Out on a Limb

I like comparisons, or rather, I like healthy comparisons. Lately I’ve been thinking about some challenges in my life and how they seem to have something in common. The “something” is a recurring theme with a lot of variations. I think I know the theme well enough now that I’m not going out on a limb to share it.

When I was a kid, I liked climbing trees. I don’t remember ever falling out of a tree, or breaking my arm, but I do remember getting stuck in a few places where I needed some help. Feeling stuck is not a comfortable place to be. I don’t have to be hanging from a branch with four fingers to dislike it. Sometimes being in a place where I don’t feel like I can move without help is hard enough. That’s where faith comes in. It is a definite part of the theme.

The feeling of being stuck has been a familiar companion to my most difficult challenges. More often than not, it seems I am presented with a riddle that has no solution. The questions I have asked myself were not hard to understand, but the answers were elusive. Here are a few of my own examples.

How will my wife and I pay off a student loan and afford to start a family? How do I tell my boss I am uncomfortable with a company decision without losing my job? How can I possibly fit time in an already busy schedule to accept a calling and serve in my church? How can I complete my deadline at work without working on the Sabbath? How can I be at an important school play for my daughter and not neglect my client? With all that is expected of me, how will I possibly get everything done?

Whatever my questions may have been, I seem to have faired alright. In spite of elusive answers, my life hasn’t come to a screeching halt, and there isn’t a single question that has stopped me from moving forward. Yet, I have a tendency to freeze up when I am afraid. I avoid the choices I don’t want to make. Regardless of what is real, the way I perceive my circumstances can make it difficult for me to make good choices, especially if I worry too much about all the “what ifs.” The fact that I have navigated each of my challenges in the past is evidence that there was a way to do it.

This pattern of getting through difficult situations points to a significant personal observation – my biggest challenge has been my fears, not my circumstances.

The most successful way I have found through my challenges is to face them, and more importantly to face them with faith. Is this easier said than done? Yes. But, having the faith to believe that there is a way is a very important step. While many of my challenges have had the appearance of being impossible, or at least very unfavorable, not one of them has stopped me. One by one, I tackled each riddle, left my comfort zone, faced my fears, and went out on a limb. Where I thought I was stuck, I became a little less so by working to find a solution. My next step has been to turn to God.

If I truly believe that “with God nothing shall be impossible,” (Luke 1:37) and I won’t be tested “above that which I can bear,” (Alma 13:28) then I should also have faith in God that He will provide a way to get through every challenge. I can have confidence that He has already provided a way for me to get unstuck. This may be through my own efforts, or it may be from someone else who isn’t clinging to a branch. In whatever the circumstance, He will provide help. "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you," is what He has promised. (Matthew 7:7)

Truer than finding a lost object in the last place you think to look, needed help often comes when you are at the end of your rope, or at the end of a branch. It comes right when you think you can’t possibly do any more. This is because you “receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” (Ether 12:6)

God is our loving Father in Heaven. He wants us to be like Him. We become more like Him as we put our faith in Him – faith enough to do as much as we possibly can before He steps in. It’s the faith to act and face our circumstances, even when we are afraid or don’t want to. As we learn to face our fears and replace them with faith, we learn how to get unstuck faster. It happens with His help.

If you ever feel like you are being tested as much as you can possibly bear, hold on and turn to God. Don’t give up. God intends to test our faith to make us stronger. If you feel like you have to make an impossible decision, remember that help will be on its way. That’s what He has promised, and it’s worth remembering when you are stuck out on a limb.


What I Believe…


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My Question

Surprised, I stopped and noticed it –
A question – hiding behind my confidence,
The quiet voice I forgot was there,
Familiar against my silence.

This mark, I thought, had gone away –
Scolded and disciplined for loitering.
Instead it wagged its finger at me,
That question that is questioning.

Should I be worried? Is my faith weak,
I asked, If unresolved the mark remains?
If I have answered more than once,
How long until it stays away?

I took my stance before the mark
As though it were not there.
Exchanging weakness for my strength,
I lowly knelt in prayer.

Even lower did I stand
When I was answered not a word.
Was it the fault of mark or mine,
When my prayer went unheard?

With my adjusted stature,
I saw no place to hide,
Not for me, nor my question,
Beneath confidence, stature, or pride.

I resolved myself to move along
With intentions that are good,
And when my mark no longer questioned,
That’s where my answer stood.

Some answers come by gentle words
That match the quiet voice.
Yet some are found by pure resolve
And in the honest choice.

Perhaps the mark found a place
To hide until I’m weak.
It’s finger to wag, and words to wave
With tongue placed in cheek.


What I Believe…


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Welcome Secrets

Tiny things I lock in my heart –
Names I have loved, anger I’ve shown,
Even a small collection of shame –
Find harbor, and safety at home.

Esteemed with my values –
Of honor, integrity, and decency,
A deep need for compassion, and love –
They sit in mixed company.

Lonely I stand while guarding my key
Feigning strength by securing the lock.
Yet wondering what happens if I worry less
Who to let in, and who to not.

To offer my heart, I must turn the key
Lay bare my wares and things that I stow,
Risking that freedom when I open the door –
Let them choose whether to stay or go.


What I Believe…


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Death is a Doorway

Standing
At the face of the reposed stone
Inscripted with names,
I rest
And remember
The mother I’ve never met.
I long
And yearn some more
For greeting phrases that await my arrival
In the next place,
A passage I have not yet read.

Waiting,
I reflect on my faithful friend
Who just now left,
So suddenly,
Passing through a door
In the ground –
A door admitting entrance
More readily
Than granting one return passage.
His place is further,
Another part in the book,
The next grand adventure.

Death,
A doorway not to be feared,
With plot largely unknown,
Is a path
From life to life
Between chapters of experience.
One school is finished,
Another begins,
But the life that passes through,
A common thread,
Is still the same,
Only more.
Death is merely a passage
To be written.

Mostly unseen,
One piece of my heart died,
Entering
The consuming furnace of unfamiliar trial
And test
As words I penned
Were etched in my heart by choice.
Repeatedly
My heart emerged again
And again,
Largely the same and unharmed.
Lesser parts purged,
The better made clearer.

The last time I passed away,
In the first place,
Or that which came before,
I left
Those who were familiar
And loved me.
In keeping my first estate,
I gave it up
And was given another.
Even now, I remember nothing
About that death.
Upon my leaving,
I was affectionately received
By family.

Did I lose or did I gain?
Which did it seem at first,
In that place?
Did I know
The expanse of loss
Makes room for more given?
Did I see
Losing the wrong is always better
And losing good
Temporary?
Did I know I would know
Someday?

Now I consider
The arrival of some future point
When my time here
Becomes
A passage in a book.
Will I fear that experience,
New and unfamiliar,
As though it is the first time?
Or will I be ready to turn another page
Just like the last?
If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.

Each time I die,
And offer one more part
That clings for existence,
The pattern of life is reread.
As long as I am willing,
The pathway seems to lead my heart and mind
Further up and further in.
If I remember, and feel,
I do not fear.
Verily,
It is written.

Books are inscripted,
Capturing the things we forget,
The memories
That escape our minds,
And the lessons
We thought we knew.
Death,
Is a doorway
Not to be feared,
But respected
With honest tears
In hope of the things we know
To wash away our fears.




“To die will be an awfully big adventure.” James M. Barrie, Peter Pan.

“One school is finished, and the time has come for another to begin.” Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

“If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.” (Doctrine & Covenants 38:30)

“Come further up, come further in.” C. S. Lewis, The Last Battle.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Lose Your Self, Not Your Perspective

There is often a difference between “being right” and “being righteous.” Wanting to be right isn’t a bad thing. This desire can stem from a desire to do good, to be obedient, and to be sure that the path we are on will take us to the right destination. It suggests that we are not only seeking good, but that we have found it, or at least some part that is worth holding on to. It may also be evidence that our faith has resulted in a knowledge of good and evil.

Our actions after we have found something good are what determine our own goodness. It is then that we find whether we match the goodness we have discovered, or if we merely admire something that is better than ourselves. I often sorrow for my own weaknesses when I have discovered the latter. Yet if I didn’t recognize this truth, I could never get past “being right” to “become" righteous.

I believe the desire for security to be innate in all of us. We want to be happy. We want to be successful, and we want the happiness we have found to continue. In order to do so, it is natural to guard what we have and what we know. We settle. We are willing to accept the little bit of success we have gained at the risk of forgetting there is much more. So, here lies the heart of the problem, and the difference between being right and being righteous. I have to be willing to ask myself a difficult question. “Am I protecting myself, my success, and my possessions, or am I protecting my ability to gain more truth?” My answer to this question should clearly define where I feel safe and show where my insecurities are.

Settling for a lesser truth can be very risky. Consider a difficult court case where a defendant is being tried for a serious offense. It is difficult to know whether the person is innocent, guilty, or merely negligent without proper evidence. If a verdict is determined too quickly based on a single piece of evidence, the judgment may not be fair. We may want to find a person either guilty or innocent, hoping for black and white clarity, when in fact the person may be some of each. I find that my imperfections put me in this camp more often than I would like. Just because I am trying to do what is right doesn’t mean I am completely right. Understanding this valuable truth will help me to turn to a more complete source. Personalizing this trial of faith will help me to understand that I have to defend truth without being personally defensive. If my own interests get in the way of the truth I am seeking, I become blinded and I stop seeing clearly.

In the coasts of Caesarea Philippi during his Galilean ministry, Jesus asked his disciples, “Whom say ye that I am?” Peter answered, “Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God. Jesus then told Peter he was blessed because he had received this witness from the Father. Immediately after, Jesus began to teach those who were with him of the things he had to do as the Christ and Savior of the World. He told them how he would suffer and be killed. Peter quickly began to rebuke him, telling Jesus that this wouldn’t happen. Jesus’ response to Peter is a little disturbing. “Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.” (Matthew 16:15-16, 22-23)

I feel for Peter. What a difficult thing to have just had a spiritual experience – to have born witness by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, to be told that the Church would be built upon the principles of revelation and priesthood keys, and that Peter himself would be given these as well as the sealing power to perform God’s work – and then to be told that you are Satan because you care not for the things that are God’s. I think if I had been in Peter’s shoes, I might have been a little confused and frightened. It would be easy to take the accusation personally without some degree of faith that Jesus was merely preparing Peter for something greater. Shortly after, Peter was given those keys as Moses, Elias, Elijah, and John the Baptist appeared to him on the mount of transfiguration. He continued to grow from grace to grace though he was not perfect. He learned how to see larger perspective through God’s eyes. He learned how to be trusted.

The struggle with self is perhaps the most difficult battle we will ever face. So much happens in the heart that goes unseen. Each of us places things that we treasure in our hearts. We make rooms for people who are important to us. We choose what we will think and how we will act by what we allow into our hearts. If we are selfish and self focused, we will savor the things of men rather than God. Yet if we enlarge our perspective so that our focus is on truth instead of our desires only, then self gets swallowed up in something greater. We become greater. Our outward beauty becomes a reflection of the change that takes place in our hearts. It demonstrates whether or not we have taken the Lord’s image into our own countenances.

Being swallowed up may sound like a negative thing, but this should not be compared to a hostile corporate takeover. Jesus invites us to come unto Him, so that we can follow Him and be with Him, He offers us a grand gift, to be a joint-heir of all that the Father has. He asks us to do what He has done. Offering ourselves up to be swallowed up in the will of the Lord is much like Jonah recognizing his mistakes, offering to be thrown off the ship only to be swallowed by the whale, and then be delivered safely. Had Jonah accepted this principle sooner, he could have swallowed his pride and been blessed instead of having to endure the stomach of a whale. Consider the sign of Jonah. (Matthew 16:4)

The prophet Abinadi foretold the difficult things Jesus would do during his ministry. Interestingly enough, it is the same thing that Jesus foretold to Peter. To King Noah he said, “And thus the flesh becoming subject to the Spirit, or the Son to the Father, being one God, suffereth temptation, and yieldeth not to the temptation, but suffereth himself to be mocked, and scourged, and cast out, and disowned by his people. … Yea, even so he shall be led, crucified, and slain, the flesh becoming subject even unto death, the will of the Son being swallowed up in the will of the Father.” (Mosiah 15:5-7) By yielding to the Holy Spirit and submitting our desires for sanctification and approval, we allow our will to be swallowed up in the will of the Father.

After Jesus chastened Peter, He taught him how to keep a clear perspective. He said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24) His disciples hadn’t seen him carry his own cross yet, but would according to his word. We may assume that they had seen others crucified along the roads of Jerusalem who had born their own cross before receiving their final sentence of death. In this symbolic act, if we take up our own cross, we may do something difficult that acknowledges the death of the natural man so that we can more properly follow the Savior. Jesus continues, “And now for a man to take up his cross, is to deny himself of all ungodliness, and every worldly lust, and keep my commandments.” (JST Matthew 16:26)

Jesus spake of His Cross and His deliverance as things that had already happened. He was obedient to the Father at every step. He also taught how we could follow him without having to make the same sacrifice, if we would just be willing to do so and then do whatever else He asks of us. The account of this story is recorded slightly different in three of the four gospels of the New Testament. Each one adds some insight to keeping a proper perspective.

In Matthew we read, “Break not my commandments for to save your lives; for whosoever will save his life in this world, shall lose it in the world to come.” (JST Matthew 16:27) Less dire than saving our lives is an attempt to save a mortgage, pay a bill, or provide for our wants and needs by breaking the sabbath or withholding our tithes and offerings from the Lord. If we are tempted to break a commandment to provide for a want, will we not be judged more harshly than if we were trying to save our lives? Still, the instruction remains not to break the commandments to save our lives. Rather than judging others for their decisions, I feel we are better off judging our own intent to see if we are trying to be right or trying to be righteous. If we are unsure, the Lord will help us to know if we ask in faith.

“For whosoever will save his life in this world, shall lose it in the world to come. And whosoever will lose his life in this world, for my sake shall find it in the world to come. Therefore, forsake the world, and save your souls….” (JST Matthew 16:27-29) Jesus’ words here have everything to do with priority. Do I give too much voice to my current needs that I forget about the tomorrow of eternity? Am I so focused on self that I lose my perspective? What am I willing to offer to make sure this does not happen? I find when I am not only willing to ask these questions, but answer them with positive action and choices, my perspective enlarges and I feel closer to the Holy Spirit.

In Mark we read, “For whosoever will save his life, shall lose it; or whosever will save his life, shall be willing to lay it down for my sake; and if he is not willing to lay it down for my sake, he shall lose it.” (JST Mark 8:37) This account reinforces that our willingness is most important. We may not have to give up everything. In fact, it is Father who wishes to give us everything, but He can only do it if our hearts are set upon Him instead of the things He wishes to give us. We have to be willing to endure and not settle for anything less than Him.

“In Luke we read, “For whosoever will save his life, must be willing to lose it for my sake; and whosoever will be willing to lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. For what doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world, and yet he receive him not whom God hath ordained, and he lose his own soul, and he himself be a castaway?” (JST Luke 9:24-25) Jesus enlarges this understanding beyond the will of the Father to include the words of those servants who have been called to teach us and chasten us. He does not ask that we give our lives in death, but to give our lives in service as we follow the Lord’s anointed. “Therefore deny yourselves of these, and be not ashamed of me.” (JST Mark 8:40)

On another occasion, Jesus taught this same principle and said, “Remember Lot’s wife. Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” (Luke 17:32-33) He then continued to tell them of some of the signs of the second coming, how there would be two and one would be taken and one left behind. If we wish to have oil in our lamps when the bridegroom returns for the wedding, we should be willing to put self aside and purify our hearts.

Jesus Christ has shown the way to eternal life with the Father. He has taught us the truth and has paid the price for our sins. As we partake the emblems of His atoning sacrifice, and swallow them to become part of us, we demonstrate a willingness to let him into our core, into our heart. By so doing we swallow our pride and offer up our hearts and our desires to Him. This offering is not so that we will give up, suppress, or deny those God given desires, appetites, and passions, but to allow him to purge “self” from them, making them more pure and more powerful. This sanctification of our hearts removes selfishness and makes room for Him whose love is as broad as the universe.

The hardest decisions I will ever make will take place in my heart. I tend to have more fear when I can only see the instant of now and what I have to give up. When I understand the larger picture, my judgment is clearer and I am more likely to swallow and offer willingly. Recognizing that God is the only complete source for truth and happiness helps me to turn my focus from self and keep it on Him.


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Leaving the Garden of Eden

Four years ago I made the mistake of missing a return airplane flight on President’s Day weekend. I was not aware of how busy that particular Friday was for flyers and thought I might be able to arrange another departure. I was wrong. Worse yet, I disappointed my wife. My missed departure equated to a lost opportunity for a Friday night date we had been planning for a while. Saddened, after discovering that all outgoing flights were not only sold out but were overbooked, I had to figure out what I would do for accommodations. I went back to the car rental where I had just returned my car only to pick up another. My next task was to find a hotel room for the weekend. Admittedly, my decisions left me with circumstances I had not expected.

While Independence, Missouri, is a cold place to be in February, it is very different in the summer. In my effort to make the best of an extended business trip, I revisited memories of previous trips – times when leaves on trees were full and green rather than bleakly missing. I recalled driving through that part of the country, appreciating its recent and ancient history. In my memory, I appreciated the beauty of what I had known before. What I saw in front of me on that trip was a completely different context.

It was a sad irony that my attempt to leave Independence left me trapped and stranded from the home I wished to return to. Another small irony was that I was trying to leave by choice when, not quite two hundred years ago, many of my ancestors who had lived in that same area were forced to abandon their homes and lands, and leave against their will. Almost overnight, they had no accommodations and were at the mercy of other settlers who took them in and gave them a place to stay. They, too, left in the cold of winter, but they did not have rental cars or hotel rooms to comfort them. I was attempting to get home. They had to leave theirs.

Not far from this area is a place called Adam-ondi-Ahman, a name my ancestors referred to as the land where Adam dwelt. The valley of Adam-ondi-Ahman is now used for crops and is a quite a fertile area. Because of its namesake, I have wondered how fertile it might have been in comparison to the Garden of Eden. What were conditions really like there? What was summer like? How severe was winter when Adam and Eve were driven out? To what home did they then go?

The ancient account of leaving the fertile garden was partly out of choice, and partly by requirement. Yes, Adam and Eve were driven from the Garden of Eden by God, but only after having made the choice that triggered the consequence. First, they were warned of what would happen should they choose to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Then they chose.

God commanded Adam, “Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, nevertheless, thou mayest choose for thyself, for it is given unto thee; but, remember that I forbid it, for in the day thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.” (Moses 3:16-17)

I wonder if we received similar instruction in the grand council in heaven before coming to this earth. When the plan of our Father in heaven was presented, were we not also warned of what would happen should we choose to accept His plan, requiring us to gain knowledge and choose between good and evil? Did we not accept the conditions of death as part of mortality? How much did we know? We didn’t know what death was like because we hadn’t experienced it. We didn’t know how temptations would affect a mortal body, either. Yet we knew enough to follow Jehovah and reject Lucifer during the war in heaven. We knew enough to choose sides and pick between good and evil.

In a sense, choosing to leave the premortal world was no different than choosing to leave the Garden of Eden. Whether our choice or the choice of Adam and Eve, it was a choice to leave the presence of God so that we could be tested. The weight of this choice can only be fully understood when we acknowledge what was being left behind. We chose to leave our home in heaven, to become strangers in a strange land. Adam and Eve chose to accept the consequences of death that they might become as gods knowing good and evil.

After the fall, the Holy Ghost fell upon Adam and he said, “Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.” Eve having heard this was glad and said, “Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.” (Moses 5:10-11)

These verses of scripture hold an interesting contradiction. Adam and Eve were warned by God what would happen if they ate the forbidden fruit. Yet after their transgression, the Holy Ghost comes as a reward and comforts them. Adam acknowledges that he will have joy that he could not have experienced otherwise. Eve expresses her hope for eternal life through obedience. Both were glad for their decision. When Adam and Eve chose death, they also chose the opportunity to have eternal life. While they didn’t know this until after they had eaten the forbidden fruit, they were persuaded by the serpent to become like God. While it was his intent to deceive Adam and Eve, it was the intent of God to save them. The apparent contradiction between God’s warning and the reaction of Adam and Eve after their fall represents a paradox more than conflicting circumstances.

A choice to leave the Garden is a choice to accept opposition. It is also a choice to let go of something we know in exchange for something better. The greater reward comes with a cost. As we choose to meet opposition, and choose between good and evil, we become something better. We become converted, and we become worthy. By choice, we become like God.

God cursed the ground for Adam and Eve’s sake, not as a punishment but that they might have joy. The path is sweat and sorrow, thorns and thistles, yet our reward is heaven and eternal life. Seeing through the opposition – not only of good and evil, but between pleasure and sorrow, weakness and strength – requires us to have faith, and the more the better. To live in the world but not of it challenges us to become strong in adversity. The desire for happiness when we suffer from loss invites us to seek help from a loving Father who loves to care for His children. Striving to overcome our weaknesses in the hope of finding strength demands all the faith we can provide. The beauty of this offering is that our faith is then matched, increased, and returned in greater abundance. Faith in God never fails, but turns to charity as we feel His love and as our love for Him grows in our hearts. Thus the pathway is not punishment but perfection.

I believe that repeatedly each of us is required to leave our own intermittent Gardens of Eden. It takes faith to face a situation that will require a willing sacrifice, believing that the result will be greater. It requires our trust in God that His way is always better. When we are willing to let go of the things we know, we have nothing to trust in but the things we do not know but hope to believe. This is Father’s purpose. He invites us, through faith on His Only Begotten Son, to believe though we cannot see, as we follow the enticings of His Holy Spirit. This leap of faith requires us to leave Eden to travel through our own wilderness, our destination being our heavenly home. This test proves to ourselves just how valuable the heavenly gift means to us. More importantly, it demonstrates the strength of our love for God.

Isaiah the prophet taught that the Lord will comfort His people. When we look to Abraham and Sarah, like Adam and Eve, and we keep the covenants God made with them, he will give us the same blessings. Isaiah said, “Hearken to me, ye that follow after righteousness, ye that seek the Lord: look unto the rock whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit whence ye are digged. Look unto Abraham your father, and unto Sarah that bare you: for I called him alone, and blessed him, and increased him. For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody.” (Isaiah 51:1-3)

Adam and Eve left the garden to face death and brought children into the world. Abraham left his garden as he ascended the Mount in Moriah to offer his son, Isaac. He found comfort in the promises of the Lord. The early pioneers who left Missouri faced the martyrdom of Carthage and the despair of Nauvoo, but found their Zion where the desert was made a garden. Each of us may find comfort in our places of despair when we face our wilderness with faith. The first step is to leave the comfort of our home in Eden in the hope of arriving at a better place.

The prophet Mormon taught us, “if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ. And now, my brethren, how is it possible that ye can lay hold upon every good thing? And now I come to that faith, of which I said I would speak; and I will tell you the way whereby ye may lay hold on every good thing.” (Moroni 7:19-21)

As we hear the words of Christ and exercise faith in Him, we increase our ability to lay hold upon every good thing. But first we must let go of our fears, our pride, and our vanity. If we fail to do so, these things possess our hearts and leave no room for faith. When we release our grasp on the things that we treasure in our hearts, trusting that God is always right, then will our deserts be turned into gardens, and joy and gladness will fill our hearts. This is the purpose of our existence, that we might have joy through the Lord.

Repeatedly this last year, I have felt as though I have had promptings to give up things that were very valuable to me. I have been asked to give up my Eden. Each time I have left the comfort and security of the garden – each time I was willing to submit to and yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and make an offering of faith to the Lord – He has rewarded me like Abraham, accepting my willingness and allowing me to keep my treasure. Whether our trials are lengthy or temporary, the anguish of our departure will always be softened by faith. Like a missed plane flight, some things are only temporary. Blessings may be delayed like an inconvenient layover, but the Lord always keeps His promises, and He always rewards faith. I may have more gardens to leave before I am finished, but I become less and less afraid knowing that God’s way is always better, and is often inclusive.


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Weak and Worthy of Perfection

I sat anxiously across from the owner of the company. He was positioned behind the desk in his office, accompanied with books and files and drawings. His appearance was very professional. I was intimidated. The principal owner had lots of experience while I had nothing but my willingness to offer; no experience, no skill or ability. I was just eager. My eyes were on him, and his eyes were on my résumé.

After perusing my small offering of ability, the owner asked me a number of questions. I don’t recall any of them now. I only remember the urgent need to find a job. My fiancé had recently accepted my proposal of marriage, but I had very little to offer her, only my willingness. Similar to the lyrics by Paul Simon, “I was as empty as a pocket with [everything] to lose.” My position was pretty weak. Fortunately, Liz had a lot of faith in me, and the interview was just enough.

The owner hired me. Deep sigh of relief. He took my weak position and limited ability, and he gave me a chance. It was an opportunity to show how I would perform for a short period of time. He made it clear that I would be on probation to see if the arrangement would be a good fit. I was grateful but still nervous. So much depended on landing and keeping my first real job. Everything hinged on my willingness to follow directions.

Some of my first assignments were pretty basic. I was the go-to person for tasks that didn’t require any experience. These tasks included sweeping the backroom, running deposits to the bank, and picking up lint off the floor. I was asked to keep the fax machine loaded with paper. I had heard of fax machines, but didn’t have a clue about how to use one, let alone keep it stocked. There were a few frustrating moments that required others to have patience with me as they taught me how to do small tasks. My job description matched my ability, but at least it was a start.

I felt very tenuous the next couple of months as I performed my duties, always wondering where I stood with my employer. Would he keep me? Was he satisfied? Did I meet his expectations? When he didn’t talk to me, did that mean that he was unhappy with me? I went home every night with some worry that I might be looking for another job soon. Again, fortunately for me, Liz and my employer had faith in my ability, and it was just enough.

As I started my follow-up interview, I was almost certain my employer was unhappy with my performance. I doubted myself and I let fear govern my thoughts. I contemplated the worst case scenarios and what I would do next. Contrary to my fears, the principal of the company reviewed my progress with me and thanked me for my work. He then asked me to continue with the firm. In an instant, my confidence was renewed and hope was restored. I could hardly wait to tell my fiancé that things were going to work out. So much of my attitude depended on that single validation.

Now that I, myself, am a principal in an architecture and planning firm, it is wonderful and gratifying to see how far I have come. I started at the bottom, and I continue to grow. There are many areas of experience I wish to develop, but they will take time, patience, and practice. While I am confident in my abilities to provide professional services, I am also glad I do not see a ceiling to my growth. There is plenty of room.

My current successes sometimes block out the memories of inadequacy I once felt, but they do not negate how real they were. I was quite worried. My fears were unfounded and without validation from my employer, but they were constant until I had some assurance. This memory reminds me of another experience I frequently have with inadequacy. However, my chair has moved to the other side of the desk.

On a regular basis, my responsibility in the church I attend allows me to meet with individuals who are preparing to worship in a Holy Temple. Part of their preparation involves an interview in which I ask them some questions about their worthiness to enter the Temple. The questions are simple and focus on their faith and ability to live a life patterned after the Savior Jesus Christ. The last question tends to generate some feelings of inadequacy in many instances, yet it is very important. “Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the Lord’s house and participate in temple ordinances?” Most of the questions I ask have short and confident answers. This last question often generates some discussion.

What does it mean to be worthy? Worthiness is not to be confused with perfection or holiness. Instead, worthiness represents adequate merit, worth, or value. It does not imply “arriving at the top.” The word should suggest our pursuit of that goal, and not the destination. The key word for me is “adequate,” meaning just enough. If I am required to have adequate faith, I do not need to have perfect faith. In fact, faith the size of a grain of mustard seed is adequate as long as my actions are “just enough.” I will still pursue this endeavor of increasing my faith, but it is not the measure of my worthiness.

Feelings of worthiness are often hampered by feelings of inadequacy. When we feel deficient or fall short of someone else’s expectations, we often feel that we lack worth or validity. We doubt ourselves without reassurance and a measure of validation. When we begin to lose confidence and question our worth, it is much easier to focus on our weaknesses. These are the moments where I feel that “weak” and “worthy” are at opposing sides of the desk, one scrutinizing and the other being scrutinized. However, I do not feel that this is always necessary.

Weaknesses, though not fun to admit to or deal with, can be a great blessing to the eager disciple of the Savior Jesus Christ. They become a gift when we see them for what they are. Yet again we find another application of our faith. I do not believe it is possible to have this clear of vision without faith in the only person who ever lived a perfect life in mortality. Believing in Jesus is believing that what He said is true, and that the words of His servants are also true.

Frustrated with his own ability to write, the prophet Moroni pled with the Lord over his weaknesses. The Lord responded, “if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27)

I can’t say that I like to admit that my weaknesses are a gift from God. To do so admits a responsibility and a stewardship. It is much easier to pray that our weaknesses are removed than to pray for strength to deal with them and master them. Once I begin to see with an eye of faith, however, the personal growth I have been hoping for is met with greater success. These accomplishments are items that are good to include on a spiritual résumé.

The Apostle Paul, in his second letter to church members in Corinth, described how the Lord had given him “a thorn in the flesh” to keep him humble. Three times Paul asked the Lord to remove this trial. The Lord’s response was, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Paul then states, “Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. …for when I am weak, then am I strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

It wasn’t until after Paul heard the Lord’s explanation that he took pleasure in trials and afflictions. I don’t know that the experience became any more pleasurable than before, but Paul had faith that the Lord would lead him and make him stronger. I think some of the strength that I admire in Paul, is not just his ability to endure trials, but in his choice to submit willingly. The beauty of what the Lord told Moroni is that He will supply us with this strength when we humble ourselves before Him and have faith in him. Thus, the hardest part to admitting our weaknesses is not to find strength, but in deciding to have faith. Once we do, the Lord will provide the grace, the strength, and the witness that we desire. But it is only after we turn to Him and allow our faith to be tested.

Moroni further compares this type of faith with that of the brother of Jared’s. It is the ability to see with an “eye of faith,” or to receive a witness and see the things that we first believed. (Ether 12:19) This is another key to rending the veil of unbelief, to believe without seeing. When we begin to see our weaknesses for what they are, as gifts from God, we are entitled to His promise, “And because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father.” (Ether 12:37) It isn’t just seeing our weakness, but seeing it with an eye of faith that merits the promise.

If we wish to have the faith of the brother of Jared, the conversion of Peter, and the strength of Paul, it all starts with the faith to become. Not only do we become converted, we become worthy. It is our faith the Lord wants, stored up in our hearts. If we are willing to offer this gift, it is enough. It is adequate. Then His grace will cover our debts, our sins, and our transgressions. Both Paul and Moroni stated that His grace is “sufficient” to save us when we have faith. I find it interesting that the word sufficient also means enough.

It is one thing to worry about being worthy to enter the Lord’s house and worship Him in the Holy Temple. It is another to wonder if I am worthy to enter the presence of God and live with Him again in heaven. I do not believe it insignificant that the Holy Temple is the house of God, or the place where God dwells. Whether it is His dwelling here on earth or our home in heaven to which we hope to return, we should be diligent in doing enough to be worthy of both. This would suggest that a worthiness to enter the Lord’s house would equate to worthiness to return to His presence. I believe this to be true with one additional validation – the key to truly being worthy.

The Lord revealed to Joseph Smith that, “It is impossible for man to be saved in ignorance.” (Doctrine & Covenants 131:6) It is God’s will that we know where we stand before Him. To this end He gives His children the Gift of the Holy Ghost. As the Lord taught Adam, “by the Spirit ye are justified….” (Moses 6:60) The Holy Ghost will not only confirm the validity of truth, He will confirm to us that what we are doing is either right or wrong. He will bear witness to our spirits and let us know when our path is pleasing to God. In this way, when we feel the presence and influence of the Holy Spirit near to us, we may with confidence know that our will is aligned with God’s.

Rather than feeling inadequate or worried about whether we are worthy to obtain the highest degree of heaven, we can ask the Lord where we stand and receive His own validation. In a revelation on the Holy Priesthood, the Lord further taught Joseph Smith an important key. He said, “Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.” (Doctrine & Covenants 121:45)

With charity, the pure love of Christ, and virtue, which is a conformity to righteous principles, we can stand confident in the presence of God. This confidence isn’t because we become anything of ourselves, but because we are doing more and more of what God has asked us to do. The more we become obedient to God and focus outward on His children, the more confidence we can obtain. He is the source of true confidence. When we do what He has taught, there is no need to fear. When we put our trust in Him, He will see us through our trials. And then, “The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.” (Doctrine & Covenants 121:46)

As we consider the commandment of the Savior to “be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect,” we are met with a paradox – we are to be humble but confident, weak and yet strong. The paradox becomes clearer when we remember how Father wants us to grow. He wants us to turn to Him and rely on Him for strength.

Without a focus on God and the assurance from the Holy Spirit that we are making good choices, worthiness could be measured by simply marking a checklist. It would then be too easy to be like others the Lord has warned against. “They draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof.” (Joseph Smith–History 1:19)

When we put our trust in the Lord with an eye of faith, we do not have to be afraid of being weak. He will make us strong. When we become strong as we are doing only that which He has asked us to do, we need not fear being too confident, not if our confidence comes from Him. When we acknowledge that all powers, gifts, and blessings come from God, He will give us more which in turn will eliminate all our feelings of inadequacy. When we are willing to submit to His will, one choice at a time, it is just enough to get us moving in the right direction.

Feeling inadequate is an experience I would rather do without. Whether it is interviewing for a job, preparing to go to the temple, or preparing to go to our heavenly home, having the right assurance makes all the difference.

I felt a lot of anxiety over my first job. I wanted to know if my work was acceptable. I hoped I was going in the right direction. Most of all, I wanted to know that I was going to make it. Now, more than wanting to keep a job, I want to be faithful in keeping the Holy Spirit as my constant companion. So much of eternity depends on keeping our second estate here on earth. Everything hinges on our willingness to follow directions during our mortal probation.

Perfection is a lofty goal, but it can be obtained, at least eventually. I don’t have to feel inadequate because I am not there yet. I can still be worthy of God’s promised blessings. With an eye of faith, and an ability to see our weaknesses for what they are, we can be worthy without being perfect. In this way, we become worthy of perfection. We do this in spite of our weaknesses, and often with them. God is willing to take our weak position and limited ability and give us a chance to work for Him in His kingdom. When He validates our worthiness by the presence of His Holy Spirit, we have nothing to fear.


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Fear, Treasure, and Love

I love a good story. My current circumstances may not allow me to travel as much as I would like, but I have found a well crafted story can take me places I could never go to otherwise. Through books, movies, plays, histories, and even songs, I have been to other parts of the world. I have travelled in time, and I have met some amazing people. Whether they are actual or not is not as relevant. The power of a good story is the potential for me to consider things that I have not considered before. While a story may not be real, my application of ideas most certainly is.

As I place myself in the position of a fictitious character and consider how I would respond under a given set of circumstances, I wonder how my experience would compare with theirs. When the narrator of the story understands more than the main character, we often get insight and information that the character does not. More information makes it easier for us to make decisions, or so it seems. While the whole story is not revealed to the reader, it is easier, perhaps, to judge the character in the story unfairly. It may be easy to wish that you could give them some help because you have a clearer perspective. This may be similar to the way a devoted sports fan watching television will shout fruitless advice to a referee who can’t see very clearly. No matter how loud you shout, it may not change the outcome of the story.

Not all stories are told with clarity to the listener. When I am given a story problem to solve, and I have no more information than the main character, we are on equal ground, except for the fact that I am likely more comfortable and I can choose to ignore the problem when I am tired of reading. While I am engaged, however, very often the main character and I are both confused and perplexed. And yet, there is something that keeps me reading. There is something about the ingredients that holds my attention. The story is engaging and I can’t put it down.

Have you ever stopped to consider what makes a good story? Why is it that things which are unclear hold our attention so well? In the case of these questions, I think the power of fiction comes very close to the truth. For me, it’s in the relevance of the story.

The Savior Jesus Christ often taught in parables, or stories, that helped to emphasize a truth. During part of his ministry, “without a parable spake he not unto them.” (Mark 4:34) The examples of his stories were relevant but the meaning was veiled. Many were the times that he would share an example and would then have to explain what the story meant to his closest disciples because they did not understand. His response, “Know ye not this parable? And how then will ye know all parables?” (Mark 4:13)

When His disciples asked Jesus why He taught in parables, He said, “Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given.” (Matthew 13:11) To those who are willing to receive shall be given more. But to him that chooses not to receive, he will lose the understanding that he has. Jesus chose to teach this way because the learner could listen and choose whether or not to understand depending on his desires and willingness. The faithful disciple will stop to look for the meaning in the story and then apply it.

Whenever we experience a significant trial in our lives, it may seem as though we are living inside of a parable. The circumstances are relevant by default. They are given to us to act upon. The meaning of the experience may be veiled behind the circumstances, unless we choose to look to the Savior as His disciples did and ask for an interpretation. “Who hath ears to hear, let him hear.” (Matthew 13:9)

As I consider my own question, “What makes a good story?” I find that in many instances I like the story when there is some kind of conflict where the resolution is not clear at first. It is the mystery and the hope of resolution that make the problem worth solving. Usually I can relate to the main character because I can empathize with what they are going through. My experience may not match theirs even closely, but I can relate to their emotions and motivations. Most often I hope to get something out of my investment in the story – I hope to see a different approach to a familiar problem. I like that kind of application.

Most often our emotions are tied to our expectations. If our expectations are met, we feel positive emotions. When they are not, we are left with sadness, frustration, and disappointment. Whether it is a story that we are reading, or whether we are watching the circumstances in our own lives, it is helpful to understand both our emotions and our motivations, that is if you agree with my assessment of what makes a good story.

Ironically, it is the motivations that we enjoy watching in stories of others that make us the most uncomfortable in our own stories. We don’t mind conflict when we can sit in an “easy chair” and observe. But when we are on trial, the fire seems much hotter. It still makes for the best stories, and I like recounting the story a lot more after I know there is a happy ending.

For the purpose of illustration, think of the writings of Shakespeare which can be grouped into three classifications, namely histories, tragedies, and comedies. Histories look at the way a story unfolds based on actual events and choices. Tragedies tell a story about powerful motivations that often do not have a happy ending. And, simply put, you may say that comedies are stories about people where bad decisions turn out all right in the end. Each of us may have a variety of stories in our own lives that are a direct result of our choices.

The determining factor for me as to whether my life’s story has a happy ending or not will depend on my ability to attain my ultimate purpose in life – to return to the presence of God. If I am successful, many of my tragedies may turn out to be comedies after all. My assertion that a good story is composed of relevant motivations and good choices is critical if I want any control over my own outcome. I liked choose-your-own-adventure books when I was a kid, and that hasn’t changed. I still find great happiness knowing that I can choose my own ending in spite of the circumstances that are given to me to act upon. It all comes down to good choices.

So, if our motivations are so critical to our decisions, what is it that motivates us to make good choices? What motivates us to be obedient to God’s commandments? I believe there are three key motivations – fear, treasure, and love. Not much different than good literature, these are the makings of a good story.

Fear is a powerful master when we let it be. It provides motivation to obtain our desires when it seems there is no other way. Choosing to do something we don’t want to do may appear to be a better option than feeling the threat of negative consequences, especially when those consequences may be applied immediately. Fear operates best when there is present danger or risk. Often, but not always, there is a focus on now rather than later. What will I have to give up now if I don’t? What will happen to me if I choose not to? What if it doesn’t work out? Fear has less power when consequences are prolonged. Because it may be hard to tell whether a story is a tragedy or a comedy until the ending, I believe it is safe to say that fear is not the most powerful motivator, not when there is hope.

Treasure gives us something to hope for. When life isn’t as pleasant as we would like, we can always hope for something better. Positive rewards and consequences reinforce the idea that good things happen to people who make good choices. The nature of hope takes the focus off of now and stretches it further and further ahead, usually in the form of some blessing or reward. The more we look forward to such blessings, the more we treasure them. We keep them close to our hearts. In fact we have to eliminate some of our fears to make room for the treasure we hope for. Unfortunately, hope is not the end-all if it is only treasure we seek. Once we have obtained some treasure, it is not difficult for fear to return in greater strength. Instead of resuming old fears, we may fear losing the good things in our lives. What if my treasure is lost? What will I do if I lose everything and have to start over? What if? Treasure may inspire us to act, but it may not have sufficient strength to overpower our doubts. Similarly, hope can do much in the face of fear to fight off the tragedies of life. But like fear, hope is not the most powerful motivator. Hope is too conditional.

Love is another powerful motivator that is often confused with many things. For instance, love and desire are often interchangeable expressions. If I love something, I may desire it. While love may generate desire, desiring something isn’t necessarily love. It is also possible to treasure an object without truly loving it. Loving someone may only be an expression of admiration. In these instances, desiring, treasuring, and admiring are only components of love. They are not the full expression. If we look at a part and forget the whole, love cannot be complete. When love increases to encompass greater aspects of good, it becomes more and more powerful. Without the full expression, love is still prone to weakness. In its perfect form, love is the most powerful motivator. It is without flaw.

Perfect love, or charity, is the pure love of Christ. Because it endures forever, it is both timeless and unconditional. Fear exists in the moment. Hope stretches our patience and endurance. Perfect love, however, knows no bounds. In order to be perfect, this love is completely selfless. As Mormon described, this love “suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” (Moroni 7:45)

It is a little frightening to look at this powerful motivator because it is so selfless. The implication is that one who desires to have this power must likewise be selfless or the power of love will be ineffective. You can’t use a tool you don’t possess. First you have to seek it. In the case of charity, you seek it by eliminating lesser motivations.

Fear may be an acceptable force when we are less experienced if it points us in the right direction. It is a beginning for our learning. As powerful as it is, fear is not a sufficient motivator to get us past the most difficult trials in life. It is not enough to get us to our eternal home. Fear can start out being a helpful tool, but as we begin to look for the deeper meaning in the parables of our lives, it is not a friend but only a foe.

Treasure and the hope of reward can likewise only get us so far before we run out of gas. The apostle Paul acknowledged this difference when he said, “But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child. I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11) If we truly believe in God, then we have no need to doubt what He said was true. If we do not doubt, then there is no more need for fear.

President Thomas S. Monson has counseled us that “faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other.” (“Come unto Him in Prayer and Faith,” Ensign, Mar. 2009) Likewise our hearts cannot house both faith and fear. Our hope can also do much to crowd out our fears, but the most powerful is still charity. In a letter to his son Moroni, Mormon also taught that “perfect love casteth out all fear.” (Moroni 8:16)

While fear, treasure, and love are powerful motivators, they seem a less likely combination when they are restated as fear, hope, and charity. If we take Paul at his word, and we are ready to find a better way, then it is time to replace fear with faith and rely on faith, hope, and charity instead. In preparation to meet the Lord, Paul counsels, “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” (1 Corinthians 13:12-13)

Similar to looking through a glass darkly, the veil that is placed over our minds is to test our faith, not our fear. The meaning behind our circumstances is veiled and slowly revealed one clue at a time, according to our faithfulness and capacity to apply spiritual things. Like watching the main character in a story, it is easy to judge and offer suggestions on how to live these principles. Yet, when we are in the story ourselves, overcoming our fears is one of the biggest obstacles we face. Perhaps the only challenge that is more difficult is getting to the point where we do everything out of love and not fear.

If we wish to cast out all fear, Mormon tells us how to obtain the gift of charity. “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ….” (Moroni 7:48) When we seek this gift, the Lord will expand our capacity to love and feel love. He will help us to love one another as He loves us. As we pray for charity, His love will push out the fear in our heart, which will make room for greater faith. As our faith grows brighter and brighter, the veil becomes thinner and thinner.

Just like a good story, we should expect a certain amount of conflict in our lives. Good days and bad days alike are punctuated with opportunities to find a different approach to familiar problems. As we learn to replace our fear with faith and in turn act out of love, we stop fighting the trials that make us stronger. Instead, we tap into a power that is much greater than our own, which allows us to face our fears head on. When we live and love as the Savior did, the parables of our lives begin to make more sense. The meaning behind difficult experiences is unveiled and our hearts are made whole again.

So what makes a good story? Perhaps it is fear and treasure in the beginning, but it is love that makes a perfect ending.


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