Something Worth Sharing

A little over seventeen years ago I sat in the Celestial Room of the Oakland Temple in California. I had just attended a worship service and was waiting to meet some friends I had not seen in a long time. I will never forget the excitement I felt as they gradually entered the quiet room. Familiar feelings accompanied familiar faces. It was a beautiful moment.

 

The Bacons were the real reason I was there. I met this couple and their two boys when a missionary companion and I were asked to tell them about our beliefs. We shared with them a message about the eternal nature of families and how the gospel of Jesus Christ could help them. Since the time we first met, they decided to be baptized and were confirmed members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One year later they wanted to have their marriage sealed in the Holy Temple. I was there to see it.

 

That particular Saturday is very special to me. It was the last weekend of the mission I served for my church. The fact that I could attend a temple sealing for the Bacons was a crowning point. Being there in the Temple that day was truly a highlight.

 

In contrast to the excitement I felt for my friends, I also felt some anxiety and sadness. While I wanted to see my family again, I didn’t want to leave all the people I had come to love. I knew that I was about to be separated again for a very long time.

 

The next day I attended church with the congregation not far from my apartment. I continued to have mixed feelings. During the meeting I thought about the unique experiences I had had and the friends I had made. I was overwhelmed and I began to cry. My heart was full of gratitude. In that moment I felt the worth of what I had to share.

 

The teachings of the Savior Jesus Christ have brought me so much joy, more than anything else I have ever experienced. When these blessings are coupled with someone to share them with, they become so much greater. In that moment of sharing, I feel blessed, and the person I share with is also blessed. In a couple of short weeks it was possible for me to feel as close to a new friend as I had with someone I had known my whole life. I attribute that to the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

 

Of all the experiences I have had, the events at the end of my mission are memories I will never forget. I also observed three things:

• It is so rewarding to share when someone is hungry for what you have to offer, especially when what you have to share has great worth.
• The presence and influence of the Holy Ghost can enhance and enrich any relationship, and very often makes it stronger and more binding.
• Living your life in such a way that you can meet friends and family in the presence of God is worth any sacrifice.

My experience in the temple that day became a powerful reminder to me. When I think of my friends who gradually entered the Celestial Room of the temple, and when I remember leaving them again at the end of my mission, I can’t help but think of another meeting that I want to be worthy of. I know God lives and that He has prepared a plan that will help us to be reunited with loved ones again. I am grateful He is willing to provide help all along the way. That help is definitely something worth sharing. I’m glad I got to share it with the Bacons.

 

 

What I Believe…

 

 

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Good Intentions, Side Effects, and What to Do with Them

Let me tell you about a personal awkward moment. I think I may have done some harm this week. Deep sigh. I really hope it’s not lasting. But you can imagine my frustration when I learned I had hurt the feelings of someone I care about. My intentions were good, but there were less than desirable side effects that followed my actions.

Reflecting on the last several days brought a second instance to mind. That troubled me. This isn’t the kind of thing I want to become a recurring theme. Then again, perhaps I’m better at creating side effects than I thought.

With the door wide open to my acknowledged faults, I wondered if there were other people I had affected inadvertently. My desire to know seemed to be an open invitation for examples from my memory. The unwelcomed intrusions did more than visit on the porch. They walked in the front door of my mind and brought company.

I sat in thought and began to count. One, two, five, eight…. While some examples were quite small, I recognized that a number of my choices this week had made someone else unhappy. Quickly feeling that the place where I house my thoughts was getting crowded, I closed the door on the line of applicants with comments for my suggestion box. One week’s time seemed like plenty to deal with.

The painful difficulty was that the examples were not anonymous strangers. They were people who are close to me – a brother, a friend, another friend, my wife, my daughter, and the list went on. Each one of them is a person I love very much.

As I considered my circumstance, I thought about a young Jesus who found himself in the middle of a similar predicament. At the age of twelve, he was found by his parents sitting in the temple with men who were listening to him and asking him questions. Mary and Joseph were distraught because they looked for Jesus for three days before finding him. When they asked him why he had dealt with them that way, he responded, “Wist ye not that I must be about my Father’s business?” (Luke 2:45-49) He intended to do good, and yet at the same time hurt those who were closest to him, causing them concern.

Less desirable side effects that follow good choices are not uncommon. While I may perceive a choice to be good, someone else may not. Choosing to have more family time may mean less of a favorite pastime for another family member. A decision to save money for a vacation may mean that some other budget gets cut. While discouraging to admit, I think this is just one of the many dilemmas we face as mortals. It’s hard to live without making a mess.

I don’t like negative side effects that smolder in the glow of hot embers. I would much rather repair the emotional distance and close the gap before it has the chance to experience continental drift. This often requires a change of perspective. While pondering how to mitigate the effects of my intentions this week, I remembered a significant conversation with my wife last summer. The outcome of that memory is what we refer to as the 1700 North principle. That happened to be our location when we made an important discovery.

Liz and I had gone for a morning walk and began to discuss a difference of opinion we shared. We simply didn’t agree. In spite of a beautiful sunrise, it felt like the day might be drawing to a close. I felt frustrated and so did she.

Our conversation more closely resembled a familiar tennis match. While we could see the thin net that divided us, and we anticipated where the ball would fall next, we didn’t quite see each other. The score was tied, but neither of us wanted to win at the defeat of the other. We just wanted to end the game. It was time for a different strategy.

You know, it’s hard to return a volley if both players are on the same side of the net. That’s a move that doesn’t make much sense if you like tennis. We found the strategy helps a lot when you care about a person more than you care about the game.

My next move started by admitting my faults and acknowledging how my choices affected my wife. That wasn’t easy to say out loud, but it felt necessary. With my guard down, it was easier for her to drop hers. Next, I expressed my intent in what I had hoped to accomplish, and I asked for forgiveness. Then I listened. I listened as she did the same thing, and the morning became much more enjoyable.

Each of us took down the fences we had built around our perceptions. For the first time that morning we considered each other’s feelings. That seemed to be the key to ending the game, and it worked. We didn’t change each other’s minds, but we figured out a simple way to navigate less desirable side effects from decisions we each thought were good. We worked through it.

The 1700 North principle has been very helpful to me when I find I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. As hard as it was, and as simple as it sounds, seeing was a matter of choice. I may not always be able to control how my decisions affect another person, but I can choose to reduce the gap by changing my vantage point. If I am going to have a recurring theme at the end of the week, I would rather be consistent in considering the feelings of others from the same side of the net.


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Maybe I’m Still a Toddler

This morning I sat a little more incognito in a church congregation other than my own. The setting was Washington D.C. The sermon was taught by a toddler. In fact he sat in the pew right in front of me. It’s not that the other speakers weren’t uplifting; I just discovered I could learn a lot from a two-year old.

The beautiful young mother who claimed the boy was doing a marvelous job of keeping his sermon under control. She was patient. Knowing the capability of her boy, it may have been that she didn’t want to take the spotlight away from the other sacrament meeting speakers. In any event, I couldn’t help but notice the dialogue between the two after the boy started with an object lesson. He leaned forward, cocked the trigger, and released his body movement backward where he hit his head on the top edge of the pew.

“Don’t bump your head on the bench,” she whispered calmly, “It will hurt.”

“No,” was his reply.

“Yes,” was hers.

“No.”

“Yes. It will.” Her voice remained loving and patient.

“No.” I could tell that he wasn’t trying to be defiant; it just came natural without any thought. He liked the “power word” he had discovered not long ago.

“See this wood right here?” his mother said, pointing to the back of the bench.

The boy looked at the bench, and having done what she said, replied, “No.” Then he repeated the backward movement again and hit his head on the bench. It is possible that it really didn’t hurt, and that is why he said no. I have a suspicion, however, that he was having more fun refuting his mother than he was trying to hit his head.

Sometimes I hit my head on the bench repeatedly, convinced it wont hurt that much. Even if it doesn’t – even if pain is not the issue – Father has prepared specific lessons for me, and if I miss what He is trying to teach me, I just keep banging my head on the wall. It’s more frustrating when, after the fact, I realize what I have been doing, especially if I have refused to look behind me at the pew.

Next it was time for the sacrament, but the boy didn’t pause his sermon at all. He proceeded to hold up his toy, and said, “Helihopter.” He then made raspberry sounds with his tongue trying to simulate the sound of a propeller on a helicopter. Looking at his mother, he asked, “Sacament?” The mother nodded her head. His retort was swift as though he had been preparing his talk for months. “I’na go home!” Perhaps he was convinced that she didn’t understand, or maybe he understood that good preachers will sometimes repeat an idea for effect as he himself continued to repeat, “I’na go home,” over and over, using every possible intonation variation he could think of. I think he was more interested in experimenting to see how many different ways he could say the same thing than he was in trying to get his point across. Eventually he was distracted by the bread and water being passed, at least temporarily.

The boy figured out a new way to make noise when the mother informed him, “don’t do that or you’ll have to go out.” It was amazing to see the thought process parade across his face in a matter of seconds before he looked at her and said, “I’na go out.” Remember, two-year-olds understand emphasis more than we give them credit when they can slow down the pronunciation of a key word by two to three times. The word, “out,” was said in just such a way, with his slightly-whining-tone dropping as he lengthened the word.

I couldn’t help but chuckle, mostly because I could relate. There are a lot of things I “wanna” do sometimes, but I can’t – at least not at the moment. Sometimes I whine, too. It isn’t hard to think, “I would rather be anyplace than here,” when things aren’t going the way I want them to. If I could take an easier way out of a difficult situation, I just might. Most of the time, it isn’t even offered to me.

Whether it is my home on earth, or my home in heaven, I know what it feels like to want to go home, too. That may be my most important goal, but I can often be distracted by what I want. If I am distracted too much, I may want to give up and get out. Seldom does that really get me where I need to go. It is simply another distraction that seems to offer relief.

Once the boy found a quiet activity book with familiar colors and shapes, he left his sermon for a time. I don’t think this had the same effect on me as an intermediate rest hymn (which gives us rest from what, I don’t know), but it too came to an end, as did his attention for the book. Next came another object lesson.

The boy walked over to his little baby sister and apparently wanted to hit her, so he did. This, like everything else in his lesson, came in a pattern that he repeated over and over. Whap, whap, whap. Again, similar to his other messages, I don’t think he was as concerned about hurting his sister as he was in wanting to hit her. Why is it that we have a natural tendency to hurt those we love most, usually without meaning to? His mother saw what was happening and placed her hand in front of her daughter, offering her hand as an alternative target. The boy caught on to the game quick and diverted his fire and brimstone toward a more eager participant.

In this case, the boy’s intent wasn’t wrong; it just needed to be redirected. He was chastened and he hardly noticed. More and more I try to look at what I am doing and ask, “What effect is this having on those around me? Am I hurting them without meaning to? How can I redirect my intent to avoid causing pain?” I really take no pleasure in hurting others, especially those I love most. In order to avoid doing this, I have to look through their eyes, which is not always an easy thing.

As the boy’s sermon drew to a close, he gave one more glance at his mother, paused until she was looking directly at him, and then he repeated his head-banging-on-bench statement to sum up his topic. Was he right? Maybe. Was his mother right? Yes. Did the two see eye to eye by the end of the sermon? No, I don’t think so. That may take a few years, or fifty.

The boy obviously hasn’t been introduced to the concept of a dénouement, or he would have recognized that he had the perfect conclusion to his message. Instead, he sat there smiling for a moment (as if to say, “wait for it…”), then suddenly he ruptured into tears. Kablowey! Instant meltdown. The fact of the matter was that HE WAS HUNGRY, and he just barely noticed. Sadly for him, he didn’t have anything to eat. After the closing prayer, the sobbing boy exited the chapel holding his mother’s hand, still missing the lesson. Or did he?

If I find that I have a greater understanding than a toddler and still exhibit the same behavior, can I rightly say that he understands any less than I do. Sometimes I cry when I don’t get what I want. I make up reasons of why my needs are greater than a toddler. And then, when I look through his eyes, I start to understand that we are not that different.

Each time the boy delivered part of his message, I could see that his intent could be taken wrong. He did one thing, but it usually didn’t match his intent. The truth of the matter is that he was just trying to do his best, staying where he should be, right where his mother and his Father wanted him to be. That was part of the lesson intended for him.

When life gets hard, I remember that my Savior has no intention of hurting me. In fact, in His case, he paid a price that I could not pay at all, just so I wouldn’t have to. He offers His hand to me, regardless of whether I take it or divert my fire and brimstone towards Him. I hope I never do that again. His hand gives me great comfort. His intent is to save me. Fortunately for me, He communicated that clearly without confusion when He offered not only His hand, but His life. I am so grateful for the lessons He has taught me. I am grateful for His gift.

Too many times, the lessons I was meant to learn are so obvious. They have been right in front of my nose the entire time. Sometimes, they are seated on a pew rather than a pulpit.


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Mirrors and Oneness

Seeing someone in a crowd that reminds you of a friend or an acquaintance is not that uncommon of an experience. Perhaps it is because we are always looking, hoping for some sort of connection. More often than not, we are drawn to people who are most like ourselves because it gives us something in common that we can relate to. It gives us a foundation on which we can build and make more connections.

A couple of decades ago, I had an experience that seemed a little odd and unexpected. The situation was unique in that the occurrence had not happened before and has not happened since. I was at Disneyland with my parents and we were navigating a crowd of people near New Orleans Square to get in line for the next ride. As I was walking, I saw a maintenance worker dressed in white walking with a broom and dustpan. I stopped for a moment, taken aback. As I watched him, I thought to myself, “He looks just like me!” It was almost like looking in a mirror, or as close to it as I had ever experienced with a stranger.

Seeing this man caused me to ask some additional questions. “Do I walk that way? Is that how I look to other people? I wonder what he is like.” His appearance wasn’t identical but it was close enough that it had a strong effect on me. The image is still clear in my mind.

When you see a person who bears a resemblance to someone who is familiar to you, the type of relationship you have determines the reaction. If I were a criminal who had just robbed a store, recognizing someone may not be a good thing. Instead of hope, I might have pangs of fear. But, if I were to see a close friend that I hadn’t seen for many years, I may wish to become reacquainted. Had I been the robber, I may have been relieved to find out the person was not the security officer I expected. Or, seeing the person I thought to be my friend, I might be disappointed that the resemblance was only that, and not the actual acquaintance. Still, the memory of that friend may warm my heart with gratitude, if only in remembrance. It may also give me reason to look a little more.

Generally, I believe we tend to find what we are looking for. There are exceptions to this rule as we happen upon something wonderful that is unlooked for. Call it serendipity or providence, I believe there is room for both and they are usually discernable. Yet, if we have faith in God, I believe we tend to look for the fruits of our faith. We expect good things to happen. If we are watching, we will recognize more of God’s influence in our lives, and we will have more to be grateful for. This is one case where believing is seeing.

Separate from appearances, there are other times when I happen to meet someone in the crowd of humanity that seems very familiar. In many ways our meeting is like looking in a mirror. We may not appear the same, have similar genetics, or even be the same gender, but there is something else, deeper than appearances, with a striking resemblance. Almost instantly, something resonates clearly and I am left to ponder why. I can’t say I have lots of answers, but I am very grateful for those connections. I have found those associations to be powerful and beautiful.

When you see a person who more than resembles someone you know, and is someone you know, the type of relationship you have with that person also determines the reaction. Quickly we make a judgment. “Is this someone I want to engage in conversation or avoid? Do I have pangs of fear, or do I want to become reacquainted? Is this relationship more meaningful or less meaningful?” I don’t believe there are right or wrong answers, but our answers reveal much about our hearts. It is easier to want to be with people with whom you feel you share something in common.

Since my heart is the truest indicator of who I am, it is my heart that I want to purify. I want to be my best self and not just a shadow of what I can be. I want to take out the trash rather than collect it. The air is much fresher to breathe and I am at ease when I am not surrounded by garbage that builds up over time. I can put many things in my heart – be it fear or faith, love or anger, pride or humility – but once those things are there, they are not easily removed. All matter has gravity, and while the gravity of the earth is strong, I believe gravity of the heart is stronger.

A mirror can be quite useful. It gives a reflection of who we are and what we are like, at least on the outside. Like our hearts, a mirror is very revealing. It shows our admirable qualities and our blemishes. It is not always easy to take the full package and say, “It is what it is.” True, I am what I am, but it is also true that I can change. Even a mirror will show that much over time.

Emotions we associate with our mirrors can also speak volumes about our hearts. Some may love to look in a mirror to admire their own qualities. Some may look in the mirror for hours to improve how they appear. Others may be afraid to look at their reflection because they know what they will see, wishing they were different. Some may not be satisfied with what they see and yet do not feel empowered to change. Some may choose to look at a mirror with indifference, believing there are more important things than self. They are neither enamored nor afraid. Occasionally it may happen that some will look in the mirror and just be grateful. I suspect there are days in which we all look at our hearts they way we look at mirrors with a variety of emotions and expressions. A mirror is a funny place for pulling faces.

The concept of self is an interesting paradox. It is helpful to know where you are to know where you are not. We need to acknowledge self enough to be aware, but not so much that we are distracted. If I have some sense of where my heart is by how my desires are reflected in my actions, I can determine where I need to change. But, if I focus on myself too much in the mirror, I will also miss the import of what needs to be cleaned up. The heart is an excellent place to examine the qualities and blemishes of our intent. This leads me to a probing question, “As a disciple of Jesus Christ, how can I use my heart and my mirror to help me lose self?” A mirror used to see myself is less useful than a mirror that is used to see the Savior.

The prophet Alma, after having taught about being spiritually reborn, offers a few important questions to consider. Speaking of the Lord he asked, “Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? ... I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands? I say unto you, can you look up, having the image of God engraven upon your countenances?” (Alma 5:14, 19) In order to be a true disciple and be spiritually reborn, we must tie our actions to our faith. Our intent will be reflected in what we do. More importantly, this change of heart cannot be temporarily received, it must be engraved if we hope to keep it. Thus if we look in the mirror and begin to see the Savior, Jesus Christ, reflected in our hearts, our intent, and our actions, we can know that a mighty change is beginning to increase our faith. This is the start, or the birth, of our spiritual growth.

Just as spiritual rebirth begins in the heart, spiritual growth continues to flow from the heart. It is the heart that needs to be mirrored. Losing self can be best accomplished by reflecting the will of God in our own will. As we change our hearts and our desires to match His, we become one with God. Jesus prayed for this as He met with His apostles at the Last Supper. Speaking to the Father, He said, “And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth. Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.” (John 17:19-21)

Speaking of the prophet Enoch and his people, Moses said, “And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness….” (Moses 7:18) If we wish to be among the Lord’s people, we need to bridle our desires and our passions and align them with the Lord’s will. When we learn to control the instruments for personal revelation – the mind and the heart – and direct them towards the Lord, then we grow spiritually. It is then that we become one with God.

The Lord revealed this same principle to Joseph Smith, speaking of our focus. He said, “And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things. Therefore, sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.” (Doctrine & Covenants 88:67-68) If we will turn our eyes, and our hearts, so that they are single to God’s glory, he will fill our souls with light. As we are filled, the light will chase the darkness from us. The Holy Spirit will be able to sanctify our hearts just as Jesus prayed. When that mighty change is complete, when we see Him, we will be like Him, because His image will be graven in our countenances.

Paul also taught, “If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, … fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let … each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” (Philippians 2:1-4)

So much depends on love. Dieter F. Uchtdorf recently taught, “Love is what inspired our Heavenly Father to create our spirits; it is what led our Savior to the Garden of Gethsemane to make Himself a ransom for our sins. Love is the grand motive of the plan of salvation; it is the source of happiness, the ever-renewing spring of healing, the precious fountain of hope.

“As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.” (You Are My Hands)

If we wish to become like Jesus, then we must be willing to love like Jesus. We can lose “self” by loving people as our “self”. Then my purpose for looking in the mirror is not to see how becoming I am, but to see how I am becoming like the Savior Jesus Christ.

More often than not, we are drawn to people who are most like ourselves because it gives us something in common that we can relate to. As we draw near to the Savior, we have much more in common with those who are not like us because we begin to feel His love for them. It’s His love that we share in common. Then, as we look in the mirror, hopefully we see less of our own selves and more of His image.


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Give or Take a Little

Sourdough muffins with vanilla, cinnamon, and crushed, roasted pecans were the surprise waiting on the small, round bistro table of my office break area this last week. On another occasion, it was a watermelon salad with onion, fennel, feta cheese, and lemon vinaigrette. One of my favorites was a bouillabaisse stew with leeks, onions, sea bass, shrimp, scallops, clams, and muscles. Usually I am not a deep sea food fan, but that one was scrumptious!

Tanni, a close friend of mine for many years, is an amazing cook. She also has a passion for interior design, floral arrangements, and landscaping. Whatever she touches turns to gold, and she has a habit of touching quite a few things, and people. Occasionally she will fix up something delicious to share with fellow workers in the office just for their enjoyment, and hers. Tanni has the ability to put a smile on someone’s face in a snap, once the aroma wafts past their senses and the presentation of her gourmet treat pleases the eye. These sensations are just the appetizers for a taste that has yet to disappoint me. She has never fixed something that I haven’t loved.

I have noticed something interesting about Tanni’s creations. Everyone is willing to sample something delicious, but not everyone is willing to reciprocate. And, really, it’s hard, because few others cook like she does. I find myself wanting to do something to return the favor, however, and not just enjoy her cooking.

Another close friend, Kerstin, has taught me a lot about sharing things of value. She has a deep passion for music and the arts. Her singing voice is beautiful, emotive, and natural. Her music is full of expression and feeling. Consequently you sense more than her voice when she sings. While she is not self-promoting, I have always found Kerstin willing to share her talents if it will help someone else. She, too, has the ability to put a smile on someone’s face as their hearts are touched by the gift that she shares. Her music is valuable because it is heartfelt and selfless. In a performance setting, I have watched her figuratively step out of the spotlight and turn the focus from herself to what she hopes the audience will feel and experience. She prefers to share a wonderful performance without taking any credit.

Recently, while we were discussing things that we have shared, Kerstin said, “Why keep tally? I don’t have a ‘fair’ chart. It really doesn’t matter whose turn it is.” I appreciate her sentiment that sharing is about giving, and not just exchange. For me, giving without attached strings reflects purer motivations. It gets closer to the heart of charity.

My wife, Liz, is a wonderful example of giving. In the fifteen years of our marriage, I don’t know that I have ever seen her pick up a hobby that didn’t involve doing something for someone besides herself. She loves to scrapbook, but mostly because she treasures the memories of our family and the growth of our children. It is exciting to see the smiles on their faces as we look through old books and remember past experiences together. Liz loves to cross-stitch and sew for other people. Whether it is an article of clothing, a costume, a quilt, or some other home furnishing, she takes great satisfaction in giving her work away. Liz is also a wonderful cook. She has a very intuitive approach that is simple, practical, and delicious. I love to smell her freshly cooked bread come out of the oven ready to receive a butter glaze. My small twinge of reluctance when she wants to give her bread away is eased by a promise that she will make more. Thank goodness she keeps her word. Knowing that each of these things take time, and that Liz values time over most things, her gifts have great value to me.

With our children, I am trying to teach them to show their mother gratitude and appreciation by helping and not just taking. The bread is delicious, and it satisfies the senses, but there are still dishes to be done, and messes to be cleaned up. I think they are learning little by little.

Each of these examples has caused me to reflect on the difference between giving and taking. Anyone can take, but not everyone is willing to give. Yet, because there are those who do give so freely, many are better for it. There is more power in giving than in taking.

Giving adds tremendous strength to any relationship. When we consider friendships and family relationships that are meant to be eternal, we can strengthen those relationships by giving of ourselves and the things that we place high value on. This is especially applicable with our relationship with God.

If we wish to live with our Father in heaven again, that reward comes with a price. Fortunately, by the grace of God, the price for our sins has already been paid. Jesus paid that price with His own blood. All that is left for us to do is to accept His gift by offering the only thing we can offer in return, namely our discipleship and obedience.

Under the Law of Moses, ancient Israelites worshipped God by offering sacrifices. They offered their best. By giving up something of great value to themselves, they demonstrated their faith and love towards God. Those who did not have the means to give a large offering would bring what they could, which might be a couple of turtle-doves instead of a lamb. This law continued until the death of Jesus Christ, which ended sacrifices by the shedding of blood as a part of worship. These ordinances were replaced by the sacrament, which was to be done in remembrance of the Lord’s body and His blood which was shed for all mankind.

Just prior to His appearance to the people in the ancient Americas following His resurrection, Jesus revealed that burnt offerings were to be done away, and that, “ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit.” (3 Nephi 9:20) While the sacrifice would no longer be completely consumed, the offering was still intended to be complete.

If we combine these two principles – first, that the burnt offerings were to be replaced by the sacrament, and second, that by so doing we are to offer a broken heart and a contrite spirit – the act would suggest that when we prepare ourselves to partake of the sacrament we should be willing to make an offering and not just take the bread and water.

Similarly, if I go to church to worship, do I go merely to receive, or do I go prepared to offer and participate? I want to be clear here that both are acceptable. There are times in our lives when we may be subject to weakness and lack strength. Those are the times that our offering is the size of a pair of doves. However, when we are strong and we wish to show our true devotion, we should be prepared to offer our very best. If we are able to give more, a large sheep or bull may not be sufficient. So it is worth asking, “What can I give, and what am I willing to give?”

Along with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, I can show Father that I will do whatever He requires if I am also willing to give my time, my talents, and my possessions to build up His kingdom. If I am willing to share these precious things with others, He will count it as though I had shared it with Him.

Perhaps it is not fair to suggest that all taking is bad, either. There is a difference in taking something that is offered as opposed to taking something that is not mine, or taking something prematurely because I am not patient. When a gift is offered, it is my responsibility to accept it, and take it, if I choose. Otherwise I can choose to decline. If I accept, then I should also take with a thankful heart.

Another instance of taking which is very appropriate is to receive instruction and follow. For instance, we have been commanded to take upon us the name of Christ, and not in vain. Taking the name of the Lord in vain is not just repeating His name without reverence. It also means that we accept Him, not just in word but in every action. If we profess to be disciples of Jesus but do not exemplify Him, are we not taking His name upon ourselves in vain? To truly take upon us His name means that we will make every effort to become like Him. Jesus becomes our spiritually begotten Father as we are born again and overcome the effects of spiritual death through His atonement. In this way, we take His image into our own countenances.

When we partake of the sacrament, we take the emblems of His body and blood into our own beings. If we are sincere in our repentance, we will take our covenants seriously when we renew them at the sacrament table. If we intend to remember Jesus and follow Him, then we will also be willing to take up our own cross and deny ourselves of all ungodliness. We will take His charge to bear one another’s burdens. So many of the things the Lord asks us to take involve taking more work and more responsibility for doing His will. Yet even in this effort of taking, we will find relief.

Jesus said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Repeatedly in the scriptures, the use of the words “give,” “offer,” “receive,” and “take” have consistent meanings. The Lord’s instruction to “take” is usually associated with selflessness and a willingness to do more, not less. He expects a true disciple to give up what is important so that the Lord can give us more. We offer our faith, and we receive greater blessings.

Because there is such great power in giving, rather than taking with selfish intent, it is worth asking ourselves the questions, “Do I give more than I take? When I take, do I replenish and give more back?” If we cannot answer yes, we may not be tapping into the power that is available for us to reach our full potential. The ability to give and give up also creates the opportunity to receive and offer more.

There are many things we can do that have the potential to draw us nearer to God, yet our attitude will largely determine how much. I may attend church, but do I merely go to listen and “take things into my daily life,” or do I go with the intent to give and offer something in return? If I fill a service assignment, do I accept because I know I will claim some blessing or reward, or do I do it out of love and appreciation? If I do something with the intent to take, I limit my ability to receive greater strength. But, if I perform the same action with the desire to give, my intent can transform the experience and yield much greater results.

The intent of the heart has more power than we may give it credit. The change in direction between giving and taking is 180 degrees. They are opposites. Whether we give or take a little may seem insignificant, but the direction of our motives sets the course for our final destination. A deliberate choice to follow the Savior by consistent giving is a sure path to find him. The difference between “give or take” is more than just a little. It all depends on intent.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Friends

Looking back at the milestones that mark the past several months, I can say without hesitation that this year has been unparalleled by any other year in my life. 2009 has been the year of amazing friendships. Uniquely, so many started because of the Savior, Jesus Christ. Even He seems much closer than ever before. This is a year that I will always cherish and never forget. Perhaps that is because these friendships have come after a lifetime of seeking.

Growing up, I always wanted a best friend. Everyone else seemed to have one. My circumstances seemed a little different than most because the friends I saw at school during the week were different than those I played with in the neighborhood. And those friends were different than the ones I saw at church on Sunday. That had a lot to do with living at the edge of an elementary school boundary and living at the edge of a congregational ward boundary with a little sliver of cross-over territory shared between the two. It was sort of a no-man’s land. The girl next door was a great friend for a lot of years until it was cooler for girls to play with girls and boys with boys. Still, she is a friend of mine to this day. We had everything in common way back when.

The need for friends didn’t change as I got older, but only increased. There is such a power in finding someone else who thinks like you do, who feels like you do, and who shares the same things in common. I think we all want to trust and be trusted, to love and feel love in return. That need is a powerful motivator. It is also not without a counterpoint growing up.

Becoming a teenager is really an awkward thing to do. It feels strange and it is strange. I know very few people who didn’t feel that way at some point. At that age, most teenagers lack confidence and connection. Almost overnight a change occurs where the need for friends becomes stronger than the need for family. As uncomfortable as that age may feel, I think this desire is really a divine gift Father gives to His children to prompt them out of the comfortable nest of security and into adulthood. It motivates each of us to grow up a little.

Now that I have a couple of sons approaching that age, it is fun looking at the world through their eyes. I am glad they trust me enough to talk about their friends, their interests, and their attractions, namely girls. For all its ups and downs, that period of life results in tremendous growth. What I don’t think most teenagers realize (while they may know everything else) is that for the first time in their life, they are capable of that rapid growth. It is not by accident, but by design.

I realized a defining moment when I found that I was tired of being unpopular and I could do something about it. At that age I always felt that no one wanted to do things with me because they never asked. So I would stay home and feel sorry for myself. That all changed one day with an idea. “Maybe there are other people who are waiting for someone to extend an invitation like I am. Maybe they really are just like me.”

With that thought I picked up a phone and dialed a friend. (Back then, phones still had dials that clicked rather than buttons with digital tones.) He answered with a hello and I responded, “Hey, a group of us are going bowling, would you like to go?” He replied, “Sure. Who is going? I responded, “Well, right now, you and me, but I have a few more phone calls to make.” I didn’t see my comment as being dishonest. For the first time in my life, I was exhibiting a little bit of confidence in the future. That confidence paid off, and within the hour, there were more than a dozen of us who were included in a friendly game at the bowling alley. That idea, successfully proven, was about to gain momentum.

By the time I graduated from high school, I had some tremendous friends. For the first time in my life I knew what it was like to be so close that you could almost read each other’s minds. It was the closest I had ever come to being of one heart and one mind with someone else. I was fortunate to have really good friends – the kind that pressure you to do good things instead of things that are harmful. Many, many are still good friends. (In fact, you are probably a good number who are actually reading this blog. Cool.)

Attending the University of Utah gave me a new perspective on confidence. I realized that if you acted like you knew what you were doing (instead of being a lost freshman) that people just assumed you did. Better yet, they like being around you because of it. Confidence, if not overbearing, seems to attract other people because it offers some security. Funny thing, much like being happy, confidence is a choice. Deciding to be brave isn’t easy, but it isn’t as hard as it looks either. I am glad I have seen both sides, or I wouldn’t have believed it. My confidence grew and so did my group of friends. Having a little bit of confidence helped me for the next phase in my life.

Serving a two-year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Looking back, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I loved it, and I find I am often a little jealous of young missionaries who are just leaving home for the first time. I think the biggest reason is because of the friends I made.

Again, I found that there were a lot of people who were just like me. They were looking for something, but they were waiting around for someone to come find them. Unfortunately, they hadn’t figured out my little phone trick, and they hadn’t quite figured out what they were missing in life. It was such an amazing experience to share some of the things that have made me wonderfully happy in my life and see that they then became happy, too. But the best part was the relationships.

I recognized that after having a discussion about deeper things, especially things that are eternally true and yet very relevant to now, had a profound affect. One little taste and I was hooked. In a short period of a couple weeks, I found that I felt as close to some of my newest friends as I had to friends that I had known a good part of my life. I marveled at how that could be possible and I observed one common thread every time. When we talked about deeper things, we invited the Holy Ghost to bear witness of the truthfulness of the things that we said. That is His divine role, to testify of divine truths. When that happens, I think we get a reminder of what we felt when we lived in heaven before coming to this earth. It is as though we feel a little piece of home, and we long for it. We yearn for it. And then we crave to have that feeling in our life more and more. It was this feeling, the feeling of having a member of the Godhead included in a new friendship that created a powerful bond as deep as eternity.

Since then I have pondered on what I can do to be a better friend, and how I can be of most help to someone else. I suppose that is why, when I have a chance to share something, that I prefer to share the things that I value most. That is if I know the listening party is interested.

The next phase of my friendship development was meeting and marrying my wife. Though that makes it sound pretty quick it wasn’t quite that fast, but almost. It was here that I found my very best friend in the world. (Thanks, Liz.) I am a romantic at heart, and that part of our relationship has been wonderful, but there has been more that has made our relationship deeper. Together we learned to become one, to have one heart and one mind. I had a taste of that when I was younger, but only to a smaller degree in comparison. Together we found a strong unity that has been the glue in our marriage. Unity is power, and love is a great motivator. These alone should be motivation for finding one to whom you can be true and faithful. Fifteen years of marriage is just the beginning of a friendship we plan to last forever.

During our marriage, other friends have punctuated the paragraphs of our lives like a recurring theme or storyline. Just at the right moments we have had epiphanies of significant importance, and those friends have been there to help, encourage, and inspire. Many times they were there at the moment they were needed the most, in answer to prayer. It has been those friends who have helped to build a shed in the backyard or re-shingle a house. Those are the friends who have invited us to yet another barbeque on the patio or a surprise birthday party for another friend. We have played sports on the field and on the court. We have shared experiences, ideals, goals, thoughts, and prized moments. Without exception, the strongest of those relationships have also had one familiar thread – Father’s hand was in all of them. He brought us together, and He was the one thing we had most in common – He as well as His Son, and our Savior, Jesus Christ. The influence of the Holy Ghost has made all the difference in the feelings we feel when we share deep and significant things. These have been powerful relationships.

This year, however, the year of friendships, has been different. Beginning with a stage production of Savior of the World, where our family all had a chance to participate, my life began to change. Perhaps it had something to do with the role I had to play. Part of it may have been the way that others saw me in addition to what I felt myself. Part of it was definitely my focus on deeper things. Through the experience of thinking about the life and resurrection of Jesus Christ, His sacrifice and His atonement, as we rehearsed, sang, and performed, each of us knew Him a little better than before. Each of us wanted to know Him more than we had before. Most importantly, each of us learned what it meant to worship Him and to feel closer to Him. That is the most beautiful feeling I have ever experienced. Sharing that experience with many others who had the same desire was more powerful than anything else I have known. Love. Unity. Commitment. We felt these and an overwhelming feeling of closeness to God as we focused our lives on Him.

A beautiful thing happens at the Last Supper of our Lord before he offered Himself a sacrifice and ransom for all of us. It happens in the name he gives to His disciples because of their faith. Jesus said, “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.” (John 15:14-15) What an incredible statement of appreciation for the God of this world to speak to us and call us friend. What a privilege to have Him share that which He treasures.

With this new insight, I yearned like I never had before. I prayed for charity and to feel the love of God like I had not before. I was given new understanding and received according to my prayers. I was given new friends. The friends that I had before became more important to me, and closer, too. Some friends, unlooked for, became especially close. My own wife and children became greater friends and a greater strength to me. Other family members became closer to my heart. They have each been an answer to my prayers. Like Jesus said to his disciples, “that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. These things I command you, that ye love one another.” (John 15:16-17)

From friends I have learned to care more deeply. I have cared for more, and I have been cared for by many others. Yet, in spite of the increase, I have come to value relationships with individuals especially, one at a time. I have treasured the importance of “one” the most. There is strength in a group, but there is power in being one.

Interestingly I have found friends in unexpected places. I have renewed old acquaintances via the internet and social networks, and I have made new friends by accomplishing common objectives with strangers. I have even discovered friends among the homeless on the streets. With each, my heart has gotten wider with a desire to be one.

In His intercessory prayer, Jesus prays to the Father that his disciples may be one as He and the Father are one. He continues, “Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.” (John 17:11, 20-21) This is the path for all those who wish to be with Him in the celestial kingdom of our Father.

As I reflect on examples of friendship in the scriptures, my mind always turns to Jonathan, son of Saul, and friend of David. He was the heir to the throne of his father and yet he loved his friend more. The scripture says, “the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” While his father was the king, Jonathan’s loyalty was to David, because he saw that the spirit of the Lord was with him. Jonathan not only gave him his clothing and his robe, he risked his life repeatedly to save his friend. (1 Samuel 18:1-4) He cared not for the honor of a throne, but only of the honor of his friend. Jonathan understood deep and meaningful relationships. They were his treasure.

Friendships have become my treasure. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (3 Nephi 13:21) The deeper the friendship, the greater the treasure. I have been given many gifts this year, but friendship is the greatest of them all. I believe this is also because true friendship is charity, which never faileth. For those who have ever been a friend, I thank you. Your love and prayers have been a great strength. For you who have loved the most, I thank the most for a debt that I will never be able to repay. I have definitely been changed for the better.

Looking back on my childhood, and my desire for friends, I think I have come a long way. I have been blessed abundantly. Fortunately, I can still remember what it was like to want, to long, and to yearn. With that in mind, I now wonder, “Who is the next friend I will make? Are they disguised as a stranger or a beggar? Are they waiting around for someone to come find them? Where can I make a difference for someone else today?” Perhaps they are waiting to have a discussion about deeper things but have only yet to realize it. The only way to find out is to keep looking for friends. That is when discoveries are made.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Adultery and Idolatry, or, “With All Your Heart”

I have long been intrigued by two of the greatest kings in all of Israel. David and his son, Solomon, were men of great character and ability. More than that, they were chosen of the Lord. In 1 Samuel 13:14 we learn that David was a man after the Lord’s own heart. Solomon was given wisdom unlike any other before or after him. (1 Kings 3:12) But for all their admirable qualities, both monarchs had lives that were punctuated with tragedy and disappointment, because of where they placed their hearts.

Just before the Lord gave Moses the commandments and the law on Sinai, he told Moses the blessing he was about to give Israel. In Exodus 19:5-6 we read, “Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people: for all the earth is mine: And ye shall be unto me a kingdom of priests, and an holy nation. These are the words which thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel.” The Lord’s blessings are certain when we are obedient. This understanding has caused me to wonder what seeds David and Solomon chose to place in their hearts that spoiled their gardens with weeds.

After the fall of King David with Bathsheba and Uriah, the prophet, Nathan, queried David and asked, “Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the Lord, to do evil in his sight?” (2 Samuel 12:9) At some point before his sin, David’s heart turned from the Lord. It was this choice that led to his great sin of adultery, which was followed by murder and deceit.

Solomon followed a similar path to his father and allowed his wives to turn his heart. In JST 1 Kings 11:4, 6 we read, “For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the Lord his God, and it became as the heart of David his father.... And Solomon did evil in the sight of the Lord as David his father, and went not fully after the Lord.” Solomon then promoted idolatry by building up high places for the worship of the gods of his wives.

While we may not intend a deliberate attack on God, our failure to remember Him demonstrates a serious misplacement of our devotion. The prophet Nephi taught, “For the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at naught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men trample under their feet; I say trample under their feet but I would speak in other words–they set him at naught, and hearken not to the voice of his counsels.” (1 Nephi 19:7)

It is sad to note that David’s adultery, followed by Solomon’s idolatry, led to the division of the kingdom that David worked so hard to successfully unite. He and his son frustrated their life-long efforts because of what they allowed into their hearts. While this pattern may not be the same for all who misplace their devotions, it is a tragic ensign that waves before us.

What a special and sacred place is the heart. It is the container of hopes and dreams. It is the house of our faith. It is where we keep that which is most dear to us. Most importantly, the heart is the receiver in our communication with God – it is where we feel the promptings of the Holy Ghost. But this can only happen by choice, when we treasure the word of the Lord. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (3 Nephi 13:21) It should be no great surprise that one thing we often treasure most is love.

While we are commanded by the Lord to love everyone, there are only two people that I am aware of whom we are commanded to love with all our hearts. On one occasion a scribe asked Jesus which was the first of all the commandments. Jesus answered him saying, “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.” (Mark 12:30) Similarly, the Lord revealed to Joseph Smith in the Doctrine & Covenants the importance of loving our spouse to whom we are married. He said, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.” (D&C 42:22)

To love with all your heart implies that you are willing to offer everything you have, including the treasure that you may keep in your heart. When I treasure God and my wife above all else, it isn’t hard to offer that relationship back. If I treasure other things and am willing to offer them, too, then I show that nothing takes preeminence over the two primary relationships in my life. However, if I treasure something else so much that I am not prepared to give them up willingly, I should probably question whether I truly love with all my heart.

For much of my life, I believed that I loved God with all my heart because I could say I had kept the commandments. I don’t worship idols. I haven’t murdered or committed adultery. It wasn’t until I looked at the instruction from the Savior in the Sermon on the Mount a little closer that I gained a greater understanding of what it meant to be truly obedient. In Matthew 5:27 we read, “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Jesus was speaking, not to the letter of the law, but to the intent of the law. It is in the intent where the seeds of sin begin to sprout.

Returning to the earlier question, “What seeds did David and Solomon chose to place in their hearts that spoiled their gardens with weeds?” I believe the answer lies in the inception of personal desire where intent is born. The issue has everything to do with fidelity with their two primary relationships. The word fidelity represents loyalty, faithfulness, and devotion. Fidelity is not just the abstinence of sin, it is the commitment that we make when we love with all our hearts. When we allow anything to interfere with that commitment, or our covenants, our fidelity is weakened, as is our faith.

With this understanding, the commandments given to Moses have increased depth and meaning for those who are truly faithful. If Jesus was trying to focus on the intent of our hearts when He taught the Sermon on the Mount, I would propose that we begin to practice idolatry in our hearts when we let anything affect our fidelity with God. Similarly, we begin to practice adultery in our hearts when we let anything or anyone affect our fidelity to our spouse. Thus adultery and idolatry have less to do with specific acts and everything to do with our covenants with the two primary relationships given by commandment.

So why are these seeds so important to stop at their inception? Continuing in Doctrine & Covenants 42:23 we read, “And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents not he shall be cast out.” Not only do we deny our faith in God, because we have set him at naught and have ignored his counsel, we are no longer faithful in either of our covenants. This offends the Holy Spirit and causes it to withdraw. Our situation becomes even more precarious because of the powerful emotions that are involved when we love. These emotions evoke feelings that are so strong, they can mask, block, and even eclipse the promptings of the Holy Ghost. If we replace those promptings that can warn us of danger with feelings of emotion that have no restraint, we may find ourselves on a path without the ability to recognize that we are in danger. We put at risk, not only our covenants, but our ability to receive divine help, peace, and happiness. We also risk losing life-long investments in relationships that were meant and intended by the Lord to last forever. Ere we are aware, like David and Solomon, we misplace our devotions and find ourselves lost.

Recently a friend of mine told me of a couple that had fallen out of love. Their story could likely be retold by many who have been deceived into thinking that there is more to life than what they currently have. I am not certain that two people can fall out of love because their relationship slowly evaporates. I believe it likely, in most cases, that their desires go unchecked and shift to another focus. They allow them to be redirected or given to someone else.

Sometimes it is only a matter of priority. If we let something else, such as career ambitions, interfere with our faithfulness to our covenants and our fidelity to our two primary relationships, we risk losing the spirit. If a job eats up too much of our time so that we don’t spend a sufficient amount with a spouse, that relationship can become weaker. Once weakened, we may find that our desires for love also transfer to another focus. If that job becomes so important that we find it hard to keep the Sabbath Day holy, our relationship with Father becomes weaker. Once weakened, we may find that our desires turn to wealth, entertainment, or even selfishness. We become, as the apostle Paul described in 2 Timothy 3:2-5, “lovers of [our] own selves,” and “lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof.” Thus selfishness becomes a strange form of idolatry.

Because we live in perilous times in the last days where the behavior described by Paul is so prevalent and common, it may be even harder for us to perceive that something is wrong. It becomes easier to fall prey to the temptations of the adversary to break the covenants with our two primary relationships. Conditions around us make it easier for even the very elect to be deceived. (Matthew 24:24)

If we wish not to be deceived, the answer is simple. Keep the commandments and take the Holy Spirit for your guide. Keep your desires in check and maintain absolute fidelity in your relationships with God and your spouse. We find the strength to keep these covenants when we combine for a common purpose. When we pray, we can ask Father for help to strengthen our marriage. As we plan out our lives with our spouses, we can ask for and give support to each other in keeping these commandments. I have found immense happiness and contentment as I have done these two things. My love for my God and my wife have only grown stronger and stronger. I know this has been the source of my happiness. How grateful I have been for the counsel to place my devotions appropriately and truly love with all my heart.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Meaningful Associations

Some people pick their battles. In our house, we have to pick our games. With five kids who are all fairly close in age, games can be the source of both unity and division, especially if Dad gets a little competitive. For the most part, I think I do pretty well. Our family is really pretty good, too. (Although, in this setting, Liz is more of a peacemaker than the rest of us combined.)

One of our favorite games is called Apples to Apples. Inside the game box resides a few decks of cards. The smaller deck of green cards contains descriptive adjectives with a few related words as hints. Each of the cards in the red deck lists a person, place or thing. Play begins as one person, who acts as judge, draws a green card and places it on the table. The object of the game is for each of the other players to place one of their red cards on the table as quickly as possible so the judge can then pick the card that has the strongest association. The results can be pretty humorous when a green card with the word “Haunting” is matched up with cards like “Bates Motel,” “Dating,” or “Poison Ivy.” You get the idea. The choice is pretty subjective, especially when the judges’ ages and experience are spread by a few decades.

When I was the age of our youngest daughter, I remember disliking a particular girl’s name very much. It wasn’t a very good association for me. I think it was because of a particular girl who was particularly not nice to me. I made a conscious effort to NOT like her name. Later, when I found out my sister was going to have a little baby and had decided to name her Heidi, I wondered how she could make such a choice. I had been betrayed. Suddenly, I had to wrestle with my opinions. It didn’t take long before I had changed my mind and absolutely adored the name. I have loved my niece and the name ever since.

I find it fascinating how we can choose to like or dislike something based on a deeper meaning that we associate with the object. I may not like ladders because I fell off of one when I was a kid. I may like ginger snap cookies because it reminds me of my grandpa. Or I may be completely indifferent towards something because I have never made a meaningful association with that object. I think people are much like things in this regard.

People I like are people I’m like. This is a little phrase I have been rather fond of lately because it seems to resonate true. It is not to say that I don’t like people who are different than me; I just tend to be more like those that I like most. I change. For better or worse depends upon the friends I choose. Much depends upon the associations I make.

“Pick your friends carefully.” This is advice that I often heard from Mom growing up. As I have tried to honor her, I am grateful for the difference it has made in my life. She has saved me from heartache and has allowed me some treasured moments.

We move like magnets. Gravity is not just a principle of up and down. The phenomenon of gravitation occurs when any two objects with mass are placed together and the objects naturally attract each other. We are attracted to the earth because of our relative proximity, and the size of the earth.

I believe that gravity also applies to relationships we have with others. We are attracted by both proximity and the importance we place on the relationship. Like magnets, our attraction is also based on orientation. When two magnets are positioned with a common focus, the attraction becomes stronger. Similarly we can also lose attraction when we increase distance or diminish the priority of a relationship.

I tend to feel a great deal of gravity when I make certain choices. It is divinely given to each of us to make choices between right and wrong. Our attraction to one choice or the other depends heavily upon the orientation of our moral compass. If our compass is pointed towards moral integrity we may find an increasing magnetism towards those decisions. If the needle of our compass is oriented more towards selfishness, we will find ourselves making more and more decisions that benefit ourselves at the expense of others. Occasionally our needle vacillates back and forth, leaving us a bit disoriented as to what is right and wrong. Like the example of the map I referenced last week, it is important to look closely at our destination before we set our compass.

I have found a valuable tool for tuning my compass to true north. The key is to set my heart, and my compass, in a true course that does not change before I make any subsequent decisions. By doing so, I increase the magnetism of my needle to an eternal destination – I increase my relative proximity to God, and I place greater priority on my relationship with Him than with anything else. In Doctrine & Covenants 88:63, the Lord tells Joseph Smith, “Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me….” I love the idea that the attraction is not just one way. Father wishes us to draw nearer to Him to allow Him the same opportunity. He only comes as close as we let him, out of respect for our agency.

Of all the relationships I have, I feel safest when Father is my friend. I do not replace reverence, respect or worship with casual familiarity. I do, however, maintain a deep dependence upon Him for happiness, confidence, and support, more than any other friend. The more I follow Him, the more love and gravity I feel towards Him. Each time my faith is rewarded, I develop deeper associations with Father. Covenants, obedience, and discipleship become synonymous with happiness and contentment.

When a green card representing my relationship with Father is placed on the table for me to respond to, I am more confident about winning when my hand is full of meaningful associations.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Walls and Bridges

Castles became very fascinating to me at a young age. One night while I was a boy, I remember my Dad showing me a scrap book of sorts that he had kept. We sat on a couch together in our living room next to a table lamp. I held the book as he turned the pages under the light. The album contained post cards and pictures with deckled edges of places that he and my Mom had visited while they lived in Germany, not long after World War II. His service in the U.S. Army afforded them an opportunity to travel on occasion while they were there.

I remember looking at the pictures of castles such as the Neuschwanstein Castle or the Hohenzollern Castle. I was intrigued by the walls, gates, buttresses, turrets, towers, and crenellated battlements which were romanticized in the castles that came after the late 18th Century. As a boy, I knew none of these names or terms, but that didn’t stop me from being fascinated by them.

I later became interested in older castles that were used more for defending a kingdom. These castles inspired many hours of play as I thought about kings, knights, damsels, and dragons. Their architecture included moats, portcullises, draw bridges, and places to shoot arrows. The large curtain walls that surrounded the keep seemed massive and impenetrable. They were symbols of strength and protection.

Another type of structure that captured my imagination was bridges. Some fascinating examples were built during the Roman Empire such as the Ponte Sant’Angelo in Rome and the Alcántara Bridge in Spain. The Roman’s skill allowed for both traffic and aqueducts that transported water. While some were smaller in size, many spanned great depths and distances. However, these constructions served an opposite purpose to the medieval wall. Rather than trying to keep things out, their purpose was to allow passage through.

Whether it be walls or bridges, these aged structures were both made of carefully cut stone that would require hundreds of masons to assemble. Each required vast amounts of time, energy, and resources. Because of the skill that was employed in their design and construction, many are still standing after several centuries or more.

Walls and bridges have supplied countless metaphor with symbols of strength that we can all relate to. Perhaps this is because they are both familiar to human nature. Our needs are not so very different. There are times in which we want to be connected to or removed from our environment. There are people we want to associate with, and there are others we may prefer to keep at a distance. To accomplish this, I believe we engage in the process of building walls and bridges every day.

Not so reliable as the walls that have lasted for hundreds of years are those portrayed by Robert Frost in his poem, Mending Wall. He describes the annual event of repairing a small wall that is shared by his neighbor. While walls do have their useful purposes, Robert Frost understood the forces that work against them when he said, “Something there is that doesn’t love a wall….” This may suggest that there are natural forces, and those beyond nature, that are apt to tear down certain walls. If we are in the business of building walls, or bridges, it is good to know what we are up against.

Inherently, I don’t believe that walls and bridges are necessarily good or bad. They simply are what they are – devices for our use. Whether we build something that we intend to last for many years, or something that we know we will have to mend annually, I feel it is important to acknowledge the reasons why we build what we build. Occasionally we may be building a wall when we would be happier building a bridge, and vice versa.

So why do we build walls? There are some things in life that are so valuable to us that we would go to any length or cost to defend them. These might be experiences we treasure, relationships we desire, or possessions that have taken great effort to obtain. They might be values, causes, or even covenants. The process of protecting the things we value can sometimes be as satisfying as admiring those same things.

If our desires are more focused on protecting the things we value than the value of the things themselves, we might miss opportunities to be happier. We might build a wall to prevent someone from being a part of our life, when sharing would actually be more beneficial. We may miss opportunities for growth and diversity. In this frame of mind – of guarding our treasure – we may also protect things that don’t need protecting. We may hoard things that were meant to be shared. Some of those things may even spoil. You might debate whether a bird of the wild is more attractive in flight or in a cage. I’ll let you defend your own reasons. I think there are places where both may be appropriate.

Similar to walls, we might ask ourselves why we build bridges. There are some things in life that are hard to reach without making a connection – things that are so attractive to us that we would go to any length or cost to reach them. Usually, reaching them singularly is not enough. If we find happiness once, we are inclined to seek it again and again, thus the need for a more lasting connection. As with our present treasure, it may be experiences, relationships, or possessions that we wish to obtain.

With this desire comes a related danger. If we are more focused on the object of our desire than our own well being, we may find ourselves building bridges that ultimately restrict our happiness. Some individuals choose to connect with a certain drug because of the positive effects they think they will enjoy, only to find that their new found bridge is an addiction that lasts far longer than they intended. The connection is greater than the personal strength they possess. Sadly enough, most addictions fit this description.

Not all such addictions or connections are illegal. There are many who become workaholics as a means of satisfaction. This fulfillment from work takes the place of other relationships that could have longer lasting benefits, especially those that are meant to be eternal. In this case, we build bridges where we ought to have strengthened our walls. Bridges often allow for two-way traffic to traverse. We may leave the safety of our walls and enable other influences to enter the places we once protected so carefully. I believe these bridges apply to anything we share, and with anyone with whom we may share.

Perhaps it is not so important whether we are building a bridge or a wall, as long as we are deliberate in doing so for the right reasons. We should be conscientious about what our end desires are, and if they truly are compatible with the happiness we are seeking. Happiness now in exchange for sorrow later is either irresponsible or an ignorant behavior for one who truly wishes to be happy. We should be certain that our map matches our destination before we travel, not after.

For me, marriage is one of those connections I wish to make permanent. My family is more valuable than anything else I own. Yet I am constantly faced with decisions that may compromise the safety of my treasure. There are many good things that can be distractions if not kept in a proper perspective.

If I am sincere in my declaration, then I must do anything and everything to be deliberate for the right reasons. I build strong bridges that connect me with my wife and children. I defend my keep with walls of protection. From that point, I must maintain that which I have built, using caution as I continue to build both walls and bridges.

As alluded to in Robert Frost’s poem, there are forces beyond nature that play in our lives. Sometimes those forces enable walls to come down. I have found that there are greater forces that can also repair walls and add strength to the things we have built. The greatest strength I have found comes from God. When I do the right things for the right reasons, He strengthens my walls and fortifies my bridges, both. When I keep my greatest treasure in proper perspective, He helps me build additional walls and bridges appropriately.

I have learned, more and more each day, to trust the Master Builder. Like my Dad, Father in Heaven will sit with me and turn the pages as I hold the book under His light.


http://saltypockets.blogspot.com/

Rocks and Raspberries

The situation started with me making a courtesy call and my wife thinking I needed to be rescued. I had been on a long bike ride and was feeling a little dehydrated. Realizing the time, and that we were supposed to be at a family birthday party soon, I decided to call my wife and let her know I was running late. What I didn’t know was that she was working on a surprise for me. We were about to celebrate our fifteenth anniversary the next day when I made the typical “guy” blunder of miscommunicating. Silly me. The short-of-the-long-of-it is that she came to pick me up, bike and all, so we could arrive together at the party.

I learned very early on in our marriage a principle that has secured me almost certain happiness. “The wife is always right.” While she and I jest about this regularly, I have seen a number of marriages that would have gone much smoother if the guy had only figured this out sooner. Well, I figured out something else that I will carry with me a very long time. It was significant enough that I asked Liz if I could quote her. I think she obliged me hoping that it might actually stick.

Where I really went wrong was in not expressing enough thanks to my wife for interrupting her plans to help me. We discussed the matter on the way home using very short sentences. The next day the subject came up again and she gave me some really good wisdom about gratitude. “Tell me once and it just registers. Tell me twice and I hear it. Tell me three times and it sinks in.” Now you know one of my weaknesses. Hopefully you can relate.

This new insight came while we were walking together on the longest hike that we have taken with just the two of us. It was very rewarding because we had a chance to share, and we were using longer sentences. We talked about ideas. We made top-ten lists of people we are closest to, or who have had the most influence in our lives. After fifteen years, we still had some unexpected answers. We have found that the more we talk, the deeper, richer, and more meaningful our conversations become. There are few things in life that I enjoy more.

Something else I enjoy, though not nearly so much, is raspberries. I think they are hands down my favorite fruit in the world. I keep telling my wife that one of these days I hope to drive to Bear Lake (which is famous for its raspberries) so I can buy a large flat and devour it very selfishly in one sitting. Well, in fifteen years it still remains on my list of things to do.

Earlier before our walk, Liz prepared a small breakfast that I carried in my backpack. It included some delicious fruit but, alas, no raspberries. Most of our hike was uphill to where an arched concrete bridge crosses a small waterfall. I had determined that we would stop for breakfast nearby in a little alcove where a spring emerges from beneath a large rocky grotto. The trees and plants make it very cozy and inviting. I have wanted to take my wife there for about four years since I first discovered this unique little place, but we had never managed to get there. Personally, I had been there many times as the location was also along one of my favorite running routes. However, this time was different.

We had reached the top of our ascent and I had planned to show Liz the grotto. That is when she said, “John, look.” I looked to the side of the path where she stood and realized that she had discovered wild raspberries. There were quite a few of them. Some bushes were low and some were higher up the hill. We decided to try our luck and found that these particular raspberries had a different taste than we had ever experienced before. It was, without surprise, a wilder flavor, and it varied slightly from bush to bush. Some were a little sweeter, to her liking, and some were tarter, to my liking. I stood there and marveled at how many times I had been there and had never noticed my favorite fruit. It was only when we were there together that we made the discovery. I think we both felt that raspberries were personal seashells that day. It was the start of a practically perfect day. We spent a lot more time that day in deep conversation. Though we didn’t spend a lot of money, it was a wonderful anniversary.

Conversation is not the only thing that becomes deeper, richer, and more meaningful as we communicate. Sharing is a significant part of any relationship. The more we share the more we connect, each connection strengthening the bonds between us. Relationships become deeper, experiences become richer, and life in full view becomes more meaningful.

As much as I like to eat raspberries, I really would be self-focused if that was all I expected to eat in a relationship. I certainly cherish the good times, and relationships that are dearest to me, but we don’t find the best berries without a small dose of rocks. The hike is so much more rewarding when we overcome the rocks of life together. We don’t have to chew on them. That just damages your smile. Rather we should negotiate the path to climb them, move around them, and eventually get past them. Once we conquer them, they become our trophies.

The prophet, Moses, identified the ideal society when he described the city of Enoch in Moses 7:18 as a people who “were of one heart and one mind.” I don’t know how we can achieve this state unless we are willing to share things in common and work out our differences. This takes a certain amount of negotiation around the rocks. A good relationship also benefits from faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, kindness, and charity, as taught by the apostle Peter in 2 Peter 1:4-11.

There are many in the world who would have us think that the rocks are not worth it. If you can’t find someone who can always deliver raspberries, then it’s time to move on. Really, that’s the difference between Hollywood and Reallywould. If I really would like to be happy, I have to be willing to take life for what it is and make it better – together.

Yesterday we experienced some different rocks. Some good friends of ours invited us to go tubing with their family. In some places, the stream we traversed had just enough water to let us go by in the tubes. I’ll confess that a couple of times, the combination of my size and the size of the rocks caused me to bottom out and get stuck, not to mention a little bruised.

At one point I was trying to help our youngest daughter negotiate the rocks when her tube capsized and she went underneath the shallow water. Her tube floated down stream before I could catch it. Placing her on my lap, we made another attempt at the stream. Again, she lost her balance, causing me to lose my balance, and we both went into the water. I found that trying to save a small girl from her presumed drowning in shallow water while standing on slippery rocks makes it very difficult to catch your tube as it, too, floats down stream. Once again, I found that “the wife is always right.” Liz had calmly collected our tubes, returned to meet us on the banks of the stream, and had come to rescue me again. Sometimes you just give in and say, “Life is good.”


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