Trials Felt

How appears the apparition, that seemingly passes by,
To others who look and cannot see the reasons why I cry?
Its verity feels like bedrock, a forever burden borne,
With weight’s encumbrance given to bear alone and lorn.

In the middle of my own, I see another’s fear,
But not the force that’s hidden, causing him to veer.
I watch as burden buries heart, not knowing how long he’ll wait,
Or just how much the toll exacts to pass through sorrow’s gate.

Often worse are trials which, for others, go unseen,
For few will pause to help and answer what they mean.
I wish to see differently when the trial is not my own.
Perhaps I, too, can share his burden so he is not alone.

If I look past apparent, and the apparition that is bleak,
I hope to find more knowledge and gain the peace I seek.
Whether trial by fire or endless dark, it’s time I wait upon,
To learn the lessons that I need, and then my trials are gone.

Trials give us focus, when there’s nothing else to see,
Until we look right through them to what we’re meant to be.

A Sound Marriage (or, More Thoughts on Differences)

I can’t think of “making beautiful music together” without remembering Looney Tunes’ Pepe Le Pew from Saturday morning cartoon fame. Growing up, I watched this ill-fated skunk continually look for a willing recipient of his devotion and passion. Quite often it was a black cat with a white stripe painted down her back by some unfortunate mistake, causing Pepe to think that she was his perfect match. Sadly, his reek was a difficult difference to get over. Regardless of how good his intentions were, he seldom had any success in his relationships of devotion.

Many couples face the same challenge as Pepe, especially after they have been married for some time. In most marriages, the challenges are not one sided. Each partner may have a difference that the other has to manage. At the risk of being cliché, I hope to share some additional thoughts about marriage, differences, and music. The notion of making music together in a marriage has merit, especially when we consider the theory behind both music and marriage.

Some things sound good, and some things are sound. While similar words are used to describe a particular quality, they may not describe the same relationship. Occasionally I will hear of a marriage that sounds like it may not last. In a few instances the opposite is true – the relationship sounds too good to be true. What truly makes a difference is not what I hear, but how sound the relationship really is.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a musician, you may be more of a musician than you think if you have learned how to manage differences in your relationship. If the opposite is the case, here is some theory that might help.

Unison
Singing in unison is one of the most common expressions of music. Not everyone plays a musical instrument, but I personally don’t know anyone who can’t sing a round of “Happy Birthday” on occasion. Most people know the melody and will join in the celebration of a friend or family member without much coercion. Culturally, it’s just what we do. It’s expected. Singing the same notes as someone else is the easiest way to express music together.

In marriage, being on the same page, or in agreement, is also what we expect culturally. It is beautiful when two people make a decision to follow a certain path and stay together in a long-term commitment. They find a way to sing the same notes by spending time and sharing things in common with each other. Not only do they live together and love together, they make a commitment to work out their differences, for better or worse. The happiest and healthiest marriages I have seen are usually a result of two people who are willing to put self as a second priority to their marriage. There is a great deal of unison in their lives.

Harmony
Having sung in numerous choirs throughout my life, I love harmony. I love the fact that multiple individuals can sing different parts to contribute to an overall effect. As varying musical notes are arranged to compliment each other, they create chords that blend and sound good. The result is harmonious and pleasing. Combined, the various notes are able to create a richer and fuller effect than can be achieved by singing in unison alone. Some harmonies are tight, and others are loose. Different methods are employed by composers to achieve different effects.

Harmony in marriage is easiest to achieve when a couple blends their efforts for a common purpose. Recognizing that we can have unity without requiring each other to sing in unison can provide richer experiences. In this instance, differences of taste, interest, and opinion, can provide more opportunity to experience all the good that life has to offer. Each person can then share the parts their spouse may be most interested in. They key is to make sure that there is a consistent melody to blend with. Common goals, balanced effort, and the opportunity to share and exchange are critical to making a marriage work.

As other parts are added to the marriage duet – and this may be the inclusion of children, other family members, or even close friends – the key to maintaining a harmonious marriage relationship is to stick with your melody. A melody in this case may simply be the decision to get married and be faithful. If another part of your life becomes so dominant that the melody is no longer recognizable, the ability to sing in harmony is left up to chance. That is a precarious place for a marriage to be, and it could jeopardize the relationship. On the other hand, what an incredible experience it is when multiple parts are combined to emphasize the beautiful melody of a sound marriage. As these parts compliment the musical theme, they can further enhance a marriage that might be strong on its own.

Symphony
In the case of a symphonic orchestra, an elaborate composition of three or more movements is performed by a large number of string, wind, and percussion instruments. Each group of instruments will typically have a different role to play in the composition. The violins will play different notes than the cellos or basses. Their rhythm may also be different. Flutes, trumpets, and clarinets offer a different feel and mood than the stringed instruments. The addition of a piano, drums, and cymbals can add energy and emphasis to a strong musical theme. Alone, they would not accomplish the same result, but together they portray a story with broader range and depth.

Outside relationships can also have a profound effect on the success of a marriage. While these also add depth and energy, a symphony requires a conductor to lead, pace, and keep a good balance. In this instance, a musical theme is more important than a single melody. Life becomes more and more complicated as I introduce other parts and instruments to my life. In order to keep proper balance, I rely heavily upon my conductor to lead me. God is our conductor. He is always willing to direct us if we will watch and follow.

Dissonance vs. Cacophony
Some of my favorite music has parts that aren’t very harmonious. The music has character, depth, and feeling, but it doesn’t always make me happy. Sometimes the music doesn’t seem either comforting or pleasing. Instead it is dissonant. Chords seem incongruous; they lack agreement or consistency, or they are harsh and unsettling. In a musical composition, this is often used to create certain moods, or a deliberate tension that builds just before resolution. The dissonance can last for a few notes, or for an entire movement. The use of major and minor keys can influence the way we feel about a musical theme, as well as aid in telling a story. Without some sort of resolution to compare the dissonance with, it may be mistaken for cacophony.

I don’t know that I would recommend looking for dissonance in a marriage relationship on purpose. Differences seem plentiful enough without having to look for more. At the same time, I don’t know that I would fear the music, just because a few measures are incongruous or unsettling. Dissonance in marriage doesn’t mean that the marriage is bad or failing. It simply means the relationship is in some need of resolution. My resolution has more to do with me being resolute in sticking to my melody or musical theme than it does with having a perfect marriage. Yes, dissonance may have an associated mood that is hard to overcome, that is unless there is a conscious effort to resolve differences.

As a couple works through their issues of dissonance, something is needed to bring them back together again. Singing in unison is one way to do this. The results are easier to predict when a couple is doing the same things together. This may be especially helpful when partners want to fix their problems, but smaller efforts haven’t seemed to work. In many cases, however, unison may not be required. Mere acknowledgement of the melody or musical theme may be enough to get the couple back in harmony. A decision of what key to perform in will help. If one partner is playing a major key, and having a very positive experience, while the other is playing a minor key and is not receiving the same benefit, dissonance will turn to distance until the matter is resolved. Failure to be resolute in keeping covenants or commitments of loyalty will leave the couple in a state of cacophony.

Fidelity
Some musical performances are worth repeating again and again. Back by popular demand, a musician may repeat a show, or the performance may be recorded so that it can be enjoyed as often as a listener wants to play it. Fidelity in this sense refers to the quality of the recording, or the degree of accuracy to which the recording reflects the original performance. If the sound quality is diminished, there is less fidelity in the recording. If the best instruments and tools are used to record the performance, the music can achieve high fidelity. Hi-fi performances are much more valuable than music that diminishes over time.

A married couple looking for ways to create a hi-fi marriage would do well to employ the best instrument possible, namely the heart – the truer the heart, the greater fidelity in marriage. Strict observance of covenants, not just in actions, but also in intent, will help a couple to remain faithful to their original commitments of marriage. It will help them stay true to the feelings and emotions that brought them together in the first place.

Prior to the advent of the digital age, analog recordings could be damaged and altered if a record was scratched or a cassette tape was stretched. The music was no better than the means to record it. Similarly, marriage is no better than our methods to protect it and maintain its definition. Remaining loyal to our initial commitment and investment of marriage is a choice. If we maintain our choice each day, keeping it free from scratches or distortion, it will not only retain its value, it will increase in value because that kind of fidelity is less and less common in society.

Fidelity in this case does not only refer to sexual purity, but purity of thought, and intent. If covenants are made to honor, support, and love a marriage partner with a fullness of heart, anything that diminishes that level of commitment also diminishes the fidelity of that marriage. Alternates and substitutes can begin to eclipse the marriage relationship which result in distortion and failed fidelity, even when no serious transgressions are evident.

In some cases, the original commitment of marriage may seem damaged beyond repair. A weakened relationship may require re-mastering to get back to the original quality. There are ways to fix these types of challenges, but it requires the efforts of both marriage partners to accomplish. Usually it also requires a deep faith in God, and a willingness to include Him in maintaining the relationship as well. With God, nothing shall be impossible.

The pursuit of high fidelity requires an honest look at the influences we allow into our lives. Simply put, differences, interests, or outside influences that detract from or weaken a marriage relationship keep that most important relationship from being what it could be. While it may not be wrong, it prevents the married couple from having high fidelity and limits the potential of the relationship. In contrast, outside influences that improve a marriage relationship could also be deemed to improve fidelity. A couple seeking a celestial marriage with eternal increase should not settle for an acceptable relationship. Their goal should be higher, always looking for ways to improve their fidelity at greater and greater levels.

I believe it is important to maintain a constant evaluation of your marriage. Some relationships only sound good, and some relationships are sound. Part of being sound is being true – true to each other and true to your covenants. A sound marriage is one where both partners work through differences in marriage by finding ways to return to each other. It’s all about sticking to your melody and maintaining high fidelity. Finding ways to stay true to the theme you started with makes the best music.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

What's the Difference?

Marriage was the main topic du jour recently as I sat in a small park with a friend. We had found a comfortable place to discuss an aspect that is sometimes a little uncomfortable. He described the memories he was happiest with in his marriage, as well as parts that were troubling. Most of these were needs-based. Sounds like most marriages, right? Occasionally the sweet is mixed with a little bitter? As he talked about his interests, and how he and his wife differed on several points, I recognized some familiar themes.

This conversation caused me to reflect on an old TV commercial from my childhood. A well known soft drink company advertised a simple taste test to help sell their product. The comparison of two different drinks required a taster to determine which drink was preferred based on taste alone. Though one drink may have tasted better than the other, I think the commercial was a bit biased as it highlighted the results favoring the soft drink paying for the commercial. Though expected, the bias is not very helpful if you are trying to improve a marriage. It’s really helpful to have both perspectives.

While I feel I have a great marriage, Liz and I also have some differences that are pretty common in most marital relationships. When taste testing our personal differences, I find that some of our differences taste good and some don’t. Many of our differences are so small it’s hard to tell the difference at all. We simply have the same taste, or you might say we just have a lot in common. Most of the time, this works to our advantage.

In a few cases, our personality traits are so varied that the differences are stark. If we are not careful, these differences can result in a contest to see which trait tastes better, or which one will come out as a dominant factor in making decisions for the two of us. I like to think that we take turns winning, or conceding, but you’ll have to confirm that with Liz. So I ask myself, if some differences are good and some are not, what’s the difference? I think the answer is worth digging a little deeper for. There is a difference between our differences and the way we perceive them.

As I look at my relationship with my wife, I find that our strengths are quite often weaknesses, too. In reality, they are just traits that define who we are, each one with its own set of pros and cons. For example, Liz and I are both quite methodical and organized, which makes us very compatible as we solve problems together. Yet when we look at the detail of how we approach a problem, our differences become more apparent. Liz tends to be more logical and rational. I tend to be more intuitive. I’ve noticed that these personality traits also affect how we react to circumstances when our needs aren’t met. We each get grumpy, jealous, and dissatisfied for different reasons. Quite often, Liz’s reasons are more logical and mine are more emotional. How’s that for a stereotypical gender switch? If we are not careful, it is easy to miss each other’s needs because they are different than our own.

No matter how similar we are, or how similar our needs are, we are still different people with different experiences. Our roles, activities, and choices shape who we are as well as our needs. In addition to eating and sleeping, we each have interests that fuel us and give us energy. Finding room in our lives for some of these things is in keeping with the Thirteenth Article of Faith. “If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” (The Articles of Faith 1:13) I believe there is a lot of latitude here for personal interests.

While Liz and I spend time together, more regularly in the early morning and in the evening, our focus during the daytime is often quite different. Liz has a degree in Elementary Ed and spends more time volunteering in our children’s school classes. She takes a greater role in their education and extra curricular activities than I do. My background, on the other hand, is in art and design and I spend most of my time during the day developing architectural designs for various buildings.

As might be expected, many of our personal interests are related to the things we do most during the daytime. Liz enjoys sewing and is an excellent seamstress. She also loves scrapbooking. In my spare time, I find other creative outlets such as fine art and music. I also love running. While there are similarities to our favorite pastimes, and we are both project-oriented individuals, our projects and interests are often very different. As we gain more and more experience in our interests over time, it would seem that our interests could take us further and further apart. Yikes!

These simple differences can seem much greater when a couple fails to understand each other’s needs, especially those deeper than pastimes. I recently spoke with a couple who was having some challenges in their marriage. One was looking for more of an intellectual and emotional connection. The other was craving more expression of love through touch and affection. The couple had a difficult time relating to each other and their differences were growing. Sadly, neither of the two understood the other’s needs well enough to help. They were only getting one perspective on the taste test.

I find it interesting that the adage, “opposites attract,” is often true, but not always. There are enough instances to prove otherwise. Some opposites such as gender are very attractive. We each have talents and experience that compliment each other, which in turn enriches a relationship. On the other hand, differences such as work ethic, spending habits, and favorite pastimes may detract from and even divide a relationship, especially if they are not managed.

Whether you have a fairly strong marriage or one that is feeling pretty rocky, taking a closer look at differences in marriage can make all the difference in how you perceive your relationship. Expecting a mixture of similarities and differences is not only healthy, it’s realistic. It’s important to note that some differences are attractive and some are divisive. Some are complimentary and some are competing. But it’s not the difference alone that makes the difference. There is something about similarities and differences that make them positive or negative.

Beyond similarities and differences lies a deeper issue, namely, attraction. If we are attracted to a similarity or difference, we move closer to it. As this happens we are more likely to adopt and become like the trait that attracts us. What makes some traits attractive and others not? What type of incentives does it take to make a stronger relationship? An obvious conclusion is a clear benefit.

Quite often we see differences as good when there is a potential for some gain or opportunity. I can’t say I know anyone who develops a friendship so they can experience loss, or gets married so they can be miserable. Most relationships are based on some mutual benefit. In a marriage I believe the benefit needs to go both ways. The benefit may not need to be the same, but it should be mutual and proportionate.

Similarities are attractive for obvious reasons. Finding someone who thinks like you, acts like you, and feels like you is very validating. It feels good to know that someone else can relate. I don’t feel lonely or isolated when someone else thinks like I do. It adds strength to my resolve and passion to my interests. In this case, the greater the similarities, the greater the attraction.

Differences can be attractive for similar reasons. Finding someone who thinks like you, but knows more than you, can be uplifting and encouraging. Sharing with someone who thinks like you, but has found a different way to express it, can be inspiring. I am grateful for friends who can do more than I can when they are willing to teach me a new skill. I am enthused by others who can do something I can’t when I can also see the opportunity for personal growth.

When I am fearful of differences, it is usually for selfish reasons, or because I am feeling a need to be protective. Finding someone who thinks like I do, and who has the potential to take something I have worked hard for, can be terrifying. Sharing my opportunities with someone who may use them against me is threatening. I am leery of differences that could result in undesirable change or loss.

I also believe there are times we should be fearful of differences in marriage. These instances have everything to do with the heart and intent. Differences of themselves are nothing. It is only what we make of the differences or what we do with them that makes them good or bad. If a difference in interest, opinion, or want gains enough importance that my marriage relationship begins to decrease in priority then I am on dangerous ground. Such differences create unnecessary distance between a married couple. As that distance increases it becomes harder and harder to repair; thus the council from the Lord to love and cleave unto your spouse and none else. (Doctrine & Covenants 42:22)

The safest way I have determined to evaluate differences in marriage is to ask a few simple questions. Will this difference make me a better person? Am I being selfish, or is this something that will help me to accomplish more good? Will this difference strengthen my marriage or weaken it? Does my spouse agree with me?

Earlier I suggested that there is a difference between our differences and the way we perceive them. Understanding this can help us to manage all of our differences in marriage. As I have looked closer, here is what I have found:

• We each decide whether differences will be attractive or divisive. It is a personal choice. No one decides that for us.
• Differences can be managed with mutual understanding and cooperation. Both spouses can shape whether or not their differences will be divisive by having a common focus. Making sure that each other remains the primary focus in the relationship, and not their differences, will help increase their unity.
• Taste is a personal preference, and our taste can change. Some differences can be an acquired taste. Trying to understand our spouse’s perspective gives us a taste of who they really are. We don’t have to swallow everything, but a taste of something else that is good might open our hearts as well as our minds, especially when it comes to understanding each other’s needs.
• Differences are less dangerous when we are less selfish. The more I can move the focus from me to we, and still have my basic needs met, the more I become like the Savior.
• Overcoming our differences can be different than overcoming weaknesses. We may not need to get rid of our differences to overcome them. When we struggle to work through our differences, and we feel that we are making no progress, Father in Heaven is always willing to help if we turn to Him in prayer. This works best when we first turn our hearts.

There is one crowning principle pertaining to differences that will help us become more like the Savior. We are all members in the body of Christ. We have differences that make us stronger. The key is to make sure that our covenant relationships stay intact and preeminent.

The apostle Paul taught, “For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ. … For the body is not one member, but many. … And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? … But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. And if they were all one member, where were the body? But now are they many members, yet but one body. … God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked: That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it. Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.” (1 Corinthians 12:12-27) Paul then talks about gifts of the spirit, and of charity.

The Lord also revealed, concerning His gifts, "that ye may not be deceived seek ye earnestly the best gifts, always remembering for what they are given; For verily I say unto you, they are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do; that all may be benefited that seek or that ask of me, that ask and not for a sign that they may consume it upon their lusts. And again, verily I say unto you, I would that ye should always remember, and always retain in your minds what those gifts are, that are given unto the church. For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby. ... He that asketh in the Spirit asketh according to the will of God; wherefore it is done even as he asketh. And again, I say unto you, all things must be done in the name of Christ, whatsoever you do in the Spirit; And ye must give thanks unto God in the Spirit for whatsoever blessing ye are blessed with." (Doctrine & Covenants 46:8-12, 30-32)

Jesus is our head. As we take direction from Him, He will lead us back to the Father. If we are honest in our efforts to do so, the Holy Ghost will teach us how. The Holy Ghost will also sanctify our hearts and remove the impurities that make us selfish if we will yield to His enticings. As we choose to honor our covenants, and honor our spouses whom we have made those covenants with, then we will learn how to make our differences become attractive. We will find that we have more in common then than we did before.

Understanding these principles is a lot different than understanding our differences in marriage. For those seeking a celestial marriage, we should expect to be tested in all things, even in matters of taste. There is a difference between being one and being the same. I’m much happier when I understand the difference.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Mirrors and Oneness

Seeing someone in a crowd that reminds you of a friend or an acquaintance is not that uncommon of an experience. Perhaps it is because we are always looking, hoping for some sort of connection. More often than not, we are drawn to people who are most like ourselves because it gives us something in common that we can relate to. It gives us a foundation on which we can build and make more connections.

A couple of decades ago, I had an experience that seemed a little odd and unexpected. The situation was unique in that the occurrence had not happened before and has not happened since. I was at Disneyland with my parents and we were navigating a crowd of people near New Orleans Square to get in line for the next ride. As I was walking, I saw a maintenance worker dressed in white walking with a broom and dustpan. I stopped for a moment, taken aback. As I watched him, I thought to myself, “He looks just like me!” It was almost like looking in a mirror, or as close to it as I had ever experienced with a stranger.

Seeing this man caused me to ask some additional questions. “Do I walk that way? Is that how I look to other people? I wonder what he is like.” His appearance wasn’t identical but it was close enough that it had a strong effect on me. The image is still clear in my mind.

When you see a person who bears a resemblance to someone who is familiar to you, the type of relationship you have determines the reaction. If I were a criminal who had just robbed a store, recognizing someone may not be a good thing. Instead of hope, I might have pangs of fear. But, if I were to see a close friend that I hadn’t seen for many years, I may wish to become reacquainted. Had I been the robber, I may have been relieved to find out the person was not the security officer I expected. Or, seeing the person I thought to be my friend, I might be disappointed that the resemblance was only that, and not the actual acquaintance. Still, the memory of that friend may warm my heart with gratitude, if only in remembrance. It may also give me reason to look a little more.

Generally, I believe we tend to find what we are looking for. There are exceptions to this rule as we happen upon something wonderful that is unlooked for. Call it serendipity or providence, I believe there is room for both and they are usually discernable. Yet, if we have faith in God, I believe we tend to look for the fruits of our faith. We expect good things to happen. If we are watching, we will recognize more of God’s influence in our lives, and we will have more to be grateful for. This is one case where believing is seeing.

Separate from appearances, there are other times when I happen to meet someone in the crowd of humanity that seems very familiar. In many ways our meeting is like looking in a mirror. We may not appear the same, have similar genetics, or even be the same gender, but there is something else, deeper than appearances, with a striking resemblance. Almost instantly, something resonates clearly and I am left to ponder why. I can’t say I have lots of answers, but I am very grateful for those connections. I have found those associations to be powerful and beautiful.

When you see a person who more than resembles someone you know, and is someone you know, the type of relationship you have with that person also determines the reaction. Quickly we make a judgment. “Is this someone I want to engage in conversation or avoid? Do I have pangs of fear, or do I want to become reacquainted? Is this relationship more meaningful or less meaningful?” I don’t believe there are right or wrong answers, but our answers reveal much about our hearts. It is easier to want to be with people with whom you feel you share something in common.

Since my heart is the truest indicator of who I am, it is my heart that I want to purify. I want to be my best self and not just a shadow of what I can be. I want to take out the trash rather than collect it. The air is much fresher to breathe and I am at ease when I am not surrounded by garbage that builds up over time. I can put many things in my heart – be it fear or faith, love or anger, pride or humility – but once those things are there, they are not easily removed. All matter has gravity, and while the gravity of the earth is strong, I believe gravity of the heart is stronger.

A mirror can be quite useful. It gives a reflection of who we are and what we are like, at least on the outside. Like our hearts, a mirror is very revealing. It shows our admirable qualities and our blemishes. It is not always easy to take the full package and say, “It is what it is.” True, I am what I am, but it is also true that I can change. Even a mirror will show that much over time.

Emotions we associate with our mirrors can also speak volumes about our hearts. Some may love to look in a mirror to admire their own qualities. Some may look in the mirror for hours to improve how they appear. Others may be afraid to look at their reflection because they know what they will see, wishing they were different. Some may not be satisfied with what they see and yet do not feel empowered to change. Some may choose to look at a mirror with indifference, believing there are more important things than self. They are neither enamored nor afraid. Occasionally it may happen that some will look in the mirror and just be grateful. I suspect there are days in which we all look at our hearts they way we look at mirrors with a variety of emotions and expressions. A mirror is a funny place for pulling faces.

The concept of self is an interesting paradox. It is helpful to know where you are to know where you are not. We need to acknowledge self enough to be aware, but not so much that we are distracted. If I have some sense of where my heart is by how my desires are reflected in my actions, I can determine where I need to change. But, if I focus on myself too much in the mirror, I will also miss the import of what needs to be cleaned up. The heart is an excellent place to examine the qualities and blemishes of our intent. This leads me to a probing question, “As a disciple of Jesus Christ, how can I use my heart and my mirror to help me lose self?” A mirror used to see myself is less useful than a mirror that is used to see the Savior.

The prophet Alma, after having taught about being spiritually reborn, offers a few important questions to consider. Speaking of the Lord he asked, “Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? ... I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands? I say unto you, can you look up, having the image of God engraven upon your countenances?” (Alma 5:14, 19) In order to be a true disciple and be spiritually reborn, we must tie our actions to our faith. Our intent will be reflected in what we do. More importantly, this change of heart cannot be temporarily received, it must be engraved if we hope to keep it. Thus if we look in the mirror and begin to see the Savior, Jesus Christ, reflected in our hearts, our intent, and our actions, we can know that a mighty change is beginning to increase our faith. This is the start, or the birth, of our spiritual growth.

Just as spiritual rebirth begins in the heart, spiritual growth continues to flow from the heart. It is the heart that needs to be mirrored. Losing self can be best accomplished by reflecting the will of God in our own will. As we change our hearts and our desires to match His, we become one with God. Jesus prayed for this as He met with His apostles at the Last Supper. Speaking to the Father, He said, “And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth. Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.” (John 17:19-21)

Speaking of the prophet Enoch and his people, Moses said, “And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness….” (Moses 7:18) If we wish to be among the Lord’s people, we need to bridle our desires and our passions and align them with the Lord’s will. When we learn to control the instruments for personal revelation – the mind and the heart – and direct them towards the Lord, then we grow spiritually. It is then that we become one with God.

The Lord revealed this same principle to Joseph Smith, speaking of our focus. He said, “And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things. Therefore, sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.” (Doctrine & Covenants 88:67-68) If we will turn our eyes, and our hearts, so that they are single to God’s glory, he will fill our souls with light. As we are filled, the light will chase the darkness from us. The Holy Spirit will be able to sanctify our hearts just as Jesus prayed. When that mighty change is complete, when we see Him, we will be like Him, because His image will be graven in our countenances.

Paul also taught, “If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, … fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let … each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” (Philippians 2:1-4)

So much depends on love. Dieter F. Uchtdorf recently taught, “Love is what inspired our Heavenly Father to create our spirits; it is what led our Savior to the Garden of Gethsemane to make Himself a ransom for our sins. Love is the grand motive of the plan of salvation; it is the source of happiness, the ever-renewing spring of healing, the precious fountain of hope.

“As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.” (You Are My Hands)

If we wish to become like Jesus, then we must be willing to love like Jesus. We can lose “self” by loving people as our “self”. Then my purpose for looking in the mirror is not to see how becoming I am, but to see how I am becoming like the Savior Jesus Christ.

More often than not, we are drawn to people who are most like ourselves because it gives us something in common that we can relate to. As we draw near to the Savior, we have much more in common with those who are not like us because we begin to feel His love for them. It’s His love that we share in common. Then, as we look in the mirror, hopefully we see less of our own selves and more of His image.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Wonderful Equations

I have some fond memories of practicing my times tables in elementary school. I don’t know that math was my favorite subject (it always took a back seat to art), but the work came fairly easy to me. I remember taking timed quizzes with a sheet of paper, a clear transparency piece of plastic, and a felt tip pen. I thought the pens were cool. The sheet of paper had a large set of small equations. The transparency was placed over the paper to write the answers that could easily be cleaned with a small tissue. Then we could take the same quiz over and over until we had mastered the problems.

The initial concept of multiplication was difficult only when it was new. From there the math got better and better. The more I learned, the more it became easier and more powerful. Understanding banished fear and replaced it with confidence. I was no longer reciting trivial information for a quiz. My new understanding allowed me to use mathematics to figure out solutions.

Following multiplication I learned division, fractions, decimals, and percentages. I advanced to algebra and found that I enjoyed the more complex math problems with variables. It was fun to see that there was more than one way to solve a problem and still arrive at the same solution. I learned that equations were constant and didn’t change. If they did change, it was usually me that was wrong, not the problem. An equation, simply put, is the combination of some number of things that equals or equates to something else. If the comparison between two things is not equal, it is not an equation. Such a comparison is said to be false, or not true.

Not quite as true to my studies as I should have been, I remember one occasion in intermediate school where I got into trouble. The concepts we had been studying in algebra were very clear to me and I felt like I could move a little faster. So I spent my time in class pushing ahead with upcoming assignments (yet another example of my preference for speed.) Things were going well until I got to a concept that I didn’t understand. I went to my teacher and explained my confusion. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been, but I was a little surprised by his reaction.

“I don’t want to teach this twice,” he said. “You will have to wait until the class catches up if you want me to explain this.” He may have been hurt that I wasn’t paying attention to his lessons, and rightfully so. Being a bit deflated, I took his suggestion to heart and decided to wait. In the meantime, I pulled out my deference to art and began to draw pictures during algebra. The problem came when the class did catch up and I no longer had any interest in redirecting my attention. After all, I was having a great time. Why spoil things? You can imagine that the lack of work, and interest, in the second half of the quarter didn’t do anything to help my grades. In fact I almost didn’t pass. I think it was the worst grade I ever had.

Another poor grade came in college while taking calculus. By that time, I had mastered algebra, geometry, and trigonometry. Unfortunately there were a different set of odds against me. I had just gotten engaged to my lovely bride; it was April and I had spring fever; my class was first thing in the morning and wasn’t very appealing; and lastly, I had a teacher that I didn’t relate to very well.

My calculus teacher was actually a TA, or a teacher’s assistant. I’m sure he knew his stuff very well, but I had a hard time receiving the baton in the relay of information. Class usually consisted of him writing extremely long equations, one after another, on a chalk board for us to copy. Once in a while he would turn partially toward the class and ask, “Any questions?” When there were no questions, he would resume his notation on the board. Those were not wonderful equations for me. Somehow I got through it and look back at that time with a different fondness, just not for the equations or the class.

Since that time, I have discovered some wonderful equations that are worth noting. Different from most equations, they don’t make a lot of sense mathematically. Yet they have been very important discoveries in my life, and they do equate quite well. Take a look.

Equation 1: 1 x 1 = 7

Equation 2: 1 + 1 = 1000

Equation 3: 2 = 1

Equation 4: 1 + 1 + 1 = 1

At this point, you are probably wondering just how much I learned about math in school, and who passed my grades. Granted, I have taken some liberties here. The equations might actually be written differently if you are orthodox in writing mathematical expressions. But these equations help me state my point clear enough.

Equation 1 represents my family. My wife and I were married and decided to have children. We started with the addition equation of 1 + 1 = 2 and traded it for multiplication. We ended up with five more. You could also argue that 1 + 1 + 5 = 7, but that is too straightforward. Five couldn’t have happened without 1 x 1, which in this case does not equal 1. This particular equation has been one of the most significant of my life. I love my wife dearly, and we love our children. I often say, “My family is my profession, and my occupation just supports it.” I profess this equation wholeheartedly. It has brought me so much happiness, and keeps multiplying. If I were to substitute words for numbers, I could also say that family times love equates to happiness. I’ll let you be the judge for your own family equation.

Equation 2 represents friendship. Consider what happens when two people who think alike combine similar ideas. The result can be a thousand new ideas that are a thousand times stronger than the ideas of one person alone. I am starting to see a new equation that involves exponents, but I’ll let you use your own creativity to write that one. When ideas, feelings, and experiences are shared between friends, each one makes a connection. Each connection makes a friendship exponentially stronger. That is the power of exponents and friends.

Equation 3 represents revelation. It takes two things to receive one confirmation of truth, a pure heart and a clear mind. Thus 2 = 1, or 1 + 1 = 1. The Lord revealed to Joseph Smith, “Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart. Now, behold, this is the spirit of revelation….” (Doctrine & Covenants 8:2-3) Receiving inspiration in only one place does not follow the equation. If the equation changes, it is usually me that is wrong. I am grateful for inspired checks and balances.

Another example of this equation is marriage – two people who become one in many, many ways. Consider the instruction that followed the Biblical creation of the world. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) When a husband and wife become one, not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and in every way possible, they become a very strong “one.” The stronger the relationship, the greater potential there is for happiness.

Equation 3 can also be used to describe the people of Zion. “And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them.” (Moses 7:18) When our hearts and minds – the instruments for revelation – are one with God, we find true unity. Few things can compare in beauty as a soul that is one with God.

The final equation, number 4, is the most significant of those I have listed. It is a variation on Equation 3, but it is more complete. For me it represents perfect unity between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

While they are one God, each has a different role. God, our Father, is the almighty being whom we worship. He grants us blessings and answers our prayers as we pray in faith in the name of His Son. Through Jesus Christ, the Father created all things. He created us in His image.

Jesus Christ was born on this earth to take upon Him our transgressions and redeem us from both sin and death. As we exercise faith in Him, His teachings, and His sacrifice, it is possible for us to return to the presence of the Father. Because Jesus paid the price for our sins, He is also our advocate with the Father.

The apostle John recorded the teachings of Jesus regarding His role and the role of the Father. It is because of their unity that we can have perfect faith in Jesus. He said, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise.” (John 5:19)

“Then said Jesus unto them, When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then shall ye know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things. And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.” (John 8:28-29)

“I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.” (John 5:30)

“And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.” (John 6:40)

Jesus demonstrated perfect unity with the Father by submitting His will to
Him. Jesus did only that which He was taught, and He did so for His Father’s Glory. In so doing, Jesus became the Father. He was given the power and authority of the Father, and His atonement allowed us a resurrection and rebirth spiritually. By subjecting His will to the Father, Jesus became one with Him. Before making His eternal sacrifice, Jesus prayed to the Father that all this might be done so that we might also become one with Him.

To make this possible, Jesus taught that He and the Father would send us the Holy Ghost to teach us. “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” (John 14:26)

“But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me….” (John 15:26)

“Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. He shall glorify me: for he shall receive of mine, and shall shew it unto you.” (John 16:13-14)

Because the Holy Ghost, like the Son, does nothing but the will of the Father and the Son, we can trust Him completely. He will guide us and show us the way. As we submit to His promptings, the Holy Ghost will teach us how to submit our will to the Son, thus submitting our will to the Father. This is the only way for us to return to God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, which is one eternal God.

Here then is the beauty of a new equation. 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 1. When we are willing to yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and become a saint through the atonement of Christ, we become one with God. Then, each time we successfully reach out to others and encourage them to believe in God, have faith and repent, and then submit their will to God, we add another 1 to the left side of the equation. It is the will of God that all of His children be one.

Just as my math took a back seat to my interest in art – or the things I valued more – so should we put our own interests on the back seat in deference to the things of God. There is no other way for us to become one unless we are willing to do what Jesus did. The initial concept may be difficult when it is new, but as we practice we will have greater confidence in our ability to follow God. Fear will be replaced with understanding. Practicing the same quiz over and over will help us to master the problem.

There are some mathematical equations that always make sense on paper. They look right and they are logical. Other equations may not make sense during a time of trial or temptation, but they are still real. If we trust in these wonderful equations – particularly those that are designed to make us one with God – then our efforts to do so will equate to lasting happiness. God will not let us down, and He will not lead us astray. He is always willing to help us with our math if we let Him.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Friends

Looking back at the milestones that mark the past several months, I can say without hesitation that this year has been unparalleled by any other year in my life. 2009 has been the year of amazing friendships. Uniquely, so many started because of the Savior, Jesus Christ. Even He seems much closer than ever before. This is a year that I will always cherish and never forget. Perhaps that is because these friendships have come after a lifetime of seeking.

Growing up, I always wanted a best friend. Everyone else seemed to have one. My circumstances seemed a little different than most because the friends I saw at school during the week were different than those I played with in the neighborhood. And those friends were different than the ones I saw at church on Sunday. That had a lot to do with living at the edge of an elementary school boundary and living at the edge of a congregational ward boundary with a little sliver of cross-over territory shared between the two. It was sort of a no-man’s land. The girl next door was a great friend for a lot of years until it was cooler for girls to play with girls and boys with boys. Still, she is a friend of mine to this day. We had everything in common way back when.

The need for friends didn’t change as I got older, but only increased. There is such a power in finding someone else who thinks like you do, who feels like you do, and who shares the same things in common. I think we all want to trust and be trusted, to love and feel love in return. That need is a powerful motivator. It is also not without a counterpoint growing up.

Becoming a teenager is really an awkward thing to do. It feels strange and it is strange. I know very few people who didn’t feel that way at some point. At that age, most teenagers lack confidence and connection. Almost overnight a change occurs where the need for friends becomes stronger than the need for family. As uncomfortable as that age may feel, I think this desire is really a divine gift Father gives to His children to prompt them out of the comfortable nest of security and into adulthood. It motivates each of us to grow up a little.

Now that I have a couple of sons approaching that age, it is fun looking at the world through their eyes. I am glad they trust me enough to talk about their friends, their interests, and their attractions, namely girls. For all its ups and downs, that period of life results in tremendous growth. What I don’t think most teenagers realize (while they may know everything else) is that for the first time in their life, they are capable of that rapid growth. It is not by accident, but by design.

I realized a defining moment when I found that I was tired of being unpopular and I could do something about it. At that age I always felt that no one wanted to do things with me because they never asked. So I would stay home and feel sorry for myself. That all changed one day with an idea. “Maybe there are other people who are waiting for someone to extend an invitation like I am. Maybe they really are just like me.”

With that thought I picked up a phone and dialed a friend. (Back then, phones still had dials that clicked rather than buttons with digital tones.) He answered with a hello and I responded, “Hey, a group of us are going bowling, would you like to go?” He replied, “Sure. Who is going? I responded, “Well, right now, you and me, but I have a few more phone calls to make.” I didn’t see my comment as being dishonest. For the first time in my life, I was exhibiting a little bit of confidence in the future. That confidence paid off, and within the hour, there were more than a dozen of us who were included in a friendly game at the bowling alley. That idea, successfully proven, was about to gain momentum.

By the time I graduated from high school, I had some tremendous friends. For the first time in my life I knew what it was like to be so close that you could almost read each other’s minds. It was the closest I had ever come to being of one heart and one mind with someone else. I was fortunate to have really good friends – the kind that pressure you to do good things instead of things that are harmful. Many, many are still good friends. (In fact, you are probably a good number who are actually reading this blog. Cool.)

Attending the University of Utah gave me a new perspective on confidence. I realized that if you acted like you knew what you were doing (instead of being a lost freshman) that people just assumed you did. Better yet, they like being around you because of it. Confidence, if not overbearing, seems to attract other people because it offers some security. Funny thing, much like being happy, confidence is a choice. Deciding to be brave isn’t easy, but it isn’t as hard as it looks either. I am glad I have seen both sides, or I wouldn’t have believed it. My confidence grew and so did my group of friends. Having a little bit of confidence helped me for the next phase in my life.

Serving a two-year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Looking back, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I loved it, and I find I am often a little jealous of young missionaries who are just leaving home for the first time. I think the biggest reason is because of the friends I made.

Again, I found that there were a lot of people who were just like me. They were looking for something, but they were waiting around for someone to come find them. Unfortunately, they hadn’t figured out my little phone trick, and they hadn’t quite figured out what they were missing in life. It was such an amazing experience to share some of the things that have made me wonderfully happy in my life and see that they then became happy, too. But the best part was the relationships.

I recognized that after having a discussion about deeper things, especially things that are eternally true and yet very relevant to now, had a profound affect. One little taste and I was hooked. In a short period of a couple weeks, I found that I felt as close to some of my newest friends as I had to friends that I had known a good part of my life. I marveled at how that could be possible and I observed one common thread every time. When we talked about deeper things, we invited the Holy Ghost to bear witness of the truthfulness of the things that we said. That is His divine role, to testify of divine truths. When that happens, I think we get a reminder of what we felt when we lived in heaven before coming to this earth. It is as though we feel a little piece of home, and we long for it. We yearn for it. And then we crave to have that feeling in our life more and more. It was this feeling, the feeling of having a member of the Godhead included in a new friendship that created a powerful bond as deep as eternity.

Since then I have pondered on what I can do to be a better friend, and how I can be of most help to someone else. I suppose that is why, when I have a chance to share something, that I prefer to share the things that I value most. That is if I know the listening party is interested.

The next phase of my friendship development was meeting and marrying my wife. Though that makes it sound pretty quick it wasn’t quite that fast, but almost. It was here that I found my very best friend in the world. (Thanks, Liz.) I am a romantic at heart, and that part of our relationship has been wonderful, but there has been more that has made our relationship deeper. Together we learned to become one, to have one heart and one mind. I had a taste of that when I was younger, but only to a smaller degree in comparison. Together we found a strong unity that has been the glue in our marriage. Unity is power, and love is a great motivator. These alone should be motivation for finding one to whom you can be true and faithful. Fifteen years of marriage is just the beginning of a friendship we plan to last forever.

During our marriage, other friends have punctuated the paragraphs of our lives like a recurring theme or storyline. Just at the right moments we have had epiphanies of significant importance, and those friends have been there to help, encourage, and inspire. Many times they were there at the moment they were needed the most, in answer to prayer. It has been those friends who have helped to build a shed in the backyard or re-shingle a house. Those are the friends who have invited us to yet another barbeque on the patio or a surprise birthday party for another friend. We have played sports on the field and on the court. We have shared experiences, ideals, goals, thoughts, and prized moments. Without exception, the strongest of those relationships have also had one familiar thread – Father’s hand was in all of them. He brought us together, and He was the one thing we had most in common – He as well as His Son, and our Savior, Jesus Christ. The influence of the Holy Ghost has made all the difference in the feelings we feel when we share deep and significant things. These have been powerful relationships.

This year, however, the year of friendships, has been different. Beginning with a stage production of Savior of the World, where our family all had a chance to participate, my life began to change. Perhaps it had something to do with the role I had to play. Part of it may have been the way that others saw me in addition to what I felt myself. Part of it was definitely my focus on deeper things. Through the experience of thinking about the life and resurrection of Jesus Christ, His sacrifice and His atonement, as we rehearsed, sang, and performed, each of us knew Him a little better than before. Each of us wanted to know Him more than we had before. Most importantly, each of us learned what it meant to worship Him and to feel closer to Him. That is the most beautiful feeling I have ever experienced. Sharing that experience with many others who had the same desire was more powerful than anything else I have known. Love. Unity. Commitment. We felt these and an overwhelming feeling of closeness to God as we focused our lives on Him.

A beautiful thing happens at the Last Supper of our Lord before he offered Himself a sacrifice and ransom for all of us. It happens in the name he gives to His disciples because of their faith. Jesus said, “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.” (John 15:14-15) What an incredible statement of appreciation for the God of this world to speak to us and call us friend. What a privilege to have Him share that which He treasures.

With this new insight, I yearned like I never had before. I prayed for charity and to feel the love of God like I had not before. I was given new understanding and received according to my prayers. I was given new friends. The friends that I had before became more important to me, and closer, too. Some friends, unlooked for, became especially close. My own wife and children became greater friends and a greater strength to me. Other family members became closer to my heart. They have each been an answer to my prayers. Like Jesus said to his disciples, “that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. These things I command you, that ye love one another.” (John 15:16-17)

From friends I have learned to care more deeply. I have cared for more, and I have been cared for by many others. Yet, in spite of the increase, I have come to value relationships with individuals especially, one at a time. I have treasured the importance of “one” the most. There is strength in a group, but there is power in being one.

Interestingly I have found friends in unexpected places. I have renewed old acquaintances via the internet and social networks, and I have made new friends by accomplishing common objectives with strangers. I have even discovered friends among the homeless on the streets. With each, my heart has gotten wider with a desire to be one.

In His intercessory prayer, Jesus prays to the Father that his disciples may be one as He and the Father are one. He continues, “Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.” (John 17:11, 20-21) This is the path for all those who wish to be with Him in the celestial kingdom of our Father.

As I reflect on examples of friendship in the scriptures, my mind always turns to Jonathan, son of Saul, and friend of David. He was the heir to the throne of his father and yet he loved his friend more. The scripture says, “the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” While his father was the king, Jonathan’s loyalty was to David, because he saw that the spirit of the Lord was with him. Jonathan not only gave him his clothing and his robe, he risked his life repeatedly to save his friend. (1 Samuel 18:1-4) He cared not for the honor of a throne, but only of the honor of his friend. Jonathan understood deep and meaningful relationships. They were his treasure.

Friendships have become my treasure. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (3 Nephi 13:21) The deeper the friendship, the greater the treasure. I have been given many gifts this year, but friendship is the greatest of them all. I believe this is also because true friendship is charity, which never faileth. For those who have ever been a friend, I thank you. Your love and prayers have been a great strength. For you who have loved the most, I thank the most for a debt that I will never be able to repay. I have definitely been changed for the better.

Looking back on my childhood, and my desire for friends, I think I have come a long way. I have been blessed abundantly. Fortunately, I can still remember what it was like to want, to long, and to yearn. With that in mind, I now wonder, “Who is the next friend I will make? Are they disguised as a stranger or a beggar? Are they waiting around for someone to come find them? Where can I make a difference for someone else today?” Perhaps they are waiting to have a discussion about deeper things but have only yet to realize it. The only way to find out is to keep looking for friends. That is when discoveries are made.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Rocks and Raspberries

The situation started with me making a courtesy call and my wife thinking I needed to be rescued. I had been on a long bike ride and was feeling a little dehydrated. Realizing the time, and that we were supposed to be at a family birthday party soon, I decided to call my wife and let her know I was running late. What I didn’t know was that she was working on a surprise for me. We were about to celebrate our fifteenth anniversary the next day when I made the typical “guy” blunder of miscommunicating. Silly me. The short-of-the-long-of-it is that she came to pick me up, bike and all, so we could arrive together at the party.

I learned very early on in our marriage a principle that has secured me almost certain happiness. “The wife is always right.” While she and I jest about this regularly, I have seen a number of marriages that would have gone much smoother if the guy had only figured this out sooner. Well, I figured out something else that I will carry with me a very long time. It was significant enough that I asked Liz if I could quote her. I think she obliged me hoping that it might actually stick.

Where I really went wrong was in not expressing enough thanks to my wife for interrupting her plans to help me. We discussed the matter on the way home using very short sentences. The next day the subject came up again and she gave me some really good wisdom about gratitude. “Tell me once and it just registers. Tell me twice and I hear it. Tell me three times and it sinks in.” Now you know one of my weaknesses. Hopefully you can relate.

This new insight came while we were walking together on the longest hike that we have taken with just the two of us. It was very rewarding because we had a chance to share, and we were using longer sentences. We talked about ideas. We made top-ten lists of people we are closest to, or who have had the most influence in our lives. After fifteen years, we still had some unexpected answers. We have found that the more we talk, the deeper, richer, and more meaningful our conversations become. There are few things in life that I enjoy more.

Something else I enjoy, though not nearly so much, is raspberries. I think they are hands down my favorite fruit in the world. I keep telling my wife that one of these days I hope to drive to Bear Lake (which is famous for its raspberries) so I can buy a large flat and devour it very selfishly in one sitting. Well, in fifteen years it still remains on my list of things to do.

Earlier before our walk, Liz prepared a small breakfast that I carried in my backpack. It included some delicious fruit but, alas, no raspberries. Most of our hike was uphill to where an arched concrete bridge crosses a small waterfall. I had determined that we would stop for breakfast nearby in a little alcove where a spring emerges from beneath a large rocky grotto. The trees and plants make it very cozy and inviting. I have wanted to take my wife there for about four years since I first discovered this unique little place, but we had never managed to get there. Personally, I had been there many times as the location was also along one of my favorite running routes. However, this time was different.

We had reached the top of our ascent and I had planned to show Liz the grotto. That is when she said, “John, look.” I looked to the side of the path where she stood and realized that she had discovered wild raspberries. There were quite a few of them. Some bushes were low and some were higher up the hill. We decided to try our luck and found that these particular raspberries had a different taste than we had ever experienced before. It was, without surprise, a wilder flavor, and it varied slightly from bush to bush. Some were a little sweeter, to her liking, and some were tarter, to my liking. I stood there and marveled at how many times I had been there and had never noticed my favorite fruit. It was only when we were there together that we made the discovery. I think we both felt that raspberries were personal seashells that day. It was the start of a practically perfect day. We spent a lot more time that day in deep conversation. Though we didn’t spend a lot of money, it was a wonderful anniversary.

Conversation is not the only thing that becomes deeper, richer, and more meaningful as we communicate. Sharing is a significant part of any relationship. The more we share the more we connect, each connection strengthening the bonds between us. Relationships become deeper, experiences become richer, and life in full view becomes more meaningful.

As much as I like to eat raspberries, I really would be self-focused if that was all I expected to eat in a relationship. I certainly cherish the good times, and relationships that are dearest to me, but we don’t find the best berries without a small dose of rocks. The hike is so much more rewarding when we overcome the rocks of life together. We don’t have to chew on them. That just damages your smile. Rather we should negotiate the path to climb them, move around them, and eventually get past them. Once we conquer them, they become our trophies.

The prophet, Moses, identified the ideal society when he described the city of Enoch in Moses 7:18 as a people who “were of one heart and one mind.” I don’t know how we can achieve this state unless we are willing to share things in common and work out our differences. This takes a certain amount of negotiation around the rocks. A good relationship also benefits from faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, kindness, and charity, as taught by the apostle Peter in 2 Peter 1:4-11.

There are many in the world who would have us think that the rocks are not worth it. If you can’t find someone who can always deliver raspberries, then it’s time to move on. Really, that’s the difference between Hollywood and Reallywould. If I really would like to be happy, I have to be willing to take life for what it is and make it better – together.

Yesterday we experienced some different rocks. Some good friends of ours invited us to go tubing with their family. In some places, the stream we traversed had just enough water to let us go by in the tubes. I’ll confess that a couple of times, the combination of my size and the size of the rocks caused me to bottom out and get stuck, not to mention a little bruised.

At one point I was trying to help our youngest daughter negotiate the rocks when her tube capsized and she went underneath the shallow water. Her tube floated down stream before I could catch it. Placing her on my lap, we made another attempt at the stream. Again, she lost her balance, causing me to lose my balance, and we both went into the water. I found that trying to save a small girl from her presumed drowning in shallow water while standing on slippery rocks makes it very difficult to catch your tube as it, too, floats down stream. Once again, I found that “the wife is always right.” Liz had calmly collected our tubes, returned to meet us on the banks of the stream, and had come to rescue me again. Sometimes you just give in and say, “Life is good.”


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Savior of the World Production

Recently our family performed in a musical production called "Savior of the World." It was a tremendous experience for me and my family. Following are some of my thoughts regarding the experience:

For two weeks, now, I have been pondering the events, firesides, and rehearsals that led up to the production of Savior of the World. It has had a more powerful effect on me than I could ever have imagined. The collective experience has been one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. In the time that has followed, I have had a wide range of emotions – from grand elation to deep mourning. These emotions have been very close to the surface and have caused me to weep many times, both for sorrow and for joy.

I was quite surprised when I first looked at the initial cast list and discovered that I had been asked to play the role of the Savior. Nothing had been further from my mind. I had anticipated nothing more than being in the chorus with our family. While the part meant more involvement than I expected, it has been a wonderful gift.

Our family had initially decided to be in the production as a way to share a unique spiritual experience together. With the exception of our six-year-old daughter, we each participated in learning lines and music. We also had numerous discussions at home that focused on the topics we were rehearsing. Even though our youngest daughter, Anna, was not able to be in the play, she heard us singing the music enough that she knew most of the words herself. Life continued at home much as it always had, but there was a subtle difference. As we began to discuss the life of the Savior more, His light increased in our lives.

We were delighted to find that we were not unique in our experience. Each time we attended the Saturday chorus rehearsals, we made new friends who had similar stories. It was wonderful to meet so many good people from neighboring stakes. I was grateful to become better acquainted with members of my own stake. Each of us had come together to make words and notes on paper become a presentation of testimony and faith. As we worked to learn our parts, the seeds of unity were sown and they began to take root in our hearts. I believe those roots unknowingly intertwined with each other. We became stronger as we relied upon each other for help. We became happier as we found we shared something beautiful. I recognized the seeds of Zion, and longed for it.

I remember meeting for the first time the men who would play the roles of the apostles. We left a chorus rehearsal to act out a scene in an adjacent room. The setting was when Jesus called to them while fishing on the Sea of Galilee. There was no water or fish in that room, just a group of us casually appraising each other, not knowing what to expect. The distance that accompanies unfamiliarity soon left as we practiced our lines and worked together to learn our parts. Each rehearsal began to create a bond between us. I don’t remember which one of us noticed first, but I believe we each felt the influence of the Spirit as we visualized the scripture and tried to repeat the event. This feeling continued to grow until we realized that we felt much like one would expect to feel in the Holy Temple.

The scene where Jesus appears to Mary Magdalene has been one of my favorites from the start of this production. It is there that the hopes and expectations of prophets and saints for hundreds of years is suddenly realized and Mary becomes the first mortal witness of the resurrected Savior. The apostles were too close to the Savior to fully understand what he had taught them. They were too emotionally wounded to believe that he could actually have risen as he said he would. What took place was unprecedented.

The moment when Mary Magdalene recognizes the voice of he Lord and turns to meet Him is extremely significant to each of us. It is a point of realization that what He said is true. It is the point in our lives when we really see, not just with our eyes, but with our faith. He does live, and he will come just as he said. Just as Mary looks into the eyes of the Savior, each of us is meant to have an intimate experience where we turn and recognize the Lord. Each of us can embrace him without touching him. We can hold on to what he taught. We can remember him. Each of us can believe with our hearts and follow with our covenants.

Some of the most spiritual experiences I had did not happen on stage. They occurred back stage, in the green room, and in other unexpected places when I could have individual conversations with many of the cast members. It wasn’t only when we were acting. Those spiritual moments happened when we forged friendships that will bless my life forever. Largely because of the role I played, I felt a unanimous acceptance. I felt the support of everyone involved, and it was a great blessing to me. Then something really beautiful happened. When I put on the costume and the beard and played the part of the Savior, everything changed. Each of the cast would look at me, and yet they weren’t looking at me. For a brief moment in each performance, it was as though I had the privilege of representing everything they believed in. Those moments truly felt sacred. I felt such an outpouring of love for the Lord.

The feeling then continued on stage with Mary Magdalene, the apostles, and the disciples. They looked at me, and yet they were looking past me. It seemed as though they were no longer acting. Instead they were worshipping. It was the Lord, Jesus, they worshipped, even though it was a set on a stage. Since then I have thought much about the topic. I was taught volumes about worship because of what I saw and felt.

After our performances were concluded, a great loss settled in my heart. I experienced sadness like I had not for many years, and I marveled. “How is it possible that this experience could have such a profound effect upon my heart?” Not only had I come to depend on the Lord, I had come to depend on how I felt when we performed. I had come to depend on being with my friends. I had grown accustomed to the roots of unity that had intertwined between us. When it was over, and we could no longer act out the scenes together, there was an immense void. I can only imagine what those who were truly close to the Savior actually felt.

Through this experience, I learned to appreciate mourning more. I discovered that mourning can be a beautiful gift – it can be a reverence for that which we treasure. Mourning for something we no longer have can increase our capacity to live – to do what we need to do to again obtain the thing we have lost. I loved those who loved me, more deeply than I could have ever thought possible. It was so sincere and simple. Every time I think about it, I feel it grip my heart. I feel the sorrow of not being able to experience that feeling the same way again. I am also very blessed to have loved and shared.

For me the play was life changing. My life will be much better because of this experience. Because of what I felt, my heart became more sanctified. I felt a greater desire to remove the obstacles and impurities in my heart. Others came up to me and confided the same feelings, that this production was a great blessing in their lives. They had either experienced difficult times, or they did not feel as close to the Spirit before the play. The play changed that for many.
We reprioritized our lives for a brief time with extra emphasis on the Savior, his words, his life, and his message. Frequently we prayed to Father for His help. I believe the requests became deeper with each prayer, as did our gratitude. We prayed personally, as families, and together as a cast. We prayed in our hearts, continually, and relied upon the Lord. Our prayers were focused. Who can wonder that the answers to our prayers were so great? Everything else in our lives moved or adjusted to accommodate the Savior. This time, there was room at the inn. We made room.

I have found, after having such an amazing experience, that I want to mourn with those who are mourning over the absences of the spirit. I wish to rejoice with my friends over our experiences – because they happened. As I look at the events of the past year that led up to this production, I see the Lord's hand in it. He is doing his work, and he is kind enough to let us assist. I feel as though I have been given a private lesson on how to be a better shepherd. And now I will be. I am better prepared to feed his sheep, because I love Him, and because I love them.

If I could pick one day to live over and over again, it would be that last Saturday. Our preparations, our time together, and our performances made it a very special day. The spirit I felt that day was overwhelming, particularly in our last performance. I hope to never forget the feelings we shared that night.

I express my gratitude to each member of the cast, chorus, and crew for making this such a special and memorable event. I truly love you. Thank you, especially, for being my friend. You were all so wonderful to work with. I know in my heart that the message we shared is entirely true. I know that Jesus is our Savior and Redeemer, of whom we testified. As I pattern my life after His and seek His divine help, I feel His influence in every part of my life. That influence grows in my life as fast as I am willing to let it. It fills my heart and spills over through small acts of services. Because of the witness of the Holy Ghost, I know Jesus came. I also know he will come again. For him I will wait, and I will trust that he will keep his promises. May we all be faithful in our testimonies and the witness that was born to us through this production is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Flight from Independence

On a return flight from the Kansas City International Airport, I once found myself having a very peculiar conversation. The man I sat next to appeared to be about my age and well mannered. Little did I know when I boarded the plane that our families shared a colorful story on the frontier of the United States.

We started with the usual airplane small talk. I was going home and he was leaving it. We were both traveling on business. I mentioned that I was an architect and had been doing work in Independence, Missouri. He was in law enforcement. From the way things went, I would have predicted a rather short conversation. Things changed when I mentioned that three of my relatives were also in law enforcement. With a common thread, we spent the next hour and a half sharing experiences.

In the course of our conversation, my new acquaintance told me that his family had lived in Caldwell County, Missouri, for the last five generations. That caught my attention. I, too, had family who lived there several generations back.

We discovered in a few short minutes that our ancestors had very opposing views, and they were not afraid to show it. Animosity between them and others in the area escalated to a conflict known as the battle of Crooked River. My third-great-grandfather was one of the leaders in that unfortunate battle. Fortunately, neither of our families were wounded.

I thought it unique that the two of us were sitting together, realizing that our grandparents had tried to kill each other, and we were okay with that. There were no grudges or awkward feelings, just a mutual understanding. I think we both acknowledged that there are better ways of solving disputes.

The Savior once instructed his disciples, “If ye are not one, ye are not mine.” I believe this direction goes beyond just removing barriers. It means making an effort to love and appreciate others, not just tolerate them. I find the more I know about someone, the easier it is to like them, and forgive them.

Knowing someone and knowing about them are two different things. I can learn about someone from a second hand source, but my impressions are often incorrect or incomplete. Knowing someone, however, requires direct interaction and exchange. It usually involves a little more time and effort. I feel it brings me closer to being “one” as the Savior described.

I’ve since gained a greater appreciation for looking at things from someone else’s perspective, especially if they are at odds with me. The ability to do so, and at least appreciate their view for what it is, is essential in breaking down walls that divide us. Each story has two sides, and often more. This man’s family obviously had a very different point of view from mine, but I couldn’t say that they were wrong. Our conversation certainly didn’t change my beliefs, but it did change my understanding. I had a more complete picture to reference.

Following our conversation, the man and I said goodbye and we have not seen each other again. The memory, though, is clear. I am especially glad that we found a common thread for a discussion. Sometimes that’s all it takes.