’s adultery, followed by Solomon’s idolatry, led to the division of the kingdom that David worked so hard to successfully unite. He and his son frustrated their life-long efforts because of what they allowed into their hearts. While this pattern may not be the same for all who misplace their devotions, it is a tragic ensign that waves before us.

What a special and sacred place is the heart. It is the container of hopes and dreams. It is the house of our faith. It is where we keep that which is most dear to us. Most importantly, the heart is the receiver in our communication with God – it is where we feel the promptings of the Holy Ghost. But this can only happen by choice, when we treasure the word of the Lord. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (3 Nephi 13:21) It should be no great surprise that one thing we often treasure most is love.

While we are commanded by the Lord to love everyone, there are only two people that I am aware of whom we are commanded to love with all our hearts. On one occasion a scribe asked Jesus which was the first of all the commandments. Jesus answered him saying, “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.” (Mark 12:30) Similarly, the Lord revealed to Joseph Smith in the Doctrine & Covenants the importance of loving our spouse to whom we are married. He said, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.” (D&C 42:22)

To love with all your heart implies that you are willing to offer everything you have, including the treasure that you may keep in your heart. When I treasure God and my wife above all else, it isn’t hard to offer that relationship back. If I treasure other things and am willing to offer them, too, then I show that nothing takes preeminence over the two primary relationships in my life. However, if I treasure something else so much that I am not prepared to give them up willingly, I should probably question whether I truly love with all my heart.

For much of my life, I believed that I loved God with all my heart because I could say I had kept the commandments. I don’t worship idols. I haven’t murdered or committed adultery. It wasn’t until I looked at the instruction from the Savior in the Sermon on the Mount a little closer that I gained a greater understanding of what it meant to be truly obedient. In Matthew 5:27 we read, “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Jesus was speaking, not to the letter of the law, but to the intent of the law. It is in the intent where the seeds of sin begin to sprout.

Returning to the earlier question, “What seeds did David and Solomon chose to place in their hearts that spoiled their gardens with weeds?” I believe the answer lies in the inception of personal desire where intent is born. The issue has everything to do with fidelity with their two primary relationships. The word fidelity represents loyalty, faithfulness, and devotion. Fidelity is not just the abstinence of sin, it is the commitment that we make when we love with all our hearts. When we allow anything to interfere with that commitment, or our covenants, our fidelity is weakened, as is our faith.

With this understanding, the commandments given to Moses have increased depth and meaning for those who are truly faithful. If Jesus was trying to focus on the intent of our hearts when He taught the Sermon on the Mount, I would propose that we begin to practice idolatry in our hearts when we let anything affect our fidelity with God. Similarly, we begin to practice adultery in our hearts when we let anything or anyone affect our fidelity to our spouse. Thus adultery and idolatry have less to do with specific acts and everything to do with our covenants with the two primary relationships given by commandment.

So why are these seeds so important to stop at their inception? Continuing in Doctrine & Covenants 42:23 we read, “And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents not he shall be cast out.” Not only do we deny our faith in God, because we have set him at naught and have ignored his counsel, we are no longer faithful in either of our covenants. This offends the Holy Spirit and causes it to withdraw. Our situation becomes even more precarious because of the powerful emotions that are involved when we love. These emotions evoke feelings that are so strong, they can mask, block, and even eclipse the promptings of the Holy Ghost. If we replace those promptings that can warn us of danger with feelings of emotion that have no restraint, we may find ourselves on a path without the ability to recognize that we are in danger. We put at risk, not only our covenants, but our ability to receive divine help, peace, and happiness. We also risk losing life-long investments in relationships that were meant and intended by the Lord to last forever. Ere we are aware, like David and Solomon, we misplace our devotions and find ourselves lost.

Recently a friend of mine told me of a couple that had fallen out of love. Their story could likely be retold by many who have been deceived into thinking that there is more to life than what they currently have. I am not certain that two people can fall out of love because their relationship slowly evaporates. I believe it likely, in most cases, that their desires go unchecked and shift to another focus. They allow them to be redirected or given to someone else.

Sometimes it is only a matter of priority. If we let something else, such as career ambitions, interfere with our faithfulness to our covenants and our fidelity to our two primary relationships, we risk losing the spirit. If a job eats up too much of our time so that we don’t spend a sufficient amount with a spouse, that relationship can become weaker. Once weakened, we may find that our desires for love also transfer to another focus. If that job becomes so important that we find it hard to keep the Sabbath Day holy, our relationship with Father becomes weaker. Once weakened, we may find that our desires turn to wealth, entertainment, or even selfishness. We become, as the apostle Paul described in 2 Timothy 3:2-5, “lovers of [our] own selves,” and “lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof.” Thus selfishness becomes a strange form of idolatry.

Because we live in perilous times in the last days where the behavior described by Paul is so prevalent and common, it may be even harder for us to perceive that something is wrong. It becomes easier to fall prey to the temptations of the adversary to break the covenants with our two primary relationships. Conditions around us make it easier for even the very elect to be deceived. (Matthew 24:24)

If we wish not to be deceived, the answer is simple. Keep the commandments and take the Holy Spirit for your guide. Keep your desires in check and maintain absolute fidelity in your relationships with God and your spouse. We find the strength to keep these covenants when we combine for a common purpose. When we pray, we can ask Father for help to strengthen our marriage. As we plan out our lives with our spouses, we can ask for and give support to each other in keeping these commandments. I have found immense happiness and contentment as I have done these two things. My love for my God and my wife have only grown stronger and stronger. I know this has been the source of my happiness. How grateful I have been for the counsel to place my devotions appropriately and truly love with all my heart.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Learning to Be a Steward

Yesterday was a definite milestone for me. It was so exhilarating to finish my first marathon, especially since this goal has been on my list of things to do for a few years. I would not have made it without the support of my family and encouragement from my friends. Like other things that have happened this year, this accomplishment was certainly unlooked for.

If you had told me back in April that I would be running a marathon this year, I wouldn’t have believed it. In a previous blog post, Master the Tempest is Raging, I referred to some physical limitations I had had for several months which I thought would make it impossible to run at all this year. It was back in April that I recounted the whole experience to some friends over dinner. That weekend things changed and I learned an incredible lesson on stewardship. Here is the story.

About a year and a half ago, I was reading Doctrine & Covenants 78:17-21, and had some strong impressions. The scripture reads, "ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you... he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.... And he that is a faithful and wise steward shall inherit all things."

My understanding of stewardships changed. Before that, I truly believed that nothing I have is mine. It's all the Lord's. He has just allowed me to take care of it. When I do, like the parable of the talents, He increases my stewardship. But after reading this passage of scripture, I had a new understanding. The Lord says, "receiveth all things with thankfulness." If God gives us both trials and blessings, then we need to receive our trials with thankfulness as well. That thought had never occurred to me before, and I can say that it is still not an easy thing to do.

I look back at all the times I have prayed that a trial might end or be taken away, as if to say, “Okay, I’m done. I’ve learned my lesson. Can this be over now?” Suddenly I felt like I could no longer ask such a question if I wanted to be a steward for Father. Instead I have to ask, "What would Thou have me do with this trial? What would Thou have me learn from this?" It completely changed my outlook.

Looking back, I don’t believe it was a coincidence that I developed some discomfort in my lower back shortly afterward. I was being tested on what I had just been taught. From that point my condition seemed to get worse and I was uncertain about what I should do. There were many times I wanted to pray for help to fix the problem, but the spirit wouldn’t let me. I would pray to Father and would be ready to ask for help, but the feeling would come, “Be patient.” That wasn’t easy for me to do, but I did my best.

About a week before my family and I were involved in performing in the production “Savior of the World,” circumstances changed. As I mentioned, Liz and I were having dinner with some close friends where I described the condition with my back. I had tried a variety of things to improve my health, but nothing worked to make me whole. My friend suggested that a lot of runners are able to run through the back pain and work it out. I had tried that previously and found that each time I tried my condition got worse rather than better. I was unsure about what to do next.

Two nights later, I went to a kick-off fireside for a Pioneer Trek that we were planning for the youth in our stake. We watched a video of the previous trek and I was sad that I might not be able to go. I wanted so much to be with the youth for the experience, especially since a couple of my sons would be old enough to go. At the same time, I was also worried that I might undo what little progress I had made so far.

That night, I returned home and knelt in prayer. As I did, I expressed to Father my desires to participate in the activity and how much it meant to me to be with the youth in our stake. For the first time during the whole of this experience, I felt it was okay to ask Father for help with my problem, and He answered my prayer.

The following day I decided to go for a short walk in a nearby Canyon. I didn't want to do too much, but I thought a short distance wouldn't hurt. I felt like I needed to do something to show my faith. As I walked, I stopped for a brief moment and offered a small prayer. "Father, I would really like to go further." An impression followed in my heart and mind, and the best way I can put words to it was, "Why not?" So I kept going. I didn't feel uncomfortable like I had on previous occasions. After a while I said another little prayer in my heart, "I would really like to run." Again the answer was, "Why not?" So I started to run. I only ran a short distance before I was out of breath, but I walked a total of about four miles that evening. I was ecstatic. When I got home, I felt fine. I waited to see how I felt the following day, and found that I had no residual discomfort. Instead I felt better than I had in months. My body felt different.

I don't know how else to explain the feeling, but I could tell my back was healing. It was as though Father had done everything that I could not do, and then He expected me to do the rest. Since that time things have continued to get better at an amazing pace.

The friends we had dinner with inspired me to begin running and take up cycling again. I admired their strength and stamina. I believe the inspiration of my friends was also an answer to my prayers that helped bring resolution to a year-long ordeal. With the change in my health, their examples were just what I needed. The combination of running and cycling seemed to balance each other and increased my core strength. This in turn allowed my back to heal. I was able to work through the discomfort and make some significant progress.

In a short period of time my physical lifestyle changed. I was running farther and faster. I increased the distance and pace of my bike rides. My training was so successful and accelerated so quickly that I believed I could participate in the pioneer trek after all. I went with my wife and two of our sons. Together we walked 25 miles while pushing handcarts. It was a marvelous experience and my heart was full of gratitude. Not only had my back been healed, but I felt that I was in excellent shape for the journey.

With these positive results, my dormant ambition to run a marathon didn’t feel so unattainable. I considered training so I could make an attempt next year. However, the pace of my training accelerated to the point that I thought, “Maybe I can actually do it now.” With a month remaining before the Top of Utah Marathon, I made it a matter of prayer and felt really good. I decided to register and pushed until I felt confident in my ability.

I may not be a fast runner, but I certainly beat my expectations – not only for the race, but where I thought I would be earlier this year. What an amazing feeling it was to have family and friends cheering me on at the end of the marathon, and the end of this experience. Once again, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the love that I felt in my heart.

Looking back, I am so grateful for the trial. It really was a blessing that I did not recognize. I learned so much about being submissive and patient. I learned to look to Father for strength, and to be content with whatever He feels is best for me. I have learned that amazing things can happen when we put our faith in Him. Father has taught me how to trust and rely upon Him. I have found that I have come closer to the Lord than ever before. What a blessing I would have missed out on if I had not chosen to be a steward.

As we performed in “Savior of the World,” there are a couple parts where we are told that the Lord will bless us and keep his promises, “in His due time.” After this experience, those words rang in my ears. In my case, it was less important when I got better and more important that I learn the lesson Father prepared for me.

I have also discovered that many of the blessings we receive are really trials; Father tests us to see what we will do when he gives us great gifts. Similarly, many of the trials we are given are actually blessings. Though they lack the appearance, they can do so much for our progress. The biggest determinant in whether an experience is a trial or a blessing depends more upon our hearts and their orientation.

I wouldn’t have guessed it a year ago, but I now see this experience as more of a lesson than anything else. I have been grateful for the instruction. I am also very much looking forward to my next run.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Angels Landing

I’m afraid of heights. I don’t know why but looking down from very high places has always troubled me. On one particular excursion to the state capitol, my Dad had to carry me up the front steps because I was certain I would fall to my death otherwise. Perhaps it had something to do with being pushed head first off of a stage when I was little. All the same, I have just learned to admit my fear.

A year ago I was invited to go with some young college students to Zion National Park in Utah. It was autumn and the intense summer heat was no longer present. I accepted the invitation, not knowing much about the hike they were planning.

The trail they had in mind, Angels Landing, was supposedly fairly short with an incredible view. The red rock cliffs were beautiful from below. They were so grand and tall that I hadn’t even considered we might attempt to climb them.

Half way up the trail my heart started to pound. We had just left safe inclines and protective cliffs at our sides for a terrifying view of the remainder of the trail. It was breathtaking on more than one point. I recognized that we were about to cross the top of the precipice I had been admiring from below. What I didn’t know before was that the top was really a narrow land bridge. It seemed to be about four feet wide with a 1,400 foot sheer drop on either side.

Suddenly an old adage came to mind. “Fools walk where angles fear to tread.” Yeah, I know - lot’s of people were hiking it, but it still looked foolish. Walking on a tightrope always seemed insane too. Just then a young mother with a small baby strapped on her back came bouncing across like a mountain goat. She seemed completely unaware that there was a life-threatening cliff ready to gobble her up with her progeny. I made no effort to tell her. I just watched with a strange mixture of admiration and contempt.

As the rest of my party started to pass me on the trail, I found myself faced with a difficult decision. “Should I risk my life or just wait here where it is safe?” I considered, debated, and rationalized. This was one time that I wanted to listen to the voice in my head – afraid as it was. But another part of me wanted to see the top. “You will never know what it was like if you don’t go.”

More people passed me in my state of indecision. I took comfort in the fact that I wasn’t the only one negotiating my fears. A number of people had simply sat down, content to watch the others commit suicide. In failing to make a decision, I was deciding to become one of the bystanders.

Finally a thought gripped me harder than my fear. I believed that I could not make it, but did I know? How could I know unless I had tried? If I gave up, certainly I would be safe. On the other hand, nothing prevented me from going a little further. Even if I couldn’t make it all the way to the top, I could do a little more. It was at that point that my mind became clearer. I wouldn’t stop unless something stopped me. I would do as much as I possibly could before I gave up.

The land bridge had a chain rail to hold onto, which I did desperately. After that, the top of the bridge widened and had no chain. I found myself doing a sort of crab walk with my back to the ground. I went a little further then a little further.

After I had crossed the bridge, I faced my next obstacle. At that point the trail went almost vertical with additional chains to hold onto in order to manage the ascent. I again swallowed my fear and began to climb. It wasn’t easy to block out my awareness of the drop below. The key was to keep moving. As long as I was moving I could focus on my footing rather than my fear.

Making it to the top was an amazing accomplishment. My fears kept me pretty low to the ground, but what an amazing sight lay before me! I could never imagine it had I not gone the length of the trail. It wasn’t only what I saw, but what I felt that thrilled me. I had conquered my fears.

I would be amiss if I didn’t acknowledge that I had offered a number of prayers along the way. Father heard me. He gave me the courage to keep going. Even more than courage, He gave me a feeling of persistence that kept me from quitting. Of the two, I think the latter played a greater role.

There are many parts of life that are strait and narrow. Others seem steep and treacherous. Sometimes my challenges seem too difficult to negotiate or too big to tackle. I am grateful for the occasional reminder from the spirit that I am the offspring of God. He is my father. That simple thought gives me courage to try things that seem impossible, especially if I know he is the one asking me.

No one is perfect, but I have a lot more confidence when I know I have done everything I possibly can. I know that Father will help us through difficult times if we seek Him. As the angel, Gabriel, told Mary, “For with God nothing shall be impossible.” I believe this to be especially true in our attempts to overcome our sins and weaknesses. Some may be excruciatingly difficult to attempt, but we can repent through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. He has already paid the price. It’s up to us to begin the climb.

I don’t think I will ever forget Angels Landing. In addition, I have a better mental image of the reward that is waiting if I can ignore my fears and keep going.